Citation: quoven. "Too Much: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp70720)". Erowid.org. May 26, 2020. erowid.org/exp/70720
Hello. Iím 21 and a college student, but when I first took adderall, I was 18 and an oblivious, susceptible freshman
when I first took adderall, I was 18 and an oblivious, susceptible freshman
. Iím writing this mostly as a warning, but some just for a comparison of experiences of what to expect while taking high doses of adderall.
Before I left for college, I met this girl over AIM/facebook who I would later meet in person at college, and become friends with. I will call her L. L and I hit it off pretty well over the internet (which is pretty easy to do). We both enjoyed going on ďadventures,Ē and staying up late. I was relatively tame in high school. I drank occasionally and smoked even less frequently, and hadnít even heard of adderall until I met her. I was very outdoorsy and adventurous, scaling radio towers and buildings for fun with my best friends. We lived in a small, isolated community with forest all around and a small, liberal town nearby. When I got to college, sadly, I followed the mainstream culture of our freshman dorm, and drank heavily at least four days a week. Needless to say, I got a little out of control.
One night, before a test actually, I got bored, and when my roommate went to sleep, I went to hang out with L. I believe we were trying to think of an adventure to go on, maybe to sneak off somewhere or something, but usually these things took a pretty long time (far walk,) and I wasnít up for anything ambitious because of my test. L and I were lying on the grass together, contemplating, when she said, ďI know something we could doÖĒ
I asked her what adderall was, and she told me she took it for her ADD. However, she explained, you could take a lot at once at it would be really fun. ďWill it affect my test tomorrow?Ē I asked. ďWell, it will probably even help you.Ē She responded. That was all I needed to here. We went up to her room, which was a single, and she pulled out her capsules and opened about four of them (20mg each) and started crushing them up. I didnít like the idea of snorting them. I had never snorted anything in my life and had no desire to, but she convinced me it was best, for funís sake. We started at about 1am or so. I had no idea what it actually was I was about to snort, or about the ride I was about to step on.
We went through those pills really quickly, and I didnít like the burning in my nose at all. I didnít really feel anything yet, and she didnít either, so she pulled out more to crush up. I said ďI really donít wanna snort any more, can I just take them?Ē ďYeah, she said, if you want.Ē I popped a couple of pills while she snorted more XR 20 mg pills, now and orange powder.
This happened a long time ago, and I donít completely recall the specifics, but I have a strong general idea of how things went down. The come up on adderall is quick and amazing. First, I feel this nervousness deep in your chest. Itís a positive nervousness, and I just know I am about to feel amazing. We both became talkative, but me especially, because I wasnít used to the drug like she was. I just leaned back on her bed, against the wall. I felt absolutely amazing, and would just start these conversations that seemed really deep and infinitely interesting. She seemed very interested in all I had to say about myself and my relationships with my best friends back home which I told her about. However, when the pills kicked in stronger, I started to lose the ability to keep to the same strand of my conversation. I felt the need to say things like, ďHold on. To understand my feelings for A (my girlfriend at the time,) you have to know about when I was young, and I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, but she really drove me crazy. Sorry Iím talking a lot, but would you like to hear about her?Ē L always wanted to hear more of what I wanted to say about my life. However, she kept doing more adderall. I decided to take more with her. Then we would tumble back into these long, and growing conversations, as I tried to explain the essence of myself, and I felt the way I did about everything.
All this time, I drank water pretty much constantly. My throat became increasingly dry with my consumption of more adderall, and I started to pee more and more frequently.
My throat became increasingly dry with my consumption of more adderall, and I started to pee more and more frequently.
I noticed when I peed that my penis was much much smaller than normal, so much so that it was hard to pee. I was in such bliss that I didnít let this bother me, and was kind of happy because I didnít want to have sex with L, and I knew there wasnít a chance in Hell I would have been able to that night.
When I went back to sit on Lís bed, I became aware of how fast my heart was racing, but I wasnít too worried about it because I was so caught up in expressing parts of myself to her, and focused my attention on the mostly one-sided conversation. As the night wore on, I recall my body began to feel spent. My mind was active, but I didnít want to move very much while sitting on the bed.
The conversations rambled on into the wee hours of the morning. One of our goals was to watch the sunrise, but we were so deep in conversation that we missed our opportunity. L was a little upset when she realized it, but I didnít care. Nothing could have brought down my pure bliss I was experiencing.
Eventually, we went out and took a little walk around 7 or 8 am. We decided to part ways afterwards. When free of my audience member, my mind turned more outward. The morning looked very beautiful, and I was mostly alone, because kids at my school donít get up early. I felt extremely outgoing and would have been happy to talk to anyone I came in contact with. I ended up walking back to my dorm, and sent out facebook messaged/wrote on the wallsí of most of my friends. They were generally happy and goofy comments, reflecting my state of mind. I talked to one of my friends, C, on line, and convinced her to come over at like 9am, after my roommate had left for class. I remember we had a really pleasant conversation, though I donít recall specifics, and she confirmed for me awhile later that she had enjoyed herself.
She left at about 10:30 am and I got ready to go take my test. I had lost a bit of my pep, but my mind was still pretty heightened in its thought processes, probably even more so than when I had had more adderall in my system earlier that night. I took my test, feeling like I did well on it, despite my lack of preparedness, though I had gone to most of the classes. I even kind of enjoyed it. After the test, I was pretty spent, and feeling a lot less euphoric.
I retreated to my room, and things went downhill fast. I began feeling very depressed, and actually really distressed also. My heart felt like it was beating with great difficulty. I guess I would describe myself as feeling close to death, and I was very scared. I asked a lot of my friends what I should do. The best advice was to drink lots of water and lay down to try to relax. I did so, and felt a small amount of comfort from this, but my heart still beat wildly.
I canít overemphasize how absolutely horrible I felt. I can honestly say that that come down from my first time doing adderall was the absolute worst feeling I had ever had in my life. I looked up what adderall was, and realized I had done speed all night. I had had no idea of the possible repercussions, and saw a few things of induced psychosis that could result from such scenarios, very similar to what I had just done, and became worried I had fucked myself up permanentlyÖ worried about everything, and absolutely filled with regret. I told L I would never do this again, and she told me everything would be okay and that she was sorry I was feeling so awful.
Eventually, I started to feel a bit better. Sleep finally came, and I woke up the next day much relieved, and feeling spent. I was positive I would never do adderall again, truly believing I had come close to death, or at least a hospital visit which would have been very disappointing to myself and my parents. When I got the test back, I had gotten a B+. Not bad. I bet I would have gotten a perfect if I had studied all night rather than conversed.
I think the most important thing I did that night to avoid more serious repercussions was drinking water almost constantly. I have not kept my vow of never doing adderall again, because my drinking ended up putting me in position that I needed to pull all nighters with adderall if I wanted to stay in school. To be fair, adderall has probably bailed me out of failing out of college a few times. I do find that taking the drug for studying has been worthwile and helpful, though it is hard on a personís body, and we donít really know its long-term side effects. I have been able to not become addicted to this very addictive drug, using it infrequently, only when necessary. However, I think I am rather exceptional at not getting addicted to substances, due to my stubborn frame of mind and strong morals. I realize it is a considerable danger, and hope everyone else does also who reads this.
When I went home for winter break, I stopped drinking, and got my head straighter. I was able to get in a better frame of mind for school work. However, alcohol has ultimately caused for me a lot of social shortcomings in college, and grade shortcomings as well. I let go of a very important person in my life because of alcohol, and since all my friends are big drinkers, I have not been able to completely eliminate the problem of alcohol from my life. This is the most direct reason I find myself having to rely on adderall on occasion for academic success.
I would like to end by saying that abusing adderall, especially in high doses, was the biggest mistake I have ever made, whether I knew what I was doing or not. I was lucky to not have suffered severe, longer term repercussions, as far as I know, but I just as easily could have. Even if I knew I wouldnít have any severe consequences like psychosis or a heart attack, I still wouldnít have done adderall that night, because the perfect bliss was nothing compared to the awful come down I experienced. I havenít taken adderall recreationally or in high doses since, and I am positive I never will again.
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