Citation: Baker. "It All Makes Too Much Sense: An Experience with LSD (exp70035)". Erowid.org. Apr 21, 2008. erowid.org/exp/70035
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It was 10:30, a friend and I had just made it to our friends house and we decided to start early. They ate 1 tab each and I ate one with a microdot. The three of us then attempted to prepare everything for the trip. This was the first time they would be tripping and they had no idea what to expect, so I was partly their guide. Over the next hour or so I felt my trip slowly come on as I watched the curtains begin to ‘breathe’ slightly. I pointed out that my friends may feel a little nauseous as well or some other weird feelings. One of my friends explained that he was feeling cold and sort of numb but hadn't noticed any other alerts yet.
At about 12am we decided to walk the neighborhood and perhaps head to the shops. Everyone got supplies and we headed off, down through a few streets. I began to feel the trip taking a hold as I started to see different sides to my friends personalities and began to think about my prospects of life and how beautiful the surrounding world is. My friends kept complaining about not seeing anything, and I had to explain that the patterns they were seeing and the ‘structural’ type of visuals were that related to LSD and it's something one has to get used to. In retrospect it could have been their lower dose. We then smoked some weed and this is where the trip changed rather dramatically.
We walked back up the hill towards the house and sat down somewhere in between our journey. As we sat around staring at the visuals, my friends seemed to be pulling me down from the depth of my trip talking about T.V. shows and video games, the type of things that become so insignificant under the influence of psychedelics in my opinion. LSD to me offers an experience to accept and allows me to 'just be', Just a window to spontaneity. We got back to the house, collected some warm clothes, and got ready to go for another walk up a steep hill and this is where they began falling into the mental loops that LSD inspires, which had also been amplified by the weed.
To fast forward, a lot of running backwards and forwards through ideas for them went on as they started to cycle through the loops of thought in their brain. One of them was paranoid about someone being caught with a $50 of weed on them, he didn’t want to hide it because he was afraid he’d forget where he left it once he'd come down and he didn’t want to give it away because he was afraid one of us would steal it. Basically he was getting paranoid over a simple idea. The other kept saying we had to make it to this place (another house), and I kept reminding everyone to just forget about the situation and stop placing emphasis on getting anywhere, but enjoy the current moment.
In my mind state I was prepared to go wherever, I was happy just being who I was. So whatever would make both of them happy made me happy. They argued and got more paranoid. I tried to rescue them but they opted for the easy option… Valium, they both had 5mg each, not too much but enough to take the edge off. When it took effect they started to feel sedated, so we decided to head back home as it was about 4am by this time.
We smoked some more weed and now that I was finally able to disconnect as my friends had stopped talking as much I was able to really trip. I ran down the hill back to the house and it felt as if my body was alive as if it was some primitive instinct to run down steep hills through bushes, as we hunt our prey or whatever. I was pouncing and leaping from here to there. It was one truly amazing exhilarating feelings. Like all my senses were so accurately divided to achieve peak efficiency during this moment.
Now that I was alone again I was able to trip without any constant distractions of my friends. My mind constantly wonders off when I'm tripping, often losing hold of the idea I was previously thinking. But this time I was able to dwell on a theory about loops and fractals and how they occurred throughout all of existence, every single idea, thought, habit, lifestyle, animal, religion, pattern, followed these spirals or fractal patterns, and in retrospect upon research, it was like the golden ratio. I imagined the whole universe as a fractal that repeats itself. I imagined the universe as just one cell of an animal… or human body.
Earth is part of what makes up one individual being. But the thing is that person could be us… or the person next to us, it doesn’t matter because it is all part of the fractal pattern, and we as humans are able to transcend it and be anywhere we want if we stop focusing on the single solitary reflection of just one individual being. We are a part of everything and everything is a part of us, if you enable perception to perceive it that way. Everyone’s constantly seeking pleasure, what else do the majority of people live for in this world apart from a rather limited seeking of happiness? I saw my life going through my future as it hit the loops and I would be reborn only to experience the same thing again, or infinitely different each time which could eventually cycle through to the same thing without me realizing. I was everywhere at once, and no where at the same time. Meanwhile there were strong sensations of my body evolving into loads of different creatures or dimensions.
Its all quite hard to relay and I don’t think I can ever do a good job, but it was almost as if I finally understood the way the universe works in terms of its infiniteness and parallel dimensions. Life and death being so irrelevant while the essence of time and the idea of 'backwards' and 'forwards' as being a false measurement developed by man. There is only experience, and through experience we create reflection and after that we create a backwards and forwards in order of post and prior experience dimensions, but without these confines it is impossible to determine which way is forwards and which way is backwards and if we are even moving at all. Who’s to say we are actually moving forward in time right now, for all we know we could be the very things that are going backwards. We had fixed ourselves into transcendence, and now we are all just going backwards screwing it all up again like cancer, killing a human being back into transcendence.
I went through all the theories of religion in my head, all the subcultures the evolution of the world and the trickery of plastic surgery and medicine to trick our natural selection senses, how screwed up evolution has become, keeping alive those who really shouldn't have survived and perfecting a race that is now flawed by the decisions humans make. We are tricked into what would make the best child or the best adult by the media, by pop culture, by everything, by the essence of socialisation.
I wonder if it's just a hallucination that acid gives me, an all powerful feeling like I’ve worked it all out. As I start to come down, I try to seek solutions to the questions that were just proposed to me, but I don't find answers exactly, just questions that lead to more questions. When I felt as if I’d worked the entire universe out into the way in which we are here, I was overcome with a feeling of sadness as I got a strong sense that I was now so insignificant, and that my life lacked any real meaning. Going beyond why humans are here… why is the earth here… why is the universe and why is the looping fractals that are our alternate realities/dimensions here for. What is existence here for, I found nothing; as I saw everything will start over anew ready to loop following the ways of the fractals. Ideas follow the loop but occasionally branch off to form a new spiral that will get smaller and smaller too, and all anyone could ever hope for was a death that free'd them from it all.
I’d hit the peak of my trip and was coming down here and it felt as if I had hit the peak of my life and now I am coming down. I have appeased my mind and now I must appease my body. It felt as though the rest of my life could never quite humble me the way this trip did and it would be a downward spiral into the contemplation of death as it approached and I would no longer ever be as blissfully naive as I was prior to this trip. I watched some trippy videos on the computer that only reimbursed my theories in a weird yet acid like way, I listened to some psy/goa trance and watched the visuals. Throughout the whole trip most of my visuals had been fractal/spiral based, seeing little fractals make up every individual colour I saw and then seeing everything I saw make up an even bigger fractal which was then tied to my thought patterns and that of evolution and history making up fractals, then humans, habits, lifestyles etc. but one interesting thing was that I actually started hearing in fractals at this point, little fractals of sound or the sine waves being digested in my ears as little spirals that got digested through their sine waves into the language of perception.
Like with all acid trips, after the ego loss it all comes flooding back and I felt a part of the future, the past and the present, I looked into the past and made insights into the future. Just started enjoying being again, enjoying the taste of food and having a lust to learn again. The day continued and lots more happened that day, but they more revolved around life choices and making my friends, family and loved ones feel loved. I took a Valium for sleep just when I realized it was the last day to enroll for Uni. So I enrolled for Uni to start studying Neuroscience and then found out that it was my cousin's birthday. So it was a rather dramatic day following the trip, but that's another story of intense life integration.
Sorry if the story jumps around a bit, I was writing it as the memories came back, explaining that theory is definitely hard, it’s still something I can’t even believe I thought up the complexities of, but I can’t explain it very well. It also makes me think we could be the cancer of this earth, the one with the wrong genetic mutation that started rapidly multiplying that will expand until it kills off the whole universe, but it doesn’t matter it’ll all start again right??? It felt like god was saying “YOU HAVE WORKED IT ALL OUT GO BACK TO JAIL, DO NOT COLLECT $200”, like I'd learnt something I wasn't meant to learn before death and I could never go back to naievity, but in saying that, I must now teach everyone peace of mind, I am someone with knowledge who must bring knowledge to those less enlightened then myself, and not by telling them what I experienced but by challenging their consciousness too, to achieve a transcendental consciousness of civilization.
Now I’ve got to work out who are the teachers and who’s being taught in this world. Who I am to learn from and who is to learn from me, the cycle of evolution, and the black holes of knowledge that are a vacuum for depth and knowledge. Science Vs Acid is a beautiful thing. If there is no start or beginning… where is the meaning of making measurements?
How deep can these theories go into medical theories, perhaps humans are just a form of cancer rapidly multiplying and some greater being has attempted to cure us such as the cell/earth we live in by providing us with healthy air and drugs such as psychedelics, homosexuality, art, chaos and order and whatever other antibodies it wishes to throw at us. Its all up to what you want this world to be, because for all we know it we could just be a dream teaching the waking life of another organism, just like our dreams teach ourselves about our life. We are the keepers of a transcendental organisms universe.
I guess there are many things I may be satisfied not knowing without conviction, As avoiding conviction is the best path to open mindedness. Knowing all the answers would make one very boring life, but if one assumed these answers were just questions then the potential for learning new questions is limitless.
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