Citation: Ila M.M.. "Orgasmic Understanding: An Experience with Cannabis (exp69285)". Erowid.org. Feb 11, 2018. erowid.org/exp/69285
I first smoked weed about 2 years ago. Since then, I smoke occasionally, not too much, and usually with a few friends. There have been times where I felt almost unaffected, and times when Iíve been pretty damn high. This time, however, was unlike ANY other. The intensityóindescribable. The most amazing and beautiful thing I have ever experienced, and the strongest I have ever felt anything.
This was less than a week ago from when Iím writing this. It was about 9.30 or 10pm and I had nothing to do and none of my apartment-mates were home. I had some pot sitting in my drawer that I had been waiting for a good alone time to smoke (because smoking alone on a quiet night at home is so different from social smoking, and it was the introspection and time with self that I was craving
smoking alone on a quiet night at home is so different from social smoking, and it was the introspection and time with self that I was craving
), and a virgin glass pipe, so I jumped at this opportunity and packed myself a bowl. I turned off the lights in my room and turned on my desk lamp so that the room was dark and only my desk area was illuminated. At the time, I was uploading and listening to the soundtrack from the movie Across the Universe (disc 2). Anyway, I took 2 hits, coughed a lot, and had to put it down because I was already too high to do anything else with it. What followed was better than anything I could have expected.
I was just sitting at my desk, on the internet and playing around with iTunes or whatever. At first, I just remember feeling really high. Nothing special. Then suddenly, the music just took over my world! I think it was the song Because that first enchanted me. I felt the music so deeply. Then Something, sung by Jim Sturgess. That was trippy. I was starting to feel like this was a religious experience (Iíve also had a lot of recent discussion with several people about faith and related matters, and Iíve been questioning my faith and had generally and loosely come to the conclusion, if you can call it a conclusion, that it didnít really matter). It was like fuck all that faith stuff Iíve been struggling with, this is what itís about. This isnít faith, or some fabricated, comforting belief, this is a godly or heavenly (if you will) experience. I felt Understanding penetrate me. It was a deep understanding, on a whole new level than I had ever felt. I felt flashes of Understanding of the intentions and plight of history and everyone on this earth.
I also came to a realization about myself. Iíve been in one relationship or another since I was way too young. So Iíve always had someone there to share my life with, and psychologically, Iíve always been pretty dependent on that someone. I tell him almost everything, and itís like I needed him to validate my life. I hadnít realized until this point that thereís a constant narration in my head, and I make mental notes of what to tell him. And if not him, someone. Iím always narrating my life for someone. Pretty sad, huh? At that point, I felt this understanding purge me of thatóI felt like it was a whirlwind coming out of the top of my head and a subsequent struggle on my part to shove it away and not let gravity (or anything else) let it fall back inside me and I made a promise to myself from that point on to stop the narration and live and experience for myself. Let myself fully enjoy or fully hurt, instead of thinking about how I could recount my experiences to others. And this enhanced even more the intensity of feeling that I was experiencing.
Around this time I also decided to document my high so as to not forget the profundity of whatever I was experiencing and also in an attempt to retain the intensity so I could read over it when I was sober again. This was a bit of a challenge (but so worth it). The first thing I typed was ďim too high to typeĒ. And I felt like gravity was pulling my world down more on my left than on my right, and thus, I and everything around me was at a slant. I felt airy, I think what a zero gravity environment would feel like. And typing, I felt like my fingers were floating across the keyboard. I typed as I felt, and so needless to say at times what I typed is incomprehensible (to other people, not to me, I know what I was feeling) and there wasnít much regard for grammar or spelling or anything logical. Also, I felt like the light was a hexagonal box of sorts from the darkness and I was in that hexagon of light. To the left of me was my roommateís side of the room and darkness and it started to scare me a little more every time I glanced over there.
I felt the music so deeply that I was actually scared of the music that approached me because I didnít know what it would do to me. It was piercing.
Out of the side of my eye I caught sight of the picture standing on my desk of my parents. I wouldnít look at it because I was afraid of what might happen and what emotions might come out if I looked at my mom (she passed away almost 4 years ago from cancer. I was only 15) and afraid that I wouldnít be able to handle it. I was struggling with this for a little bit, but got completely distracted by the song Across the Universe because suddenly I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING DRAGGED ACROSS THE UNIVERSE! It was so intense, and right there I orgasmed. I also felt like the backdrop on my computer screen was the universe. Looking into the computer screen, I felt like I was looking out into the universe.
Soon after, I decided to stop typing and just go feel it, so I abandoned the computer and lay in bed, still listening to the music, where I orgasmed some more (from the music and the intense feeling and realizations and Understanding, nothing physical). Thatís never happened to me before by the way. Its' pretty crazy. Anyway I soon fell asleep.
All this happened in about half an hour.
I definitely want to try this again, see what else Iíll feel and realize. Maybe explore things like the death of my mom. Who knows whatíll happen. And I bow down to the amazing Beatles, of course. They make so much sense on drugs ☺
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