Citation: Roygbiv. "The Ultimate Duality: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp68366)". Erowid.org. May 8, 2008. erowid.org/exp/68366
||(powder / crystals)
Recently I had the opportunity to work closely with the tryptamine 4-Aco-DMT, this is one of the rarer research compounds which has nevertheless received a number of glowing reports from people who have used it. While there is no way of proving (without hefty expense) that what I received was definitely 4-Aco-DMT, the properties of the chemical are too unique to be classed as anything else; it has some very interesting and unmistakable actions on the mind.
The initial plan was to have a psychedelic experience with one of my friends at his house, where I was going to stay the night. Due to some unforseen circumstances, we were unable to dose at the time I had planned. As the night wore on, I became more and more impatient to begin, yet I could sense my friend was hesitant. In the end, he decided against it, and so I decided to hold off and drive back home where I could relax and trip comfortably by myself.
The idea of tripping by myself did not bother me; this was not my first time with 4-Aco-DMT and I had realised that all of my best experiences with the chemical have occurred when there was nobody else present to colour or hinder the experience.
It was approximately 2.30am when I downed the mixture of 19 mg 4-Aco-DMT with Coca-Cola. Like most compounds, the taste is synthetic and slightly bitter. On an interesting side note, I received a number of different coloured “batches” in my order, which were all separately packaged. The largest batch was a tan colour (the most commonly reported colour of 4-Aco-DMT), and there were three other batches, varying from white to off-white to even yellowish-grey. I have not yet tested the strength of any of the batches apart from the tan one.
I searched my music collection for something appropriate to listen to, and decided upon Nightmares On Wax’s “Smoker’s Delight” along with a Shpongle disc. The setting, as usual, was my living room. From previous experiences, moving around on 4-Aco-DMT is extremely difficult, so I find laying down and watching visuals on the TV to be the most rewarding way to use the chemical.
The onset is usually pleasant and gentle; 4-Aco-DMT seems to physically and mentally relax me before the experience increases in intensity. I much prefer the onset of tryptamines as opposed to phenethylamines, which tend to be very speedy, and cause too much anxiety, nausea and restlessness. 4-Aco-DMT produces none of those unpleasant effects; it feels natural and yet completely surreal at the same time. The lack of nausea is especially interesting, I tested this theory by eating some fries from a fast food outlet about 20 minutes before I took the dose, and never once did I feel even remotely nauseous.
Within 20-25 minutes of dosing (roughly 2.50am), the music became more and more confusing to interpret. The best way to describe it, is as though “pieces” of the music began to separate themselves in the wavelengths of the sound, so it felt like a lot of the details had disappeared somewhere. My flatmate had her TV on in her room (even though she was asleep) and I could hear something resembling a news broadcast. The words were all completely jumbled, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not understand what the newsreader was saying; it sounded so alien and foreign. I became a little bit frightened because for some reason I thought that the voices I heard were maybe inside my own head, and that I was perhaps going insane. Another remarkable effect of 4-Aco-DMT regarding sound is this: the further I am away from the source of the sound, the more jumbled it becomes. For instance, if I left the living room to walk to the kitchen, I could still hear the music playing but I could no longer identify it - I had no idea who the artist was, I could hear a few details but those details became increasingly distorted; a random rhythm hear and there, was that a flute I heard? Or the cry of some wounded animal in the distance?
From my description it sounds as though this effect is unpleasant; but in most cases I thoroughly enjoy it. It also appears that sound distortion much more prevalent with tryptamines, I usually get a small amount of distortion with 2C-E for example, but to nowhere near the extent of this.
At this early point in the trip I started to feel a bit anxious, this is a fairly common feeling I get after ingesting a substance, and usually reflects my mindset at the time. I think perhaps subconsciously I was disappointed that my friend didn’t want a psychedelic experience, and also slightly jealous that his life seemed to be working better than mine at the moment. I tried to put these feelings aside, and ended up wrestling with my own subconscious. In these situations I can only do whatever I can to try and feel better; in this case I decided to get up off the couch and go for a walk to the bathroom.
At this point, all notions of time and reality had completely disappeared. In the bathroom I felt better, yet for some reason I couldn’t even remember my own name, I seemed to think it was ‘Gary’ (it isn’t.) This idea made me laugh, yet I didn’t even really know what I was laughing at; I think I found the idea of pretending to be someone else nonsensical. As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, I was stuck in a trance; my vision completely glued to this person who was staring back at me. My thoughts turned to people, mainly those from work, and I thought about how some of them meant so much to me and yet others meant barely anything. It sounds really arrogant, but as I stood there looking at myself in the mirror, I thought I looked really amazing. I felt proud to be me, I felt like everything that ever has happened to me has happened for a reason, even though it wasn’t clear at the time. I thought about the marvels of the human face, how we can form so many expressions, which can convey so many emotions, and yet many of us in our day to day lives avoid looking at other people for too long in case they think we’re strange, or that we have ulterior motives.
I knew from these reactions that by now I was starting to peak. The first part of the peak was really mindblowing; everything felt and sounded amazing, from the feel of my t-shirt against my skin, to the texture of the carpet on the floors, to the sound of cars driving on the streets outside. I walked out of the bathroom back into the living room and decided to turn on the light. As I sat on the floor, I felt a lot of compassion for everyone in my life - I realised that none of us are perfect, we all have our problems and concerns, and that nobody really knows what they are doing. Nobody has it “all together”. Nobody has life all figured out. They are on their own journey, just the same as me, and at the end of the day, it’s the lessons we learn in life which are ultimately the most important. We are born alone - we die alone. And then it occurred to me - “do we really die? I don’t think that we truly die. How can we? We are living, breathing forms of energy and matter. Everything in the entire universe is connected at the same time, it is just an endless loop; an endless journey through time and space. I KNOW I have been here before, I’ve been in this place before. This isn’t my first time in the world, I have been here before. I’m not sure if I was an animal or a human, but I’ve been here before, I know it. It feels all too familiar to be otherwise.”
These were obvious notions of reincarnation, I’m not normally religious but I tend to find myself asking these sorts of questions on psychedelics. This is why I enjoy them so much, I feel as though at the end of a trip I have been shown everything there is to know, and yet at the same time I have been shown nothing. It’s the ultimate duality - the good feelings and the bad, much like life.
Moving on, I wanted to briefly talk about open eye visuals (OEVs) versus closed eye visuals (CEVs) on 4-Aco-DMT. As with most tryptamines, the feeling of 4-Aco-DMT is all very mental, it’s as though I can visualise my very thoughts swaying and tilting from side to side and collapsing in on each other. The whole experience is impossibly deep. This is markedly different to phenethylamines, which I find tend to simplify one’s thoughts and collapse the whole of reality onto a single thread. The OEVs on 4-Aco-DMT are not altogether strong; which I am grateful for, because this means that bad trips tend to be less frightening. The peak tends to feel like a cross between a dream, a lost childhood memory, a previous life, and the absolute end of time and reality. CEVs are by far my favourite part of the experience, as I don’t see them with my eyes but with my mind (or the ‘third eye’ as some people call it). The colours are vivid and rainbow-like; I am shown images of gods and deities, complex Egyptian temples and other places, the sheer beauty of which I cannot even describe.
On the gentle return to reality, I remember that I have the ability to move and speak. Usually I find myself very dehydrated, and so I drag myself to the bathroom to drink a large volume of water and reflect upon the experience. Eventually, after what seems like an eternity, I finally make my way to my bedroom where I fall asleep without even getting changed, as the effort seems far too much to handle. There are no unpleasant hangover effects, and the next day I feel exhausted mentally but altogether refreshed and rejuvenated. I am so grateful that compounds like 4-Aco-DMT exist, if society was more open minded and people had access to these chemicals, I think the world would be a much better place. I feel that studying and testing these compounds opens a person up to what their true purpose in life is.
And my true purpose is…..? It’s the ultimate duality. We will never know.
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