Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Traveler. "My Perception of Time Went Out the Window: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp69360)". Erowid.org. Jun 20, 2018. erowid.org/exp/69360
First Time Experience, Mushrooms
This trip took place approximately 36 hours ago. I have never taken psilocybin in any form before, though I have extensive experience with LSD (100+ trips) and newbie experience with salvia (2 trips). I have extensive experience with other drugs that alter mood (cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy).
I went on this trip with a sitter who was also going to trip, but who has extensive experience with the chosen plant. I chose to read up on the plant and admonishments for use (such as 'this is not a party drug, but more of a turn the lights out and be quiet drug'), but purposefully chose not to read anyone else's experiences prior to use, so as not to color my own first use.
I chose to take 3 grams of powdered mushroom in capsule form, and we did so at close to midnight. It took approximately 45-50 minutes before the onset of any changes. At about the 40 minute mark, before I began experiencing any changes, we both inhaled a balloon of nitrous oxide, and the mushroom experience came shortly thereafter.
I curled up on the couch to wait. I start experiencing waves of 'buzziness' much like being high on marijuana or light nitrous. This state is very sensual, and I find myself aroused, and any physical contact is pleasurable. This state lasts perhaps a half an hour, and as the waves come upon themselves spaced less further apart, I notice my partner is curled up on the other couch. Occasionally I hear snoring or labored breathing so I ask a couple of times 'are you ok?' and hear noises of assent. I'm not extremely worried, only keeping a human connection at this point.
As the buzziness continues, the hyper-awareness of my skin goes from sensual to distasteful. Any rough touch, such as the scratchiness of the knitted blanket, made my skin feel inflamed as if I had been scratched raw by a fingernail.
I think I remain in this buzzy state for about an hour. I remember thinking that if this was it, I should perhaps have taken a larger dose.
Eventually a wave of buzziness overcomes me and does not let go.
Eventually a wave of buzziness overcomes me and does not let go.
I slide from this buzzed state into a state which I Can only describe as the 'crystal dimension'. My consciousness spreads out in a pattern like a mandala. But unlike a mandala, which is round, circles, and flowing, and perfect, this dimension was angular, lines, and imperfect and sharp, like a microscopic picture of ice crystals. I can't say how long I stayed in this state..my perception of time went out the window at this point. No LSD trip I'd ever been on produced visuals so intense, and that blotted out reality so completely.
Eventually I came back to myself, and my partner was standing up and asked me if I wanted to go cuddle. I was still shaken by the crystal vision and said 'yeah..i think that would be good.'
We go to the bedroom, strip our clothes off and get under the covers. I begin having a cycle of physical sensations: Being too hot, being too cold, having gas (which I called 'guts!' every time it happened), being too skin sensitive, my sinuses overflowing, and my eyes watering. I would go through each stage over and over, in a cycle pattern. I was able to be more verbal here, though language was a chore. During this cycle, at one point I could feel her palm on my back at my heart, and understood that she was feeding energy to the chakra (which she later confirmed). We had a conversation about whether or not the physical sensations were connected to emotional states (her contention) or not (my contention). We never came to consensus.
I feel her hand on my left wrist, and her other hand tickling my right tricep. I open my eyes to ask her to stop tickling me as I was in 'skin sensitive' phase, to find her other hand was not touching me at all. We have a conversation about that experience, and I fail to be coherent enough to explain what I'm feeling. This whole 'guts cycle' as I'll call it, probably lasted an hour or more. I found it more comfortable for me to lay with my back to her, and I figure this was emotionally driven, because we tried switching sides on the bed so I could lay on my side and still face her.
At some point, I mumble (from here, language was becoming laborious) that I think I've already reached peak experience--thinking the crystal dimension was probably the most intense thing I would encounter--and in the middle of her reply, I was lost to another experience, so I do not recall what she said. I will call this experience the 'surrealism cycle'. In this experience, I became a flesh-colored cactus with no spines, but the cactus branches were more like tentacles. One one branch was my jaw bone. On other, an eye. Above my eye, my eyebrows stretched and became something like a rooster comb, but pointed and stiff rather than floppy. My other eye on another tentacle, etc. Where my feet should be at the base of the cactus was a blue bicycle wheel. I was completely lost in this experience, and it blotted out reality. I have no idea how long it lasted. It was alien and disturbing and intense, though it was not frightening.
Eventually I come to myself, but slip almost immediately into another experience: 'Floating paint on water'. I saw reality as being painted on a surface. But that surface was like water...and then it was if someone stirred the water with a stick, causing reality to swirl together without actually mixing. It was less intense, and I wasn't totally lost..I tried to explain it as it was happening, but I do not remember the words I used. My partner asked if it was 'melty' and I agreed, but only because I could not find a better word. 'Melty' was inaccurate.
About this time, my partner got up to smoke a cigarette. I wasn't sure how she could be functional, because I certainly wasn't at this time, being in the throes of my experiences.
After she got up and left, around 4am, I started experiencing extreme time distortions, which I've since dubbed 'the Matrix experience'. This is the only time I felt fear during the trip.
I started having intense time distortions and dilations. Some things would seem to take forever. Other things, I would hear in the house, go into a buzzed state, only to come back to the exact same sound starting over. Sometimes it would repeat very slowly. Other times, it was staccatto and fast, like the face movement in the Matrix movie when an Agent took over a body. Eventually, I lost all time and I was stuck at approximately 4am forever. I don't mean '4am seemed to take forever' but more like 'time ceased to exist for me at 4am' I remember thinking to myself that when I came down, I would have no way to hold, mentally, the millions of years I was experiencing at 4am, with all time stopped, because it wouldn't stay in my mind. And it's true..that moment of frozen time (a milisecond? Millions of years? Without time, measures of time are meaningless) is very dream-like and hard to hold in my head. I had a lot of thoughts in that moment, but I cannot accurately recall many of them.
I do recall thinking that I had to teach myself to experience time in a cause-and-effect way again if I was going to come back to normal space. So I began taking snippets of sounds that I'd heard previously, and putting them together in my head in sequential order. This was a long, drawn out trial-and-error process. But eventually I came back to myself in normal time.
Now that I was back to myself, I was 'loose' in space time. I got up to go to the bathroom, and my partner called out that it was 4-something am, and I was glad for the frame of reference. I started imagining that I was flickering along alternate points in space time. At some times, I was in 'normal' time, in bed listening to the house while tripping on mushrooms. At other times, I was in an old girlfriend's bed. At others, I was at home. During each slip, there were alternatives, such as me imagining a timeline while tripping that I was shot and killed by a robber, and another where I had always lived at this house. I felt it important to remember and hold onto mentally the 'correct' time line, or there would be dire consequences.
I felt it important to remember and hold onto mentally the 'correct' time line, or there would be dire consequences.
This was difficult, though, as my high mind was very curious about the others, but I worked diligently at not being distracted enough to explore them.
While I was cementing space-time, I realized my partner had been alone for a long time. I went to check on her, and she was having an emotional epiphany about a tree blossoming. I left her to go back to bed, because I was barely functional.
I slipped into 'cell space'...I saw myself as a collection of cells. I felt like I was dying, my heart and breathing stopping. And I heard myself say to myself 'You're the only one making this shit go, so make this shit run'. My perspective was of something outside of my body, but viewing my body like a machine or puppet that I needed to keep running if I wanted to continue experiencing the world as I had been. So I dedicated myself to the task of keeping my bodily functions functioning: heart, breathing, peristalsis, etc. I remember thinking that if I were sober, I wouldn't have to think about this stuff, it'd be automatic. I pulled my perspective back, to see my face grey and looking like tree bark. Not scaly, like some bark, but long strips like wood grain along my cell structures. I then came back to myself, but still 'loose' in space time.
As I continued to work on cementing space time (with the occasional slip into staccatto-time), I heard the water running in the kitchen. I came in to find my partner disassembling my hookah (which I had smoked tobacco from earlier), and I explained we were high and that I'd clean it up when we were sober. I went back to bed. As I came to the end of the 'space time' experience, I heard the water again. Fearing I had once again slipped into the beginning of 'forever time' I got up and saw my partner cutting fruit.
I was afraid that she might harm herself because we were high, and asked what she was doing. She mentioned she was cutting fruit and could handle it. I felt my mind slipping into space-time possibilities: She might cut herself, she might flip out and cut me, I might try to take the knife from her and cut her, or I might try to take it away and get cut. I opted for the space-time choice where she realized she wasn't manipulating the knife very well because she was high. At that moment, she became a bit fumble fingered (which I pointed out), and she looked a litle panicked, and so I suggested she put the knife down and come to bed. She told me it suddenly had gotten hot, stripped off her clothes and came to bed. Language was much easier for me now, and I feel I was truly past 'peak experience' at this point.
We laid in bed face to face, and she asked me if I was ready to sleep. I said 'Soon', and let her drift off to sleep. I listened to her snore for a long time, and she occasionally woke up with a panicked start saying things like 'I forgot you were here'. Approximately 6am, I was ready for sleep, turned my back, and eventually sleep came. She woke up once during this time, and I recall telling her 'go back to sleep.'
End of experience.
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