Citation: WorldInMyEyes. "Fixing Myself, Opening Up, Enjoying Life: An Experience with Ecstasy (MDMA) (exp70207)". Erowid.org. Oct 18, 2016. erowid.org/exp/70207
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Having grown up very introverted I still managed to have a small group of friends and a couple girlfriends in my life throughout high school and into college. However, I always feel somewhat out of place among even good friends at times, and have a lot of anxiety in approaching much of anyone outside of those familiar to me. I've somehow gotten by just fine, but when my girlfriend of 1.5 years left me, I was left pretty heartbroken and clammed up to the world. A few months later, I decided I was going to branch out and just have an awesome 20th birthday.
So I planned a get-together with my friends and family during which I was going to go skydiving for my first time. Beforehand we chilled and grilled steaks together, I went for my jump, it was incredible, and on the way home I talked with one of my friends about doing ecstasy that night. What a day. I have never done any drug in my life, nothing past sniffing sharpies in middle school, and have only been drunk <10 times. Needless to say, I don't have much experience, but had done a lot of research on ecstasy, its effects, and the possible damages it could have on my health. I knew that it could hurt me from what I'd read, but I also knew a couple people that have done it for years with no ill effects. Not to mention, the benefits sounded very, very promising to me, and after skydiving I felt on top of the world so much that it didn't even matter what happened while rolling so long as me and my friend had a good time, and we definitely did.
We didn't acquire the pills until around 1AM, three of one kind and two of another. We'd only planned on taking one each, as although he had experimented with a couple other things in the past, never had he used any 'designer drugs' such as ecstasy, and neither of us were very confident in our source. So we made our way to a party where everyone else was already rolling and dropped there.
T+0:30 - No feelings. Everyone at the party is having a great time, but we're not feeling anything out of the ordinary, and don't get what this is all about. We're both pretty introverted and aren't having that great of a time.
T+0:45 - The guy that invited me leaves and tells me to follow. We're still not feeling anything but are nervous about it kicking in while driving. Regardless, we follow him (he was sober) out to his girlfriend's place, where there's some other people rolling as well.
T+1:15 - Still nothing as we arrive at the other location. We're only there for :15 until her roommate kicks her out for whatever reason. We leave to go to another friend's house where its just five of us, three are drunk, and me and the guy I'm 'rolling' with are still waiting for the high to kick in.
T+2:00 - Nothing happens. We determine that the ones we took must've just not been anything, and decide to take the other two, the ones that were different.
T+0:30 - My friend is rolling while one of the drunk guys puts on a light show for him. He's LOVING it and I don't really understand.
T+0:45 - I'm rolling. Immediately I understand why its called ecstasy. This feeling is nothing like being drunk. You're completely coherent and able to comprehend things. You're not falling around and slurring your speech as though you were intoxicated, yet it is still somewhat hard to focus for any reasonable amount of time. You feel AWESOME. Totally at ease.
T+1:00 - The guy with the lights is still putting on a show for us, techno playing in the background, its 4AM now, and we're just in a dark room with music up loud, lights flashing, just talking and chilling out. The music seems to have passion, and the lights are glowing like something out of an anime cartoon. I have a strong desire to talk, dance, and most of all, just enjoy my life. We're having a great time. I feel fantastic and love life. All of my depressions about my ex, about problems in my family, and about anxiety amongst friends are long gone, and the world seems at absolute peace. It is the best I've ever felt. Period.
T+1:30 - At this point the guy with the lights passes them to us and we play with them by ourselves while he DJ's for us a bit. Cool guy, he's rolled for years and was just taking care of us. He hadn't had much to drink, I could tell. We're drinking a glass of water every :30 even though we're not dancing, just to be overly safe.
T+2:00 - With 5AM approaching he decides to take us for a drive. We're all car geeks so the sensation of being in a car while rolling is awesome. Combined with a couple subs in the trunk blaring techno... yes, it was awesome. We cruise for about an hour and return back to the house.
T+3:00 - At this time its 6AM, and me and my friend leave the house. As we're coming down the tactile (touch) sensations are still prevalent, and we still want to dance, while some of the other effects seem to have diminished some. We cruise around, music up, drive across the nearby lake, watch the sunrise, and eventually head back home. It was a great comedown.
T+4:00 - I'm wide-eyed, make my way back to my car and head home. I'm in bed by 7:30AM, and while the effects of the ecstasy seem to have diminished, my bed still feels wonderful, and I fall asleep within minutes.
I only slept for three hours that morning, and although many users report having bad 'hangovers' the day after, mine was nothing short of 'great.' I believe this varies from person to person, as although I was tired, what should I expect with only having had three hours of sleep? Looking back, we probably had about the most boring time one could have while rolling, and it was still so very good. It helped my attitude and perception of life. After reading so many 'it changed my life!' stories here on Erowid, I was DETERMINED that the people here are crazy, but after taking it, I can truly see how this is possible. Never did I experience any depression, and my trip was nothing short of spectacular. I felt excellent.
Ecstasy is not chemically addictive, rather it is such an enjoyable experience that I will very likely want to do it again just so I can have an awesome night with some friends. I am not dependent on it by any means, however I have done it twice since then. Each of the following times was taken at a techno club with different friends, and I found that my anxiety with strangers has completely melted away, and that I can dance with anyone without any regard to much of anything. I love it. I have no desire to drink alcohol at all anymore, and smoking weed seems pointless to me. Ecstasy gives me confidence and helps with my anxiety to the point where I feel like I'm another person. But most of all, more than anything else, it gives me the confidence OUTSIDE of when I'm rolling, to be a better person, and to actually speak up and be who I really am rather than the shy guy in the corner waiting to be approached.
Rather than being a habitual user, I have found a therapeutic use in it to the point where I don't need it to have a good time, and have applied my good feelings of rolling to my everyday life to the point where I finally enjoy life again and no longer suffer from constant depression. I truly believe that ecstasy has helped me, and while I do intend on rolling again, it is something that I will only do in the right settings with the right company. Just doing it those few times was all I needed, and now I'm finally opened up to the world, ready to take on anything.
I cannot possibly imagine a bad trip on MDMA alone, it just makes me feel so good.
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