Citation: no.one. "I Continue to Use: An Experience with Opioids (exp69870)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2015. erowid.org/exp/69870
My love for Hydrocodone and Codeine started in early high school. Friends of mine offered me two Tylenol 3ís. I didn't know anything about opiates at the time, but T3's seemed pretty innocent, so I happily downed them. 20 minutes later, I felt a euphoric feeling. As I sat in my Government class, I noticed a great interest in the subject matter that I never had in the past. We broke up in groups to work on an assignment and I was grouped up with a girl named Courtney that Iíve had a crush on for some time. Thatís when I noticed the increased social abilities the Codeine provided me. I socialized with Courtney like I never had before. By the end of the class, my confidence level was through the roof. I felt like I never before, I felt like superman. From that day on, I had an obsession with the euphoric effect that Codeine provided.
At the time, opiates werenít as available as they are today. Shortly after my first high, I came across a school mate who had Vicodin 5/500. Offering 2 pills for $5, I gladly accepted. Instantly, I walked to the nearest water fountain. Knowing that Hydrocodone was stronger than Codeine, I only took one of the two pills. Walking to my next class, I had high hopes that Hydrocodone would provide a similar effect to that of Codeine. To my relief, the single 5/500 Vicodin did the job. There I was, the happiest, most productive, most confident guy in the school, at least thatís how I felt. For some reason, a single 5mg of Hydrocodone made me feel outstanding. I felt lucky; friends of mine needed at least 10mg to get the slightest effect.
The next three years of High School went well, no real physical addiction or tolerance due to low availability of my opiates of choice. However, I knew in my head that I would abuse these pills any chance I had. I graduated and landed a good job in technology. Between the age of 18 and 21, I started going to night clubs in downtown Detroit with a good friend of mine. Once in a great while, I would come across Vicodin and purchase as many as possible. Usually, I couldnít get more than a few at a time. One night, I had a couple Vicodin and planned on trying to pick up some girls at the night club. To my surprise, I ran into a very attractive girl from high school. She was the prom queen for the class of 2001, one grade above me. She looked absolutely gorgeous and on any other day, I would be completely intimidated by her appearance. However, I was on my super drug that night. I danced, laughed, and socialized with the highest level of confidence. A month later, we were dating and she moved in with me. It was a great time in my life and I will never forget the moments I had with her over the next couple years.
How convenient, she works for a doctorís office. She never knew about my urge for Vicodin, I hid it well. Still, I had no physical addiction to Hydrocodone due to its limited availability. I was doing well for about 5 months. Without Vicodin, I started to lose my mental need for the super pill. Her work would receive lots of sample medication for various conditions. She would bring home some of these medications. I didnít pay much attention to them, most were muscle relaxers and allergy pills.
One day, I suffered from a intense headache and I started looking through the medicine cabinet. I grabbed some Tylenol extra strength and took a couple with a glass of water. An hour later, my headache was worse. I asked her if she anything other than Tylenol that might work for headaches. She reached into her purse and took out a small sample medication package containing two tiny round pills called Ultracet (tramadol). Never hearing of the drug before, I thought it was some over-the-counter pain reliever. I took two of them and started washing some clothes. About a half hour later, I noticed an unexpected familiar feeling. Later, I learned that Tramadol is a quasi-narcotic opiate prescribed for minor pain. ďThose worked greatĒ I told her. ďWhy donít you grab some more from work for meĒ, I asked.
The next day, she dumps about 70 packages of Ultracet on the kitchen table. Trying to hide my happiness, I thanked her and went about my business. As soon as she was out of sight, I ripped open one of the packages and downed two of them. Half an hour later, Iím in a great mood. Tramadol does not give me the high that Vicodin provides, but it does get me about half way there. From that day on, I took about six Ultracet a day. I would take two pills in the morning before work, two after work, and two before bed. One of the side effects that I experienced was very vivid dreams. Also, I would wake up with a new sense of enthusiasm (from the two before bed).
Throughout the next 6 months or so, she would continue to bring fresh stock of Ultracet for the medicine cabinet. I knew she noticed that the pills were depleting at an unusual pace, but she never confronted me. One day, she informed me that her work was not going to receive anymore Ultracet. At first, I didnít think much of the situation. The Ultracet wasnít doing much for me anymore since I built up a tolerance. I figured it was time for me to stop taking them anyway. However, my mind changed once I was down to a single package, two pills. I took them at night so I would start my next day fresh. The next day, I woke up with enthusiasm as usual, but without a morning dose.
My first sign of withdrawal started at work. I felt a slight sickness, chills, and a lack of motivation. I knew why I felt how I did, but I couldnít do anything about it. That night, I started to worry about the next days to come. The next morning, I had a fever, chills, anxiety, nausea, and absolutely zero motivation to go to work. I missed work that day, but managed to attend the days after. For about a week, I felt horrible, far worse than I would imagine from such a wimpy narcotic. On a side note, my favorite music was very therapeutic during my withdrawal. Closing my eyes and listening to Coldplay would sooth me during times of anxiety.
Eventually, I started to function correctly and had a sense of happiness without a pill. Our relationship started to go downhill; resulting in me asking her to move out. I was a mess for about a month, but it was the best for both of us at the time. FYI; I donít think our relationship struggles had anything to do with my previous Ultracet abuse. Over time, I started hanging out with some close friends to keep me busy. They were oblivious to my past Ultracet problem. One day, a friend of mine notified me of a possible Vicodin provider. Vicodin being much more popular and available than it was in high school, it was just a matter of time before I came across someone selling them. My friends knew I used to take them from time to time, but they didnít realize what could possible happen if I had a consistent provider. My first purchase was $60 for 20 Vicodin 7.5ís. I happily handed over the money and instantly took one of them. A short while after taking it, I felt that wonderful feeling; better than Ultracet could ever provide. In my head, I remember referring to Vicodin as ďhappiness in a bottleĒ.
That night, I was at local bar with some friends. One of my friends introduced me to a wonderful girl. With limitless confidence, I mingled with her all night long. Three weeks later, Iím spending the night at her house often. Eventually, she moves into my place and we start our relationship off great. The entire time Iíve been with her, Iíve had a healthy supply of Vicodin, taking about 4 (7.5mg w/APAP) daily. By now, Iíve found a new supplier who is within a couple blocks from my house. One day, he ran out of Vicodin and offered Lorcet for the same price. I looked up Lorcet on the net and found out that itís basically the same as Vicodin except slightly stronger (10mg Hydrocodone). Over the next year, I consistently consume about 50mg Hydrocodone per day.
After years of usage, Hydrocodone only lasts about an hour before I lose 80% of my buzz. However, I continue to use. Over the last year, Iíve tried to quit multiple times, with different drugs and very little success. Iíve experienced mild physical withdrawal symptoms, but the mental addiction is by far worse. The daily urge for my superman high plagues my life. Iíve tried to go back to Tramadol, seeming as a lesser evil, but my old Ultracet high is no longer noticeable. Iíve found some small success in using Davocet to wean me off the Vicodin, but the nausea from the propoxyphene limits my intake. Also, I found when I take Adderall (an amphetamine for ADHD) I take less Vicodin, but itís hard to find Adderall in my neighborhood.
As I write this, Iím on Tramadol and cannot feel it. I have 2 - 10mg Lorcet sitting in front of my keyboard, soon to be ingested.
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