Citation: Dj Chill. "Two Faced, Relaxed and Enraged: An Experience with Bromazepam (exp68026)". Erowid.org. Jan 29, 2018. erowid.org/exp/68026
Let me first explain my use of recreational drugs in the past. I've done other benzodiazepines before, such as valium, ativan, xanax, klonopin, so my experience was not because of lack of benzodiazepine experience. I've driven, been to work, sat in classes at school without any negative situations surfacing ever. I did not make the best decision going out in public under the influence of such drugs. I will never consume bromazepam again unless I'm taking it as advised, for anxiety/nerves. I understand now why bromazepam is not mainstream other benzos.
Now for the beginning. Being curious to see what else there is besides the usual valium/xanax/klonopin I found a source that had a few other less known benzodiazepines. I received 50 tablets of 6mgs bromazepam, better known as Lexotanil, with the original intent to try some less known names from the benzodiazepine family. Shortly after receiving them I was in awe that I was about to try this hard to get benzo, as no one I know would recognize the name if I mentioned it to them, therefore it was quite foreign in these parts.
I made haste and popped 12mgs (2 tablets). Within 30 minutes after taking them I could feel the kick coming on. Upon reaching the peak feeling I noticed it had a different feel to it that I couldn't quite put my finger on, but nonetheless it still had the usual benzodiazepine feel. I cannot recall that day quite well but I ended up taking 9 tablets, 54 mgs before I went to sleep that night. This dose was of course spread out, took the 2 at first, then another 1 after peak, then 2 more an hour later, then another 2, then another, then 1 last one before I went to sleep, equaling 9 tablets taken total.
Now this is where things get really negative and adverse. Let me explain beforehand I've recently had a bit of an attitude change from working out, getting a bit cocky, the usual extra confidence and less tolerance to bull-shit in everyday life. Make note I am not taking any steroids or anything of that nature that could inflict a change in my attitude in this manner. While under the influence of bromazepam I managed to have several situations of rage where my temper would have been controlled or leveled down whilst not being under the influence of bromazepam.
While under the influence of bromazepam I managed to have several situations of rage where my temper would have been controlled or leveled down whilst not being under the influence of bromazepam.
I need to get really really mad and upset to make my anger known publicly and open, in most situations where I am mad I keep it to myself and no one knows other from the unhappy smirk on my face that something is wrong. Taking bromazepam totally denied that control that I had on my anger. Read on and find out why.
I'm not sure of the exact order inwhich these experiences happened therefore I'm just going to start with one and continue from there. Several times while taking bromazepam I had a extreme urge to leave and go out and go places, whether or not I had a goal to reach in sight. I managed to head out to the local Wal-Mart to pick up some supplements and such for my working out needs. I pulled into the parking lot and rushed into a convenient parking spot to find out a shopping cart is keeping me from pulling in all the way. I pull in as far as I can go, park my car, get out and start pushing the shopping cart away then as I approach the cart collection station I lift the cart up and whip it, throwing it into the collection station. The guy collecting carts saw me do this and he immediately apologizes saying he's sorry and such, I tell him hey buddy it's not your fault some asshole customer left it there. He was obviously startled with my reaction. Normally I would've just chose another parking spot, or if needed I would have just pushed the cart forward allowing me the room to get into the parking spot. Repeating this type of action would be highly unlikely, under normal conditions.
Upon driving home from Wal-Mart I was caught up in some extreme road rage. I can get road rage driving sober but usually it lasts a whole 10 seconds until the situation is passed on. With bromazepam playing its role, almost every time I drove on it I had a bad case of road rage.
I'm currently in college as we speak, and of course having this bromazepam in my hands I wanted to mess around with it more. I picked a easy day where nothing of any importance was going on, therefore I could enjoy my bromazepam in peace. I took around 12-18mgs before my 1st class for the day. As the beginning of class approached I headed to my class feeling the bromazepam taking effect. I sat down in class pulled out my notes and pencil awaiting to learn a new subject that a substitute teacher was teaching. Soon after the sub started teaching us this new topic I grew disgusted with his way of teaching, so much to the fact I could not stand sitting and listening to him anymore. I scribbled, literally scribbled some notes down, packed up my materials, and left the class. I walked out into the hallway and immediately felt a wave of relief, knowing I would not be able to sit in that class for 2 hours listening to that sub teach us. Realizing I had another 3 hours (including in between time and my math class) to be on campus I made a logical reasoning that I should just leave as I will probably just get into some trouble being in the mood I was in. Although I have both friends and enemies at this school, I was looking forward to see any of them, just so I could smoothly talk to them, of course with no hostile thoughts in mind. I didn't happen to run into anyone I knew so I left early.
Another quick note, I have sat in a class, of a hour and a half whilst under the influence of lorazepam, and I had no problem sitting that period of time with a even more boring teacher reading the material off power points.
A neutral experience for the report now. Speaking earlier about the extreme urge to leave my house when on certain substances, I was being torn up by the hands of boredom once again. I decided I'd head to the south side of my city, don't ask me why as I usually have no reason to head out there but for some odd reason I felt the need to go out there, with the guidance of bromazepam. I stopped at almost every store that I had interest in, as I had a decent amount of cash on me. Stopped at several discount, 3rd hand stores, suprisingly picking up some nice clothes. Usually these places have shit but I came out of each store with at least 2-3 items. I later headed to a Supermarket which I haven't been to in a long time, since we have the same store, Meijer on my side of the city. After finishing up there I returned home with my goodies. Funny note not till a few weeks ago did I realize I had bought half the stuff I did till I found some new shirts in my dresser hahaha.
Now for some conflicting moments with all these little adventures to places on bromazepam. Bromazepam my short term memory unlike valium, xanax, klonopin in smaller doses. Upon coming out of these stores, mainly the big supermarkets where they had huge parking lots, I could not remember where I parked. Usually I have a general memorization of the area I parked in, like 2 rows over, mid way down etc. When I came out of Meijers I paused and realized I could not recall where I had parked. I started walking in hopes of seeing my car or seeing some type of beacon to recall where I had parked. Luckily I caught a glimpse of my car in the distance 2 rows over from where I was walking. I sat and thought damn this is what a senior citizen must feel like when their memory starts going.
The coup de grace comes right here. I took around three 6mg's tablets during work. My job does not require much physical work, other than the occasional 'furniture moving' type work, where I have to haul equipment around, nothing heavy just requires a bit of active lifting. I took my 3 and stared enjoying myself. Then my boss mentions the fact about me getting a raise I should have got, I said I did not receive it. First off my boss bullshits with me acting like he put in a 110% effort to get me a raise, when it was more of 40% effort. He got a little frustrated as he did not understand why I didn't receive it and thought it was wrong. Then my supervisor (who keeps watch over me and my boss) starts chiming in with talk about it. Saying I could get it and such but its not under her control. I start getting a bit of upset as she made it seem as I was getting ripped out a raise. I start asking questions, wondering how the procedure of receiving a raise works. I realize from their explanation, my boss and supervisor, that I was in fact getting ripped, not by them but by the company. I started pacing the floor wondering what I could do, trying to build up a legitimate reason to stand by of forcing this raise issue. I reach for our radio in anger (to communicate amongst the rest of the company). I go to call my friend downstairs to consult with him about wages. Being upset I miscommunicated, pulling a dyslexic moment, reversing the names therefore not getting my communication across. He comes upstairs I go out in the hallway and you should've just seen the look in this guy's eyes. He knew I was furious and he was even talking in a nervous tone. I realized he was of no help, I went back in consulted with my higher ups about what my friend told me and they basically said it wasn't true that he was not getting paid more than me although he was. This really ticked me off, my boss left to go take care of work and I told my supervisor I was going to get food/drink from a place within walking distance from where I worked.
Reasoning, disturbed and favored in the way of which you feel is just, not what is right, but what feels is not downing you as a person....that was my attitude right then and there. I started walking towards the building to get some food, but I said FUCK IT, I reversed my direction and started heading for my car. I had the urge to leave, to go somewhere once again, where I could become relaxed and content again. I headed to my local mall not but 10 minutes away from where I worked. Upon entering I felt a huge relief, knowing this is a place where I could enjoy, see some attractive females, and furthermore put off what I just went through. Walking through the mall/stores I felt extremely upbeat. I went to all my usual stores that I go to, spending extra time in each of them more than I usually do when I go there. I went into hot topic where they had a bunch of things that caught my eye, as in the retro stuff. I seen a hooded sweatshirt that I was in total disbelief they had. I tried it on seeing what size I needed, and bought it. I even made extra conversation with the unattractive female working behind the counter, being in the good mood I was in. I was back in a overly joyful mood, my supervisor even called me wondering where I was, knowing I was upset. I explained to her and told her I was about to return in 15 minutes. Luckily I have a extremely caring and awesome crew that I work with where I could literally get away with murder and still keep my job. That little trip totally 180'd my attitude and I was 110% content by the time I got back to work, apologizing and explaining my feelings. Both of them agreed with me and told me its ok how I acted, that they understood.
So lets conclude this overly explained report. Along with the usual/typical effects from a benzodiazepine, bromazepam brought along insane and unexplainable rage, in which the only way I could explain these uncalled for outbursts would be similar to that of experiences I have heard of a side effect from a user taking steroids. They were quite comparable. Along with that bromazepam totally wipes out my memory like no other. I can remember months ago when I had a large supply of valium and tell you moment by moment occurrences of stuff that happened whilst on a large dose of it, even times when I passed out and what happened before and after. With bromazepam, over the period of a week, 7 days, 168 hours, I can only recall the moments shared here and a few others (another 2-3 situations). This was all only several weeks ago. From that week's time I'm lucky to remember a total of 8 hours of activity total from that whole week combined. Now that should make you wonder what the hell does this stuff do to you?
Reasoning, mental control, and emotions are literally on the moment, pure instinct like reactions whilst under certain substances are forced, without my conscious intervening, weeding out the decisions I toss out, the decisions I do not think to make. Moderation is key, control is often optional under these substances, make control mandatory and enjoying responsibly.
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