Citation: Halo. "Tripstasy, Was My Trip to See Hell: An Experience with Alcohol & Bad/Suspect Ecstasy (exp68814)". Erowid.org. Mar 5, 2020. erowid.org/exp/68814
It was our end of High School celebration for 2008, which in Australia is referred to as “Schoolies Week.” It is a week long binge of drinking, smoking and taking any drugs you can score. 3 close mates and I were staying in a beachfront apartment approximately 400metres down from the main beach party.
It was the last night of the trip and we were completely worn out from a reckless week of smoking weed all day, drinking our favorite rum all night and hitting up the beach party
we were completely worn out from a reckless week of smoking weed all day, drinking our favorite rum all night and hitting up the beach party
in what had been the best week of our lives… so far. We had only managed to get on Ecstasy one night of the whole week from some guy in our same hotel, due to us not knowing any connections on our travel, which was disappointing as I had waited a long time to get back onto drugs and celebrate school being finished. Ecstasy, Marijuana and LSD are the only drugs I had ever taken during my schooling and I had been sober for almost exactly a year leading up to schoolies to help me concentrate on my senior schooling exams.
It was about 7pm and it had begun raining outside but we had all still started drinking up and began getting rowdy with girls in the same hotel as us when the phone rang. It was Turbo, a mate of ours that we knew from school saying that he could get on some E’s. We all quickly placed our orders. Benji asked for 3 and since I was strapped for cash I settled with 2. We asked Turbo what types of pills they were, because we heard there had been some dirty ones going around, but he said he didn’t know yet. The pill I had earlier on in the week was a completely smooth hit and seemed clean. I felt back at home with the beautiful feeling of ecstasy running through my system once more, and I was craving that feeling again, which is why, the following events of the evening may have been beneficial in the long run. I had a dreadful feeling that the pills were going to be “dirty,” and in that case I would sell my other one off to Pascal, another mate of mine who I had taken pills with many times and was keen to get on as well.
Until 9pm nothing different had really happened, apart from the usual routine of us all becoming increasing more drunk, with my excitement growing of what I anticipated to be the best night yet. The only thing dampening my spirits was the facts that it was still raining however not so heavily anymore, and the lingering fear that we were getting the dirty pills. I’m really against putting anything I’m not sure about into my system, and pills that are colored brown are always a bad sign in my books.
I think it was around 9.30pm the time Turbo had arrived with the goods. We all rushed to the door waiting to see what he had scored, and much too all our dismay, they were brown and speckled looking. “FUCK,” I was thinking. I had heard how shit these were. But hey it was the last night and c’mon man, there’s no harm in trying right? WRONG
Along with Turbo came another mate of ours called Dan. He said he had taken one approximately one hour ago and said he still wasn’t feeling anything. He was acting like such a come down all night. Every now and then he kept saying “man these pills are shit.” We would just tell him to “SHUT THE FUCK UP” because we had just spent a few hundred dollars on these little bastards. I think this added to my bad mindset from here on throughout the night.
We wouldn’t head down to the beach until about 10 or 11pm otherwise we just sobered up too early and didn’t enjoy ourselves for the rest of the night, and it would suck having to walk 400m back to the hotel in an effort to get more drunk. So by about 10.30 - 11pm once it had stopped raining, we headed out towards the main party on what was to be an epic night in my life. We walked along the esplanade towards the party, there were people everywhere. They said about 40,000 people were there for the last night. We made it into the party, which was along about a 200metre stretch of beach, with two music stages and water providing tents in between. As soon as I got there I was ready to take the pill, however I decided I wanted to sell the other one to Pascal. I rang him and we met up on the beach where he told me that he had already taken one almost an hour ago, but he was keen to double drop and take the second with me. 1 2 3 Tsunami, and down they went.
We didn’t do much but hang out with friends for the next half hour or so, until me and Pascal decided to go back to his apartment, drink a bit more alcohol and chill out till the pills started to hit us. I always know whether a pill is good or not by the way it hits me. I always keep track of time after I take them, and if at the 1 hour mark after taking it I am dancing uncontrollably, then I know they are good. However it was about one hour and 15 minutes into the pill and I still didn’t feel anything but a slight uneasy feeling that had crept over me. “Ahh fuck it” I thought. Pascal said he also had the same feeling, so we decided to head back on down to the beach to see how Benji and everyone else were going. We found our group of people of which everyone who had taken the pills seemed to have the same feeling as us. It then dawned to me that the feeling I had felt a whole lot like LSD. Everyone else all agreed to the LSD part. So I thought I would start dancing and just roll along with the strange feeling. I was dancing way different than normal. Not my usual energetic open self, but more strange and secluded, like I didn’t want anyone to dance with or near me. A dark feeling was creeping over me and it didn’t feel fun at all. This is where shit went downhill, and my memory is so much more hazy.
About an hour and a half after taking the pill Benji offered me a piece of gum. I took it and started chewing. I still didn’t feel right, it was just like I was on acid, but this was ecstasy? People started saying it was called ‘tripstasy’. To me it was just a dirty feeling. I decided to get a drink by myself when BAM. I accidentally swallowed the gum and it was caught in my throat. It felt like it was stuck just beneath the tonsils and I was coughing frantically trying to get it back out. This caused me to start spewing all over some fence I was leaning on. I remember everyone looking at me and laughing as if I was some drunken idiot that had drunk too much. I was fucking choking. I don’t know when, but some moments after the spewing I realized could breathe again, however I still felt as though I had a lump of gum in my throat.
I had the worst vibe come over me now. I felt extremely sick from the spew, I was in a state of absolute panic and paranoia from almost choking to death
I was in a state of absolute panic and paranoia from almost choking to death
and now I had an annoying lump and pain in my throat (I’m not sure whether the gum was still there or whether I was tripping too hard by now), but whether psychological or physical, that irritating lump stayed there all bloody night. I also felt as though everyone was against me after I had been choking and no one gave a shit to help me but just look. I felt on my own from now on. I made it to the water tent, where I asked the man in there if there was an ambulance nearby, because I still felt as though I was choking on that gum to an extent. The old man said he didn’t know, but I could sit at the back of the tent on a chair and drink some water.
From this very moment on until the very next day I was stressing. I sat there trying to swallow the fucking gum, but it wasn’t working. It was really hard to breathe now, and I kept asking for medical staff but with no one having a fucking clue where they would be. And now I kept thinking that I was going to die and no one could help me and it would be there faults. It was then I had my first hallucination of the night and the floor started moving in a wave like motion. I still wonder how I could’ve been tripping so hard off one Ecstasy tablet. I tried not to look at it because it wasn’t helping my state of mind, but every few seconds or so I’d get sucked into looking at it and go into some sort of trance-like staring state. I noticed that the man that had let me sit down talking about me to some other lady now. I didn’t know what they were saying, but I felt like they were against me. No one knew what I was going through. It was then a police officer came and stood next to me, although he was oblivious to what was going on in my mind. I really considered at this moment to just say to him “officer I’ve taken a bad pill, ill turn myself in if you can just get me some help.”
That’s when I decided I had to get out of that tent. I was walking frantically, but now I was on the sand and there was smoke all around me coming up from the sand. It was intense, and would’ve been cool if I wasn’t in such a paranoid state of mind. I found my friends again, who were none the wiser to what had been happening to me and what I’d just gone through. I found benji and accused him of trying to choke me by giving me the gum. This shows just how out of it I was. Officially even my friends were against me I thought. I had started breaking out in a tremendous sweat. I continued walking around paranoid by myself, sweating, feeling very overheated and for the first time began thinking that I was going to die tonight. I couldn’t help thinking of cases were girls had died from taking just one pill and thought that I was going to experience the same fate. I found Pascal. "Man I think I’m dying. Please get me some help." I was sweating, overheating and now I realized how fast my heart was racing. He said he would call 000 (AUS emergency), but I didn’t want to make that big of a scene. Maybe I was just overreacting a little and I would be fine soon. “Nah don’t call 000 just help me find medical staff or an ambulance on the street.” I didn’t realize how stupid I was acting, but I was so paranoid about dying now.” The spewing continued every 10 minutes or so and I think at this stage It was 2 hours after I had first ingested the pill. I kept thinking that the more I spewed the more I would get it out of my system and the better I would feel, but It wasn’t working and by now I had nothing left to spew up. Pascal and I made it to the street where I could find some help. Walking had become hard now. I felt as though I had a fever all over my body, and walking was hurting my bones.
At some stage in the next 5 minutes I lost Pascal, so I decided “fuck it, I’m going back to the hotel myself.” The walk back was terrible. Those damn 400metres on my own were so painful. On the walk I had become so paranoid I was going to overheat and die and I felt like my clothes were binding me and weren’t at all helping the situation. So I took off my singlet, necklace and shoes, and somehow managed to steal a water bottle from somewhere and poured it all over myself. I got back to the hotel and walked past security, made it to the bottom of the elevator when “OOOOH FUCK!” I just realized I didn’t have the room keys. I was panicking so much. I felt like if I could make it to the room, I could see this out, but now I couldn’t, and now I would die on my own. I looked at myself in the mirror and remember I looked like absolute shit. My eyes were so bloodshot and dilated and I looked like a walking zombie. Once again I remember spewing up all the water I had just drunk inside the hotel lobby, but by now I didn’t give a shit about anything except surviving. I walked back to the security and asked if they had any spare sets of keys. This was the most frustrating part of the night by far. This security guard, without exaggerating had an IQ of 22. He kept looking at me like “uhhh” duhhhh” I donno.” But as I was completely about to flip out from this idiot Pascal rang me. He said he had the key and he was coming. I stumbled out the front of the hotel and remember a friend from home calling me. I think I almost cried on the phone because I was that scared, but I couldn’t talk properly and I don’t remember much about what we were even talking about. Pascal and I had the key and headed up to the room. I can’t imagine how much of a comedown I was being for him, and he had had two of the pills!
I don’t know if I could even speak to Pascal, but he knew I needed him with me and he stayed in the hotel room all night like a great mate. From here on it is hard to describe physically how I was feeling, as it seemed like I was more mentally dying, due to how hard I was tripping. I went straight into the bedroom, opened up the door to the balcony and spewed off it, then turned the fan on. I laid in bed for maybe 1 minute, shivering, sweating and overheating, and but could not stop thinking how this was going to be my death bed. I was in an enormous physical pain, but yet worse mentally, as I convinced that my life was slipping away.
I convinced that my life was slipping away.
Any physical pain I’ve ever felt can be endured, but when your mind is telling you that you’re not going to make it, you don’t know what to believe and there’s no worse feeling. I wasn’t really trying to sleep, as I was convinced that if I slept I would have no control over whether I died or not. I was in a frantic state of walking around, doing anything I could that would convince me I’m still alive and the more I got up and moved I could stay alive. I had to stay up and fight for my life. This is when I asked Pascal how my heart rate was going. This is when he told me If anything its going slow. This scared the shit out of me, and sure enough when I put my hand on my chest I only felt 3 beats in about 10 seconds. I’m sure this was completely mental, and I was just tripping too hard, but it was as though my mind was trying to make me die.
Pills usually only last me 3 hours from the moment I swallow them, so I thought If I could make it to the 3 hour mark I would be O.K. Sometime within the next 30minutes of rolling around in my insanity and physical discomfort I realized I couldn’t do this anymore. I got up to see Pascal who had just been sitting outside the room by himself. I now realize how much this ruined his night as well. I had decided to ask Pascal if he could go tell security to call for medical help. Next thing I knew, security was in my room, checking up on me. It wasn’t the same moron from earlier, but still this man knew nothing of what I was going through. I could barely bring myself to say anything, but he looked at me and spoke to me for a little while and said I would be O.K. and left. This frustrated the shit out of me, but at the same time made me realize that maybe I was just tripping too hard and no one could see what I was going through because it was all in my mind. But I couldn’t understand how I could be this bad off just one pill, that wasn’t even supposed to be LSD.
As the security left, Benji came back. He says I told him to ‘fuck off’ which I have no recollection. But that room must have been filled with an incredible dark energy of my pain and insanity as in my mind my life was hanging on by a thread and I was so scared. It had gone past the 3 hour mark and nothing had changed. I repeated the process of sipping water laying there in my mental deterioration for 5 minutes then spewing the water back out over the balcony. I felt like as long as I kept doing something I could hang on to my life. I’m not sure how long this went on for, but it sure seemed like an eternity in my inner hell. There was one stage I remember I felt like giving up. Like this insanity and discomfort was too much and I would just accept defeat and death. I even texted my Mum and told her I loved her, and then closed my eyes, which mentally seemed to me like it would be the lifeless act to take me to the other side. Maybe I would die, maybe I was just tripping too hard and I wouldn’t I thought, however a second later I snapped out of It and sat up. I couldn’t risk my life like that. I would just have to endure the pain and stay awake and I’d stay alive. Sleep had become the gateway to death. This continued on until early morning, and I saw light creeping over the horizon, however I still felt insane and physically weak. The last thing I remember from the whole night was staring into the fan on the ceiling and seeing it as a spiral. I felt like I was getting sucked into it, and the wind it was blowing was air hitting against me from the speed that I was getting sucked up at. After this I think I may have finally passed out from exhaustion. I woke up about 3 or 4 hours later and it was time to get on a plane and go home. I still felt like shit, however I managed to get on that plane and make it home alive.
I believe in Karma when it comes to drugs. One work a hard day’s work for the money to get them to have fun. Then one has a whole nights worth of fun, which almost evens out the karma of the time and money spent on them. However since one has so much fun, the comedown and withdrawal and side effects experienced even out the karma once again which makes it almost non worthwhile in the end. Just like sometimes you get lucky and have a completely good and positive experience, but no doubt you’ll do it again and sometimes you don’t get so lucky, which balances out the Karma. But that’s life and we do things to experience the ups and downs of emotions to fulfill our lives.
Ecstasy has brought me many pleasurable nights in my life. But this night of hell has completely balanced out every previous experience, to make ecstasy seem non worthwhile to me anymore.
To this day Pascal still hasn’t payed me back for the pill, but I told him not to. I still feel guilty for selling a mate something so terrible.
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