Citation: Recycle. "It Could've Ruined My Life: An Experience with Lorazepam (exp69361)". Erowid.org. Jul 17, 2013. erowid.org/exp/69361
It's amazing how much a small decision could impact someone's life forever. It may not seem like such a big deal to the 'hard-core' drug users, but it changed my life forever.
I have a couple experiences with over-the-counter highs (benadryl) like a lot teenagers. I've had one or two experiences with Vicodin and Valium also. Since I have had experiences with Valium before, I wasn't expecting lorazepam to have that much effect, but I was very wrong.
It was the day of the Who's Who dance at my high school and I was looking for a tie in my dad's closet. I noticed the orange pill bottle and thought it might be some leftover codeine my dad had had from his recent back problems. Instead it was a bottle of lorazepam. I opened the cap and took out 6 of the 1 mg tablets with 'WATSON' imprinted on one side. I had been under a lot lately. My parents were splitting up and facing major financial problems. I decided I wanted to take one or two for the dance just to relieve some stress and I just wanted to have some fun with my girlfriend. I took the extra four for any other situations where it would help.
At around 3:15, I took one of the pills with a banana and peanut butter sandwich and put the rest inside my wallet before leaving for my girlfriend's house at 3:30 to watch a movie and eat before the dance. 3 other people were coming (one girl without a date, and another girl with her boyfriend.)
Everything at her house was fine except a had a irresistible urge to go roll around in the wet grass. I decided it was not a good idea. We ditched the movie and just ate a little and talked. At 6:00 we decided to get dressed. The dance started at 7:00 and the location was quite a awhile from my girlfriend's house. I got a chance to use the bathroom at 6:10. After I changed I decided to take two more of the pills because one didn't seem to have that much of an effect. They were small enough so I didn't need to down them with any liquid.
We had to leave late because one of the girls had a problem with her dress. This is where things got a little fuzzy. I don't remember the car trip to the convention center where the dance was being held. I was not driving. I do, however, remember pulling up to the place and getting out of the car. I have no recollection of handing in the ticket and showing my ID, but I remember waiting for the girls to turn in their shoes. We then socialized a little while; the dance got started. I couldn't remember anything specific if I tried for about maybe an hour and a half. I then remember getting the other pills out of my wallet and somehow without making it obvious downed them all at once. Any experiences from then on that I can remember are indistinguishable from dreams. This includes seeing the dance club perform, my girlfriend and I walking around, my seeing a teacher and wanting to go talk to her but for some reason not being able to, etc.
The one positive thing I remember was if there was I song I really liked, I would hold onto my girlfriend, close my eyes, and dance. It was the most amazing feeling and some very positive closed-eye visuals were present. I can't remember the sensation much now anymore as with anything else.
At 10:00 P.M. The dance was over. I very vaguely remember walking to the car after the dance with the worst hiccups. In the car, the hiccups were really making my girlfriend laugh so I thought it was funny. When discussing what happened what happened with my girlfriend I remembered my girlfriend's mom telling me to eat a teaspoon of sugar to get rid of the hiccups. I remember getting to her house and eating the sugar. Apparently it helped because I was told my hiccups stopped after that. After that, I can only remember 5% of what happened next. Every thing I tell you is from what my girlfriend (let's just call her N from now on) has told me. I apologize that there aren't any time frames to go off.
I went to sit at the table and talk, but rather instead a just kinda put my head down and listened to N and her friend talk. N's mom then made us some chicken fries. When she gave me mine, she asked if I wanted ketchup. The conversation followed like this:
N's mom: Do you want some ketchup?
N: You're just going to eat them plain?
(5 minutes later)
Me: I want some ketchup.
(After getting the ketchup and putting it on the table)
N's mom: Are you okay? Why don't you go lay down on the couch.
I went and layed on the couch. N and her friend started talking about an English project.
N's friend: I haven't even gotten my poster.
Me: (I would sit up) Poster?
N: Yes, the English project.
Now sometime during all this I had changed back into my regular clothes and put my dress clothes in a Wal-Mart bag. After laying down for awhile I got up and hugged N who was still sitting at the table. N's mom sounded like it was a good idea to bring me home by that time so she told me to put my clothes in the car which was in the garage. I did that and walked behind the car. I then threw-up on the garage floor. I do remember throwing up for some reason. N's mom called my dad and told him that she was going to let me sleep at her house because she didn't think a car ride would be good for me. The next thing I remember is waking up on N's couch. I looked around and noticed she was sleeping on the floor. I had the hiccups again.
N: Do you want me to get you some water?
(About 30 seconds later)
Me: Hey N?
I fell asleep again without replying, scaring N half to death. I do not remember this conversation and N has told me there were a couple of conversations similar to this through-out the night.
I started to come down for the high, and at I'm guessing 7:30 the next morning, N's mom brought me home. I can remember bits and pieces of what happened next. I was apparently sober enough to walk up the stairs to my bed where I slept till about 12:00. I was pretty sober by then, but still had trouble staying awake and my ability to text N was difficult. Every now and then my vision would split up and I would see double of everything. I kept going back and forth to my computer to my bed trying to do what I normally do. I eventually fell asleep till about 4:00 p.m. Where I considered my self mostly sober and functional.
It's an absolute mystery why N's mom didn't bring me to the hospital when I started slurring my speech and not making any sense. No one else but me knew I was high on sedatives. My dad (who's an ex-narcotic officer) would've spotted it in seconds just from the stories from N's mom, but she's said nothing except that I threw up. If she would've brought me to the hospital I would've definitely been treated for substance abuse and would've put me in all sorts of problems such as suicide watch, which would've totally overwhelmed my parents to the point where they would completely lose all hope for me.
I can't even describe the possible consequences of my actions that night. The very small dose definitely had a very strong effect on my will power with a relatively low dose and I'm sure if I would've had more of the drug I would've taken it all. With my small body weight and empty stomach, I could have easily over-dosed if I hadn't already, mildly, that night. My actions were definitely screwed up and I could've done something really stupid.
P.S. Sorry if the story has holes in it.
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