Citation: D. Courtney. "A Fantastic Voyage: An Experience with LSD (exp68177)". Erowid.org. Jan 17, 2020. erowid.org/exp/68177
||(blotter / tab)
I took 3 blotters, my girlfriend took 2 and my buddy took 2. It was a pretty good time- it started out kinda like shrooms, and we were happy. About an hour into it, I just felt the urge to create. I grabbed a pen and just started drawing on every piece of paper I could find. I still have the pizza box from the incident. The whole time we have some great music going, and it was awesome. This is kinda the part where it turns iffy. Talking to people after the fact, I found out that everyone thought that I was freaking out. I wasn't. I was having the best time of my life.
everyone thought that I was freaking out. I wasn't. I was having the best time of my life.
While I was drawing, it seemed to me that I could sense something inside of me.. Like something that had been locked away behind countless doors was being released. Every time a door opened, I would be able to function less and less. I could see the doors in my mind. One after another, I pushed them open. Before long I was just standing in the middle of the room, not moving at all except for a slight shaking from anticipation.
Finally, I opened the last door, and lo, what did I see? I saw art. Not like, paintings and stuff. I saw the essence of art. I was filled with inspiration and overwhelmed with emotion. 'Clay!' I screamed. 'I need some fucking clay! I need twice my own body weight in clay!' but no one had any. I became frustrated. Here it was, the dream of every artist. To bear spectator to the essence of creativity, yet I couldn't relate it to physical manifestation. I began to cry. Not just regular crying- sobbing hysterically into my hands. I fell to my knees- and yes, I was frustrated, but it felt so good to cry; each tear rolling down my cheek felt like it was devine nectar to my mortal flesh. But everyone in the room became worried. 'This is bad.' they said. 'This is really bad.' Did they know something I didn't?
Suddenly, I went further. Beyond the valley of creative essence..I began to realize things, answers to questions long asked. I was afraid at first at the answers to my questions, but it became clear what had to be done. The entirety of existence was to culminate very soon. I would destroy the universe; undo creation. I didn't want to, I was terrified. But I knew it was an inevitability.
As this moment came closer and closer, I began to realize something. I was the only one who didn't know this was going to happen. I looked around at the 10 or so people gathered to watch us trip and they all smiled at me. They had KNOWN. And didn't tell me. I became angry. My girlfriend must have seen this, because she grabbed me and started yelling to me, 'It'll be okay, sweetie. It's OKAY.'
I became angry. My girlfriend must have seen this, because she grabbed me and started yelling to me, 'It'll be okay, sweetie. It's OKAY.'
which I took to mean 'It's okay, we know what you have to do. Do it.'
I could tell that the time for existance to be undone was fast approaching, because at this point, everyone's voices were warping. The room became smaller and the walls began melting. I accepted it. I went around to each one of my friends and I just looked at them. There was a small spot in the middle of my vision around which everything began to warp. I knew that the time was here. I looked at the clock. 'It's 7:14. Make a note of that.' I said. I grabbed both of my girlfriend's hands. I thought 'I love you' with all of my might, but I couldn't speak. My arms, without me telling them to, began to move outwards as my vision stretched. The scene was much like that of anaphase in mitosis.. Where the cell splits into two peices. I split, my girlfriend split, the room split. All was black.
But I still had conscious thought. 'Where am I?' I thought, and was surprised to find that I could speak. I felt a sensation of floating weightlessly. Soon the blackness gave way to specks of light. They grew brighter and brighter still. I realized where I was. I was in space. But how? I had just destroyed all of existence. I decided that the answer to this question was far too much for me to comprehend, so, seemingly unharmed, I decided to enjoy myself. I soared through the stars, at ever increasing speeds. I orbited planets and skimmed the surface of their bodies of water. I was happy. But then something strange happened. I began spinning out of control. The infinite space surrounding me warped in front of me until they formed an eye. A blue eye. It seemed familiar. Suddenly I was on my bed, with my friend Kevin sitting there. 'Howya doing, buddy?' he asked.
I looked at the clock. It was 9:12. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that my trip would end in about 4 hours. 'This is gonna take a long time. A very long time. This is gonna take a long time.' I repeated, over and over again. 'Yes, it will. But it'll be fine.' Kevin reassured me.
I looked at the ceiling and realized there was none. The vast space that I had formerly flown through was still above me. I marveled at it and wondered how this could be real. I realized then that it wasn't. It wasn't real. None of it was. It was all an illusion. I looked at Kevin and he nodded. He knew. And he knew that I knew. 'It'll take along time, but it'll be fine.' he repeated. Suddenly reality began to spin again and I fell into his iris.
Suddenly reality began to spin again and I fell into his iris.
What I beheld was the same scene I was just in, except now jake was there. This happened a few times until my roommate, his girlfriend and my girlfriend were all there. 'Oh god, this sucks. This is gonna take forever.' I said aloud to no one in particular.
But then I saw it in the back of my head. It was a shining light, infinitesimally small. It was the meaning of life. I could reach it, if I tried. 'The.. Meaning of life?' I thought. I looked around. Jake smiled at me. 'Hey baby'. He said. His face was beginning to warp. His eyes were huge. 'You're funny looking.' I said. 'Is it to be gay? Is that the meaning of life?' I asked. But then I dismissed it. 'No, it's backwards... That doesn't make sense. We wouldn't exist if we were all gay.' I fell into his iris again, but this time, after I returned to the scene, I felt a cool breeze. I understood. The closer I got to the meaning of life, the closer I got to reality. Perhaps the meaning of life was to kill? No, that wasn't right. I unwrapped another layer. Pleasure? Pain? Pain.. That must be it. We must all endure pain to find true happiness. I looked at kevin. 'This is gonna hurt. This is gonna hurt so bad.' He smiled. 'No, it's going to take along time, but it won't hurt. I promise. You're almost there.' He said I was almost there. I was close to figuring it out. It began to dawn on me. 'I've got it!' I yelled. Everyone got up and gathered around. They were excited. They knew I would figure it out. They were waiting. 'It's to create.' I thought. That is the meaning of life. The light in my mind expanded and engulfed my being. A stream of words rushed from my mouth, I having no control over it.
I had broken through this false reality. I had peeled the shell. The address and time that I uttered would be where and when matter would be first created. That was the purpose of our existance- of the billions of years that came before. It all culminated in I, an inhabitant of this illusion, this dream world, was to name the time and place for the real world to begin. But now that we had fulfilled that prophecy, what was next?
Because we had reached the end of our planned existance, I realized what was going to happen next. It would have to be undone, and done again. We would all live our lives backwards until conception, at which point we would cease to exist. The cosmos would draw closer together until the beginning, and the big bang would happen again and it would all be over. But that meant billions of years in reverse.. Could I take it? 'This is going to take along time!' I said, but it came out backwards. It was garbled. 'No, you'll be fine.' came the voice. It was my friend jocelyn.
I looked up at her, seeing the stars behind her through my roofless dorm. 'Hi' I said, weakly. She smiled. 'Hey. How's it going?' she asked. 'Not so great.. This is gonna take a long time.' I replied. 'Yeah, but it's almost over.' she reassured me. And she was right. I watched as brick after brick fell into place, forming the upper walls of my room, and eventually the ceiling. Jocelyn soon left and I sat up and looked around.
Was it real? Or was this just part of the illusionary reality? I couldn't remember anything that had happened before that point. Seriously nothing at all. I remembered names, but I couldn't remember my birthday, my childhood, even what I had done in class that week. I got out of bed and looked around. I realized that my girlfriend had been in the bed behind me the whole time. I looked at her. 'I really have to piss.'
Anyways, my entire trip was about 7 hours total (which was a disappointment). I spent the rest of the night calming down my girlfriend who tripped well into the morning. It remains as the greatest experience I have ever had as a human being, spiritually, mentally, and physically. It was intense, but rewarding.
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