The Hive Mind
Citation: Israel. "The Hive Mind: An Experience with MDMA (exp69389)". Erowid.org. Aug 22, 2008. erowid.org/exp/69389
||(powder / crystals)
||(pill / tablet)
This is a paste of an experience I shared with a group at another (community name censored) online MDMA community.
', I've got to share this with you. Simply because I know that you are the only people on the planet who stand a chance of understanding what I am about to share.
So, Saturday I rolled on pure MDMA Molly for the first time in my life. I have done X before, of course, but I was able to get my hands on 3 grams of 100% pure, unadulterated MDMA from a source that I have ultimate confidence in.
I prepared. I stopped rolling X a month in advance to let my tolerance relax. Two weeks before hand I started prepping. I began going to the gym three times a week. I drank a full carton of high-pulp not-from-concentrate orange juice a day. I ate balanced meals that I carefully cooked myself, no fast food, nothing bad for me. I went to bed at 10pm every night, and woke up at 7am every morning, and then took my full daily need of all essential vitamins (I went to GNC and dropped about $400 for the best stuff I could get, bringing one of the local health sciences doctors at my uni to guide me to tell me what I needed). On Friday, I felt better physically than I have ever felt in my life. I mean, I can't tell you how healthy I was at that point.
So, Friday afternoon, the caps arrive by mail. I wait patiently and tell my five closest friends that it's here. I screen it just to be careful, and can barely sleep that night because I'm so excited. I still manage to get a full 8 hours of rest. Then we all get together at my friend's apartment on Saturday night. There's five of us, three of us, myself included, are rolling, the rest are just along for the ride.
Here's the timeline
9pm - We arrive at our friend's apartment and make music selections for the night (we've got a really high quality 5'1 Klipsch audio system, I highly recommend it to you audiophiles out there).
9:15pm - We settle in and I handle out doses. My two rolling friends each decide 50mg is good enough. So they pop theirs with some ground up vitamin C tabs. I, however, want this night to be special. I rail 100mg of MDMA and follow it up by snorting up some water so I waste none, then take a 100mg vitamin C tab.
9:30pm - We begin by listening to a band called Massive Attack, I begin feeling it coming on. I know, that fast. My toes curl a bit reflexively and I just know I'm about to go on the ride of my life.
9:45pm - We're halfway through a song called Teardrop by Massive Attack, and it hits me. I nearly do a backflip out of the couch. I curl reflexively and my jaw goes slack. My friend asks me if I'm okay and all I say is 'Yeah. It's starting.' He gets uneasy because he's never heard of MDMA hitting that fast, nor have I. I'm not worrying though, the feeling is amazing. I can feel the oxygen going into my lungs in a very profound way.
10pm - Oh my god, ... It hits. At this point I realize the roll is real now. My perception shifts and what I see now I can only describe to you as Spiritual Synesthesia. I'm looking at things (it's a dark room with nice blue and green lighting from some of those cheesy lamps you get at Spencer's) in terms of pure colors, sounds, and God. I know that sounds crazy but I'm sure at least some of you can relate. We're now listening to Gregorian Hymns (I HIGHLY recommend this some time).
10:30pm - I and my rolling friends cannot physically stay on the couch, we /have/ to get up and move. We're off the couch and dancing very slowly in a trance-like state. We're now listening to Orbital's 'Halcyon and On'. About a minute into the song it hits me in the chest and my perception changes again. I freeze, I can't breathe because of what I'm feeling. I begin crying uncontrollably at this point, not because I'm sad or anything but because, you know. You all know why. Vision means nothing at this point. I am seeing nothing but sounds, lights, and palpable emotions. I look at my other two rolling friends and they look at me and the literal waterfall of tears down my cheeks and immediately begin doing the same. The two sober people are looking at us in utter awe of the experience we are having.
11pm - We begin to peak. I know, I fucking know. It's hard for me to explain this part because shit got so ethereal, at this point that I'm not sure what was just me and what was them. God's eyes become my eyes, and I can see straight through space-time and.. Guys I'm crying typing this because of how powerful just remembering it is. The two sober friends are up and moving with us. I can only assume they're getting a body high.
11:30pm - We are STILL climbing.. Our (yes, our) consciousness begins to break down and.. Man, /MDMA/, I didn't believe in any sort of psychic empathy before Saturday night but.. For awhile we became a hive mind. Nobody was talking to each other at this point. We could just look at each other and all the words we could ever have for each other were transmitted between eye contact. We're now listening to Jerusalem by Bill Laswell.
12pm - I'm reasonably certain that this is the absolute peak. I can't really explain this in a coherant way. Let it be known here that I'm Jewish, raised Orthodox. God touches me at this point. Reality just kind of peels away and I'm looking at these spectres. It takes a minute but I realize I'm looking straight at the souls of my friends and everything we've ever thought, felt, and done is laid out in perfect honesty. There are no secrets, and no facet too obscure or embarassing or anything to be hidden away from each other. By now I and my two rolling friends have cried out every bit of tears we have in our bodies, and I can feel the raw, primal force of emotion between the people in the room like it's a sort of wind blowing by us.
12:30pm - We're now listening to Pendulum, all of the Hold Your Colour album. It's just emotion sound and dance at this point. It was almost out-of-body in feeling, because it was just Happening. And we were just along for the ride.
1am - The music dies down and we begin to descend. But it's like air. We're all back in our own bodies and we sit down on the couch again together. Drink some water, and just sit and reel from what we've just been through, while our heads are still POUNDING from the very real fact that we are still rolling on a level higher than any before.
2am - We spend the last hour explaining our entire lives to each other. Not a single lie. We just sit and fess to every guilty thing we've ever done, and it's like breathing for the first time.
3am - All of us retire back to one of the apartment's bedrooms (2 girls, 3 guys, for reference) and lay down together on the bed. And the most incredible thing transpires. Believe it or not, it didn't turn into an orgy. We just laid down and got tangled up in each other and just related to each other on the experience we've just had. By 4am, we've all passed out. We wake up the next morning at around 9am, get together and drive to the closest Farmer's Market and buy all of the fruit we want, and we go sit in a field eating fruit and drinking water and just sitting in utter shock from the night before.
, I'm starting a religion dedicated to this substance. That anything as beautiful as this is talked about as bad as it is.. It's just criminal. I'm sitting here writing this in tears because my life, hell, the very person I am has been so fundamentally changed by Saturday night. I feel like I did when I was seven years old and the world was wide open and that there really, truly, was nothing to be genuinely worried about.'
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Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.