Citation: Magnus. "One Night Results In Lasting Discomfort And Panic: An Experience with Cannabis & Alcohol - Hard (exp69771)". Erowid.org. Jan 20, 2018. erowid.org/exp/69771
This experience happened a few years ago, but it was one of the worst experiences of my life, so I have a pretty good memory of it.
The night began when a friend and I went to visit another friend at his house. I don't remember much of what we were doing because one of my friends broke out at bottle of Southern Comfort right as we entered his room, but I would assume we were watching movies or playing video games.
I would say that I had two small glasses or around 10-12 ounces of southern comfort, which for being the size that I am, I was pretty wasted at that point. It started getting late and my friend and I decided to leave. I remember feeling pretty damn good before we left, but it was my decision later that would completely turn this situation to the worst experience that I'd had with any substance.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
As we were driving back to our houses and smoking cigarettes I decided that I wanted to smoke the remainder of the weed that I had bought previously. The weed I had was stronger than most of the stuff that my friends got around that area. It was the only time I've ever bought weed and my experiences with weed were usually enjoyable (aside from the occasional paranoia). My friend agreed to smoke some to, so we headed to a park that was near my house with my homemade bong to go smoke up.
I had smoked some weed while drinking before and felt fine, so I thought I'd be fine this time, but I've never smoked the amount of weed I did in conjunction with alcohol.
The park we went to didn't get much activity aside from people with boats and it was late at night, so we didn't worry about anyone busting us (well, maybe the chance a cop could bust us, but that's always a risk). So we loaded up the bong and passed it back and forth. After the first bowl was cashed I noticed that I couldn't feel it, so I decided we should load up another bowl, or to smoke what I had left. When we were finished smoking I could feel some of the effects, but they weren't intense, just feelings of relaxation and euphoria. We started to drive back to my friends house where we planned on watching some Beavis and Butthead.
As he started driving the weed really hit me hard. I became so disoriented that for periods of time (minutes or seconds) I forgot where I was or where I was going. I remember looking up at the street lights and seeing them as giant floating orbs and not being able to recognize the street below us, thinking we were floating or driving through the woods. I starting freaking out at that point, but not noticeably because I've never felt that way before. I felt very scared and out of control and as we were nearing my house on the way to his, I asked him to drop me off. He dropped me off and he headed back home.
In retrospect, I really should have gone with him to his house, but driving in the car was freaking me out too much. I wish I had not been alone, and had a friend nearby to calm me down or comfort me. I can't even explain the feelings of loneliness and helplessness I felt because I had no one to talk to.
I walked through my front door as quietly as I could and made my way to my sister's room to watch t.v. (she wasn't home at the time). As I tried to watch what was on I noticed that I could not pay attention to what was on the screen. I couldn't focus on anything and I felt very dizzy. I decided that I should try to go to bed.
As I made my way downstairs I was still freaking out a bit and wishing that I had someone to talk to. I was getting to the point of waking up my parents or my brother just so there would be someone to tell me that I would be ok or so I wouldn't have to feel alone. But I didn't get along with my family at all at the time and thought that If I woke anyone up it would make everything worse or that my step-dad would possibly yell at me.
So I went into my room, laid down on my bed and tried to fall asleep. My mind was too active for some reason because I couldn't fall asleep. It might have been because I was trying to make myself fall asleep, but as most people know, sleep can be elusive and it's very hard to make your body fall asleep if you try to concentrate on sleeping.
But of course I start freaking out because I couldn't fall asleep right way, saying to myself that I didn't know how to fall asleep or that I forgot how to sleep. I was also feeling completely alone and began having scary thoughts. I began thinking that if I fell asleep I would die or burst into flames in the middle of the night. It was a feeling of not being in control and that I was alone with no one to stop whatever I thought was going to happen to me.
After having multiple panic attacks I eventually fell asleep when my brain got too tired to think, although I kept waking up almost every hour looking at the alarm clock.
The next morning I felt awful. I was still dizzy and had a hangover. I remember still feeling some of the fear I felt the previous night (though nowhere near as intense) and had trouble even taking a nap. At the time I think I was a little sick with the flu or something close to it, so the hangover was so much worse. I never threw up, but I constantly felt dizzy.
As a result of this experience and me being slightly sick, I took an entire week off of school. I constantly felt dizzy during the day, which I could deal with, but because of the intense negative feelings and thoughts I experienced, It was hard for me to fall asleep at night. Every time I tried to fall asleep that week I thought I would die in my sleep. It was terrible, I could never relax at night because I could not stop thinking about dieing in my sleep.
After the week I spent on the couch the fear that I felt subsided quite a bit, but I would still get bad panic attacks. It got so bad at one point that I had to actually ask my mom to send me to a psychiatrist. He didn't do much for me, I eventually got over it myself with a combination of self-help material and relaxation techniques, but this experience it was kicked my anxiety into high gear.
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