Sleep Deprived? Understatement.
Citation: Hobbes. "Sleep Deprived? Understatement.: An Experience with Methylphenidate (Concerta) & Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp67391)". Erowid.org. Dec 18, 2015. erowid.org/exp/67391
I have tried Methylphenidate countless times before this experience. This one was different because I could not stop using it. I was diagnosed with OCD and ADHD when I was a child and my parents had received for me bottles of Concerta and Adderall. I may or may not get back onto Concerta because I was whacked out of my head one time and ended up in a hospital a few months after this experience. I will explain what happened to the best of my knowledge.
I remember being very happy having a bottle of Concerta waiting for me at home. I had gone through my parent’s old drug box, which in it I had also found the Adderall. Now I know that Adderall is amphetamines, and Concerta is on the Schedule II list for a reason. I became rather addicted to how it made me so happy and feel useful and smart. I felt that when I was on it, the world was mine and time stood still or sped up for me, however I wanted it to.
My mind was at an ease when I came home, I was happy knowing that I had so many pills waiting for me. I was not doing so well at that time, school went to hell and I was hanging out with my friends a lot in parties and finding a way to escape the world however I could. I quickly grabbed the 30x54mg of Concerta pills I had hidden under a plank in my closet and took four of them. I remember actually sucking on the outer coat because I loved that spicy, tingly, sharp burning feeling that you can only get from that kind of drug. I cracked open a few more pills and tried to dissolve it in water, but to no avail I just downed the whole thing. Along with this 30 pill bottle (I had consumed many more before this one) I had the Adderall I found mixed with my old Prozac pills also stored neatly in a bag hidden from view.
I was patiently awaited for the effects and decided to sit down and play some computer games while waiting. I remember after about 20 minutes I started to feel happy, I started to feel secure and powerful. I wanted to chat to everyone on MSN, I felt like when they answered I was the center of attention and everyone loved me. Even bold or rude remarks (I realized I was making some myself here) towards me did not bother me but I took them as something good instead.
About 10 hours later, of watching TV and taking a few more pills, my heart rate was rather high so I decided to go for a calming walk. It was dark by now, and paranoia is something that I had never gotten from amphetamines because I would take a large dose and then sleep it off. The air was cool and it was cloudy I remember, I must’ve walked for about two hours. It is something I would never usually do, but it seemed so right and peaceful at that time. When I got home I watched some T.V. but then I decided I want even more. So I pulled out the Adderall. I crushed about 5 of those and snorted them. By this time the rush was too great. I sat at my computer, literally, for TEN hours, leaving about twice to go to the bathroom (although the whole time I needed to pee). For those ten hours I was obsessively organizing things on my computer. My legs, I remember, were purple, I had not moved them at all, and my skin was flushed and hot, my armpits were sweaty and my back was wet with sweat. My mouth was dry and my eyes were weary from staring at the computer screen. It was morning when enough of the stuff had worn off and I noticed what I was doing was stupid. So I decided to take it easy and because I was feeling okay I went to school that day. I took a cold shower, washed myself up, put lots of deodorant on and took a bottle with me because I knew how the stuff made you sweat. School was as usual, I skipped most classes and went out to smoke a lot, joined my friends and had a few Redbulls at the local Seven-Eleven. I was not hungry at all, but my mouth was dry most of the time. I must have taken a few more in school to get me through. My tolerance was pretty high by this point.
I got home and played some more computer games, and I don’t remember much of what happened until that night when I went out with friends. One of my friends had called me and said he was having a hangout night with a girl in my class who lived by me. I must have sounded really dumb and confused because he started to get kind of angry. I was starting to feel the first tinges of paranoia. I had been up a day and a half by now, and I said that I would come.
The walk over there was hell. It felt like things were going to jump out at me all over the place. Things were hiding in the bushes, waiting for me. I had to call up my friend to tell him to come pick me up half way because I was freaking out. I told him then what I had done and he chilled me out, told me to take it easy, it’s just a trip. That calmed me down. The chill out was nice, we smoked a water pipe and watched some T.V., played some cards and did some drinking games. I went home at about one in the morning, and to get home I had to count my steps. Otherwise I would freeze in fear because it felt like someone was following me. When I got home I took many, many more pills. This is when my memory went.
The whole night and afternoon passed by. I was lying in my bed with my eyes open for about 12 hours, moving them back and forth on the ceiling following lines. I had to follow the lines or else something bad would happen. It was Saturday now, but my mom came into my room anyway and saw how I looked. She freaked out and asked if I was okay. I said I was fine and just felt a bit queasy, maybe I had caught something. I just needed to rest. She agreed and left the room but was suspicious. Curious, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was too screwed up to care that I looked like a zombie. My fingers were PURPLE. My nose was PURPLE. My ears were PURPLE. My face was red and my eyes were bagged. My heart felt like it was going to bust out of my chest. The effects were wearing off and I tired and confused, aggravated and grumpy. I would shut my eyes and for about 10 seconds I would feel relief, then it was as if they just sprang back open again. The drug was still well in my system. Bound not to have a shitty weekend, I bet you can guess what I did. Yeah. I took more. And now I was extremely paranoid. I took the pills into the bathroom, and my bathroom has three compartments. A small changing room, then a small shower room, then a small bathroom. I locked all three of them and took a hammer, crushed the pills, and had the water on so that nobody could hear me snorting. The funny thing is, nobody was home. My brother was at a friends house and my sister and mother had gone somewhere. I must have snorted about four of them.
For the rest of that day and mostly through the night, I was just doing stupid, repetitive tasks. I said that I was going to bed, that I still felt sick, and my mom looked even more suspicious because no matter how sick I was before, 6:00 in the afternoon was NOT a bedtime for me. At about two o’clock in the morning, I decided it was safe to come out of my room. This is where the hallucinations started. I turned on the light in the T.V. room and the light came down from the ceiling. It crawled around the walls. It fluttered to the floor. Before it reached the floor, the floor was still dark. I could see light moving. Occasionally, I would see bugs flutter around and then disappear. I would hear voices of my siblings even though they were sleeping. Those I could deal with. But then, there were those I could NOT. I would look into a mirror and it would not be me looking back. The person I saw would turn their head without me, would blink without me blinking. Would smile without me smiling. Hands would come out of the trashcan, crawling out, and then dissipate into nothing. A crippled foot I would see start to come down the stairs (I was in the basement, the T.V. room is there) and I would hide behind a door for about thirty minutes, my heart racing, hearing sounds all the time, sometimes footsteps. I have never been so paranoid in my life. My heart was going to explode.
I was able to make it back to my bedroom from the T.V. room, (About thirty feet) in four or so hours, hiding behind most things and looking all over the place for anything that might try to get me. I would have to build up the confidence I remember for about one hour to jump into a dimly lit room to turn on the lights. I would avoid mirrors at all costs, including ducking down underneath them or “attacking” them from behind, literally jumping up on them and pushing them flat on the desk or table. To get to my room it was thirty feet, but it felt like a lifetime. When I got to my bed I had all the lights on and I sat there until daylight came. My room is in the basement so the only sunlight I got was through a small window near the ceiling. I had about four or five blankets on because I was freezing and I had not eaten in three days. I had not drunk very much at all, only about a sip here and there for the last two days, just to swish around my mouth and get rid of the cottony feeling. I could not sweat and my body was feeling very hot at the same time. If I could look at myself in the mirror then, that noon when I finally managed to get to sleep, if I could look into the mirror and see what I looked like without freaking out…I honestly can say I am glad that I was paranoid and did not look into the mirror because what I would have seen would have probably given me a heart attack.
I slept for about thirty hours and my mom said that she had screamed at me and the alarm was on for thirty minutes before she went down to turn it off, and that I did not budge. I lied and said that I did in fact wake up but went back to bed before she got home, because she had gone somewhere that day, at least she told me. The next few days I got nauseous when I thought of the feelings that drug gave me, but then shortly after I started taking it again, and again, and again. Until I got caught.
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