Citation: The Seeker. "Action ---> Reaction (The Pros and the Cons): An Experience with Amphetamine (Adderall XR) (exp70997)". Erowid.org. Dec 10, 2009. erowid.org/exp/70997
I am a 16-year-old student in a upper-middle class high school where shitty hydroponic is often given hyperboles such as “the best fucking crazy dro in the land”, where it is almost impossible to retrieve anything beyond weed without the right connections (which most people do not exactly have). I have had my times when I was at one point psychologically addicted to weed, but after I was narc-ed on, those days ceased. It is then that I realized that I was not necessarily addicted to weed, but the power sprung on from a psychoactive substance itself.
I have also tried stupid things such as morning glory seeds (which only made me sick and have a bad trip due to the puking over the toilet bowl before the trip even began) and have pill popped on various over-the-counter pills and some prescription ones as well. While some provided decent buzzes, others such as 3500 mg of acetaminophen ended up completely fucking my brain over, not giving me the enlightening effects of drugs that I normally pursued. That is why I am nicknamed on here as “The Seeker”, for I constantly seek enlightening achievements in life, with or without the help of “my little friends”.
Then, came Adderall. I had always despised Adderall and Ritalin, for I actually do have AD/HD and always viewed them as a way for the psychiatric institutions to change the way people of my manner and mindset think and make money off of it all the same. I had also heard that overdosing on Adderall for people who actually have ADHD is a waste of time, for the amphetamine in the Adderall counter-reacts with our brain/body’s chemistry and takes in a complete opposite effect (calming us down). And boy, was I wrong...
Recently, I’ve heard from a couple people about the potency of an Adderall high. As curious as a cat, I slowly made my way online and read some archives and testimonials of other Adderall users. Turns out that quite a few of them were actually prescribed to it due to their having AD/HD as well. This intrigued me, and gave me hope. I figured that I might as well try, I’m not going to live forever and due to my fascination with the philosophies of Timothy Leary, I decided that finding out experientially is the only way I will truly know of the effects Adderall will take on my brain. I also did dwell upon the fact that perhaps my having AD/HD didn’t necessarily cause my having paradox effects to stimulants, but that I was just extremely tolerant, considering that caffeine, taken in very high doses can affect me the way it does to any “normal” person. So I decided that it was either take a lot, or get caught up in the zombified states that my fellow AD/HD-ers who took these drugs ended up becoming trapped in.
THE JOURNEY BEGINS:
My friend, who I will call “Joe” (since the euphemisms of Bob and Billy seemed to have already been taken by others), is prescribed to Adderal XR. He is not a regular user, but his mother does let him have access to it when he finds the need to be. He snuck me three 20 mg pills, and I, anxious yet extremely hopeful, took them eagerly in the morning at school, and boy, did it have my body buzzing with joy the whole rest of the day!
At first, the euphoria that came from the pills felt rather overwhelming — I felt a bit scared for myself, I felt as if my heart would stop if I did not pace myself. Some classmates also pointed out the fact that I was breathing heavily, which wasn’t exactly a good sign to have, especially if you were an Adderall noob (haha, dorky gamer lingo). I also looked down at the palm of my hand and realized that a purple-ish blue vein seemed to have been popping out a bit more than usual. It wasn’t until I began to fully feel the exstacy-esque effects of the amphetamine when I realized that I was going to be okay, things were turning out exactly the way other people had promised.
I, however, did not feel uncontrollably hyper the way most stimulant users would feel. I was twitching like crazy, but all in all my body was just lying heaven, while my mind became so very tamed that my thoughts became more consistent and my impulses began to fade slowly. This is when I realized what it felt like to be a simple person, to not worry about things in the world and stay happy. While on the Adderall, I was indeed like this, more my regular thoughts were filtered and for a while, I could not think as philosophically as I usually did, or better yet even care enough to try. It was amazing, and I never wanted this day to end. I loved this feeling, I loved speed. Unlike weed, it was legal and convenient, and did not give me a stoned, judgment-impaired feeling. Instead, I actually felt a bit more aware of common sense than usual. In fact, I was surprised that I even had any in the first place!
I had expected the Adderall to cut back my creativity the way my prescribed zombie-like friends had warned me, but I was soon relieved when this theory was proven to be incorrect. I could still find a portion of my brain where my sense of humor lied, and was astonished when I could still find the ability to joke around with my friends and just have a blast. I am not exactly class clown material, but since a majority of my friends really enjoyed humor, it was always nice to be able to crack jokes of your own to join in the vibe. The energy drawn out from humor was so powerful, so moving, and at times even charismatic or attractive. It was a powerful force of its own, and I enjoyed being around people who made me laugh; who laughed at what I said.
THE EUPHORIA PROVIDED FROM EDUCATIONAL SUCCESS:
Not only was I energetic and extremely joyful, but Adderall also drove me to become more studious—I was fascinated at my newfound, yet temporary ability to concentrate for once and take notes in class without getting bored after the first five minutes the way it usually was for me. I was motivated, I felt as if I actually wanted to do schoolwork. I also apparently was granted some OCD-like tendencies as well, for when my friend “N” began distracting me in math class, I became annoyed and believe it or not: told him that I needed him to stop so I can focus on my studies. Everyone could not believe their eyes, considering that I was normally the one screwing around and pulling the teachers buttons alongside “N”.
FROM ANTAGONIST TO SAINT:
Adderall also drove me to become a nicer person, when normally I was more twisted and antagonistic in one way or another. I am often times a rude person who honestly could care less about the intention and opinion of others—I was quite infamous around my school for my insensitivity and demeaning actions. But no, today...today, I felt extremely empathetic and kind towards others. I was driven to, and at that moment it was my only intent, to be nice to the people around me, even those who have screwed me over. This is when I realized that simplicity not only frees a person from worry and stress, but also from the evil dwelling within us. A lot of people have mentioned that Adderall allowed them to enter the minds of other people...but no, for me, Adderall didn’t have me entering the minds of others, it had the minds of others entering me. I suddenly felt the pain and suffering others felt, guilt, and some sympathy. I did not know why, but I actually somewhat enjoyed this experience. It was absurd, yet fascinating nonetheless, to be both euphoric and saddened at the same time.
TEMPORARY MINDSET OF A ZOMBIE:
The only con about Adderall was the terrible coming down. When I came down, I really came down. I began to feel an extreme amount of lethargy and an alienation from others, not to mention impaired, slurred speech that didn’t make me any less of the social pariah that the after-effects of Adderall could turn me into. This, I have come to conclude, is the reason why those who are prescribed to this drug often end up feeling “zombie-like”—they took the drug so regularly that they never had enough time to fully recover from the coming down, therefore they ended up to become too calm, too controlled, and too limited of creativity.
I also figured that a dopamine release probably occurred in the coming down due to an increased amount of numbness to human emotions, which is what I am feeling now. I feel like a zombie, a nauseous one at that — my appetite is dead, and so is all the once electrical feeling of my body. I am stuck in this lethargic, emotionless state for now...but I figure that a good night’s sleep (which will hopefully occur despite the insomnia Adderall can often cause) would be just the cure for that.
The coming down for me, worked out perfectly since just as it began to occur, it was the end of the day and fortunately, after only ruining one-two conversations between my peers and I with my stuttering and stammering (I felt as if I had anxiety disorder), my mom picked me up in time for me to get away from any social contact so I can spare this terrible sight to the people who I go to school with, or even people in general. I haven’t talked to much to my family either, I am actually staying away from human contact as much as possible, and just sitting here typing this actually (despite all the nausea I feel at the moment) satisfies me more than it would if I was to be with my friends, making a fool of myself.
All in all, I liked Adderall in the school environment. Not only did I have a lot of fun, but I also succeed in the classroom environment and, even for a day, showed some improvement in my academic career. Adderall would probably make partying a whole lot more fun, but just remember that you probably do not want to be seen coming down with your friends unless they ALL became zombified the same time and rate as you did. Then you can share your temporary misery till sleep liberates you back to your original state of mind.
Good luck! Also, if you are more of a tripper and prefer to be in-tune with the Universe as a whole rather than just the tuning with people you receive on a stimulant high, then I wouldn't exactly recommend you to take Adderall, for you will probably not receive your desirable effects.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.