Citation: D.M.. "How I Screwed Up My Life: An Experience with Hydrocodone, Methadone, & other opioids (exp68189)". Erowid.org. Oct 13, 2016. erowid.org/exp/68189
As a fairly experienced drug user (licit and illicit), I've acquired a good basic knowledge of drugs in general. Throughout my junior-high and high-school years I've used and abused a good amount of both prescription and 'street' drugs which include; marijuana, cocaine, DXM, Ecstasy, psylocibin mushrooms (as well as a few other psychedellics), as well as just about every
prescription opiate/opioid on the market. Opiates have always been my drug of choice.
For a depressed, anxious, stressed-out, insecure 20 year old kid such as myself, opiates have been a 'godsend' as well as a horrible curse.
I first started using prescription pain-killers at the age of 17 during my junior year of high-school. I first acquired the little guys by way of a friend I sat next to in class (lets call him 'M'). M had recently broken his arm and undergone several surgeries. His Doctor had prescribed him Vicodin 5/500's to ease the pain. One day we got to talking about drugs which brought up his recent experiences with the pills. I was EAGER. I had always heard about kids and adults alike abusing drugs like this. During this time, I was a frequent pot-smoker like many other kids in the school, but had no experience what so ever with narcotics. With this in mind, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I hardly even had to ask before 'M' pulled a little orange pill bottle from his book bag and emptied 12 of the little guys into my hand. We were good friends and I was given these FREE of charge.
Later that night upon finishing my homework and retreating to my room for the night to relax, I grabbed a glass of water and choked down 4 of the 'little watson 349's'. Keep in mind I had never done a narcotic and had NO tolerance to these drugs. Within the next 15 minutes I began to feel a 'warm fuzzy' feeling crawl over my body. I had never felt this way before. The feeling intensified over the next half hour and I felt GREAT. Perhaps the most relaxed and happy I had ever been in my entire life. I laid on my bed with the lights out listening to The Postal Service and staring at my beautiful blue lighted mist machine as the feeling intensified.
This is where I experienced the classic 'NOD' that had been associated with this type of drug. I absolutely LOVED the feeling of being half awake while drifting off every minute or so with such VIVID pictures and experiences going through my head. I continued lying down soaking up this amazing experience up to the point that my girlfriend called. Despite being interrupted during this 'magical new experience', I was extremely happy that she had called. The immense satisfaction that I got out of talking to the girlfriend while I was high was extraordinary. I enjoyed every minute of it more than I had ever enjoyed talking to anyone. I was very much surprised at the fact that I was able to be so extremely 'coherent' while at the same time, experiencing the buzz of a lifetime. This first experience was GOOD. TOO GOOD. That night stuck out in my mind for weeks. I wanted to keep on going, keep on experiencing this type of thing regularly. I began doing a heavy amount of 'M's' school work in exchange for vicodin. This went on and continued for about six weeks until his prescription expired and his supply diminished.
From then on for the rest of that school year, I was always eager to get my hands on pain meds whenever the opportunity arose. My searches for vicodin occasionally paid off. I used it as much as possible which sometimes was quite often. During that school year I had taken a good amount of vicodin, T3's, darvocet's, norco's, fentanyl patches, and finally OXYCONTIN! OXY was amazing. Oxy I Loved. With my growing tolerance with hydrocodone, Oxycodone was something I could do just a miniscule amount of, and feel the 'out of this world' effects I felt the first time I took vic.
Regardless of what type of opiate/opioid it was, These were BEAUTIFUL drugs. Nothing else like em' in the world. Their ability to motivate me, inspire me, simultaneously relax AND energize me, and allow me to socialize at ease had me in love. Opiates took a place in my heart right next to my lovely and amazing girlfriend.
My use of these 'pain meds' throughout high school was off and on. My supply was only occasional and a steady source was something I could never find. Other people such as my friends and 'dealers' didn't quite share the same enthusiasm for the drug that I myself did. Most of them had already found THEIR wonder drug long ago, and of course for a bunch of teenagers, that drug was pot. Pot just didn't cut it for me. For alot of kids, getting high is getting high, regardless of what drug you use and how you do it. Pot did the job for them, after all 'a buzz was a buzz'. NO! Not that way for me. Opiates are a high of their own. I have a deep appreciation for their ability to deliver the greatest most pleasant feelings while not making me incoherent and 'stupid'. I began to adopt a general bad attitude towards pot-heads. To me, they were dumb and lazy kids who didn't do squat, except for either sit at home or drive around and get stoned. To me, they were empty souls that are going nowhere in life. I still feel that way to this day.
It wasn't until after graduating high-school two years ago that I met a friend who shared the same enthusiasm for these drugs that I had. Lets just call him 'D'. Last spring, me and D would spend each day in its entirety looking for our pain meds. Let's just call them 'killers' from here on out. To me and D, this was a bonding mechanism. It was how we got to know each other and was the basis of our friendship. Before spring was over and the summer was in full bloom, I met a VERY steady supply. I'll call him 'T'. Directly from T I was able to get oxycontin (both 40's and 80's), norco, and an endless supply of methadone at a decent price. T was prescribed to methadone for an existing spinal cord condition which gave hime 260 ten milligram pills each month. T was willing to sell half of these each month which gave me a potential of 130 methadone's per month. I was extremely eager to buy as much of these as possible, seeing as how I had waited for this type of connection for such a long time and wanted to take advantage while it lasted.
During this time, I worked a full-time job at a restaurant and made a sufficient amount of money to support my habit. Note; 'enough to support my habit' That's right. Just enough, nothing more. Every penny I had last summer was spent on my 'killers'. I turned into sort of a bum. No money, EVER. No gas, always had to borrow money from either my parents of girlfriend. I was always broke and in need of someone else to help me. But I at least managed to get high pretty much daily for most of the summer/fall months. As time passed, T began to take advantage of me, charging ridiculous prices when supply was short and sucking away everything I had. It was at this point that I began to have severe withdrawals when I would go a day clean.
I began to have severe withdrawals when I would go a day clean.
Now I absolutely NEEDED me pills. At this point, It was almost exclusively always methadone. When I was broke, I would take some belongings to the pawn shop and get paid JACK SH*T for mr hard earned goods. In a matter of six weeks I had pissed away years and years of gifts/possessions for my 'pill money'. My guitars, my amps, a TV and DVD player, a countless number of albums and movies, and a desktop computer. It all now makes me absolutely sick to think about.
Opiates wasted nearly a whole year of my life and sent me backwards in life. I still had my girlfriend though. We've been together over three years now. We decided it was time for me to change my life. This past fall I successfully detoxed several times (relapsing of course each time). Thankfully though, I've toned down my use heavily. I've recently been given a job at a hospital as a nurse assistant after being unemployed for the past couple months. My girlfriend thinks it's ABOUT TIME! I'm looking forward to earning back everything I lost, and much more. This is the first chapter in a new book and a great way to start off the year.
As far as my use of opiates goes; I'm still a user. I'm pretty sure I always will be. I consider myself a seasoned 'opiate connoisseur' as ridiculous as it may sound. This is a beautiful drug, but a powerful one. Capable of tearing apart families and turning lives upside down. RESPECT these amazing drugs. I now do. I have cut down my use by ninety percent and have 'tamed the beast' with daily doses of poppy seed tea, which works great. I actually also just ordered ten grams of Kratom from an online source. I hope to soon never have to touch another pharmaceutical ever again. That's the goal. I'd like to stay 'organic'. For my sake and my future wife and family's sake.
PLEASE ENJOY RESPONSIBLY.
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