Citation: Neo. "Cuero Mi Futuro (I Want My Future): An Experience with LSD & Opium (exp67031)". Erowid.org. Dec 27, 2015. erowid.org/exp/67031
Okay so I had three hits of liquid dropped onto altoids. I dont know how much LSD there was on these things but it's the strongest acid I've ever had. One of the altoids broke into about 3/4s a third of that right before work. For some reason I didnt feel it strongly, maybe it just didnt get soaked in that place. At 11:00 PM I drop 2 altoids. I get off of work at midnight. In 30 minutes I start to feel it coming up and start watching these trippy videos on youtube. I remember telling myself 'Wow, look at the colors' and couldnt believe I was seeing them in a black and white youtube video. At 11:45 I am seeing tracers HARDCORE. I'm moving around the mouse at the computer and the tracers are unbelievabley strong and it's getting hard to think. I'm thinking I timed this just about right. I finish closing up but I fumble around a little and the security guard might of thought something a little strange was happening to me, I think mostly because I didnt want to make eye contact, My pupils must have been dialated as hell.
So I leave work and I'm exstatic. The ground seems so strange, like it's made out of plastic, the way the lamp's light reflected off of it made it seem so. and I the last patrons from where I work pass me I believe, while I purposely try not to make eye contact. I just want to go home and trip, alone. On the walk home there is a building with three blue mercury lights that must have been at least 400 watts each, I can't tell you how surreal this all looked. It all looked SUPER CRYSTAL CLEAR. Oh my god, it was as if you were looking at a computer generated picture at an incredibely high resolution around the likes of 2048 x whatever else or a 500 Megapixel camera.
It was the day after Halloween and the guy working the card slider is wearing a witches outfit, and I dont know if it was the acid but the lighting seemed lower than usual. The elevator door opens to my floor and everybody is on my floors lounge playing wii in the lounge and I just go straight to my room. I could barely speak at this point. I get inside my room and turn off the lights. I can't play this off, there is strain in my voice and I can't concentrate so I try to act as if im going asleep cause everyone is awake from football game that apparently just let out. It's a dark room with only the light from underneath the door and my computer and alarm clock illuminating the place. Before long I'm seeing everything as if there is much, MUCH more light in there because my pupils are dialated and catching more light, but not only that, I'm seeing this myriad of colors as if there is a kaladiascope candle burning in my room. I marvel at this wondering how much stronger it's going to get.
I eventually turn on the lights, and I think, OK what am I going to do? I'm in stupor for a few minutes and then I do what comes naturally. I take off all my clothes. I look at myself in the mirror and appreciate how aesthetically built I look, but there was a point where I pondered myself looking warped and told myself I wouldn't go down that route. I started doing thise weird movements as if I was in a rave, or some mystical experience, kinda like that red hot chili peppers video where they're in silver and in a dessert. It feels so good, like I'm doing yoga or something, and it feels natural.
Chronologically it's been accurate up to this point. I have to use the restroom so I go outside my room and it's like 1:30 am and everybodies up! This never happens. I in another world and the guy adjacent to me passes and say 'Whats up?' with the most devilish eyes I can muster. I felt like he know and I wanted to smother any possibility of getting caught. But we pass. And I take a leak. It seems like everybody is awake and I came out of my room with only blue jeans tied around my waste. I feel so powerful and connected to the earth for some reason.
I go back to my room and get paranoid about that guy I gave the evil look too. I picture a set of events and believe the police are outside my door, like I KNEW all the events that lead up to this point clairvoyently. I also have had papaver somniforem pods in my room and maybe some xanax or something, I could get in trouble for this. I honestly contemplate everything out right there, I debate it in my mind asking myself what I want to do with my life and that all this could hinder my future. I start speaking in spanish saying 'mi futuro' and decide my future is more important than some silly drugs. It's a very profound debate asking myself what I want to do with my life and I just feel like I want to be a Zapatista, I'd be happy living in some autonomous farming region free from capatalistic exploition for someone's profit, I feel at one with this archetype of an earthy rebellious autonomous farmer warrior. My face looks warped as I grin. I have a nice smile and back in the day people used to call me 'the grinch' when I smoked pot, but I found a new philosophy here. A new profound way of life and told myself no matter what I do, I love what being a zapatista describes. I debated this for over an hour and I scribble things in my notebook which I'll post later in the story.
It's about 2:45 or 3 in the morning when I said 'I want this to end', so I grab an opium poppy pod and as I do I hear the delicate thing shake, like a baby's rattle and I picture in my heads thousands of generations of humans or their descendants shaking this death rattle proclaiming superior her queen, the china white, opium. It was evil and never felt a presence like this, it's was so much like an evil spirit I called it a demon. But I succombed and rationalized I just dont want to feel this acid anymore and chew on a pod, I let the demon inside me and say 'This isn't so bad'. and I chew about 3 when I start feeling the effects of the opium. At this point I feel like I am descending into the underworld or the jewish shoal which is a deep hole in the ground. It feels like you could be sleeping in shit and be relatively pacified with this bullshit drug, but it's helping me come down off this fucking acid. I consume more pods just wanting this trip to end and go to bed and its around three when I feel the acid less and go downstraires to bumb a cigerette off someone hopefully.
I see a friend I talk to, and im kinda quite, still unable to speak in coherence. I greet this friend with heartfealt reasurence and ask him if I could buy some ciggeretes off him, and he tells me hell just give me some. I can't speak much and he tries to tell me about this psychelic shirt he just bought for 12$ which is how much I bought the acid for and I look at him funny because that's how much each hit of acid was, I'm thinking 'He's got to know im on this shit.' and I tell him 'really cause im on acid.' and he makes a big hoopla about it trying to trip me out for about 5 seconds and tell him 'nah dude, please don't' so he backs off and we laugh. He tells me about how he tried 2c-I or some shit one time and felt the same. He tells me about how he can get a gram of shrooms for 5$ and I tell him, I just wish I could go to sleep. The first two hours were awsome, but acid lasts a long time, too long.
I smoke about 3 cigs and go back upstairs to my drug haven of opium poppies which look so fucking incriminating like some morbid bouquet of edgar allen poe. I chew on some more poppies just wishing to go to sleep and at around 5 in the morning I put on some music and I want to listen to something light, not anything like infected mushroom that sounds brilliant when you're sober (The messenger.. w00t!). I decide to put on one of my favorite videos 'God is God' by Juno Reactor which will give you nightmares sober. The video is even better on acid.
I just pretty much chill till about 7:45 and go downstaires to smoke my last cigerette. The sunrise is fucking beutiful. I stare at it thinking about if the storys of kids on acid staring at the sun and burning out their corneas are true so i look away and notice a jet that looks like a fucking space shuttle shooting to outside the atmosphere in jets of smoke. It's utterly amazing how everything looks so clear, I've never had acid like this before.
I go to the cafeteria and make some waffles and drown them in butter. I feel the opium and the acid and feel like I can finally go to bed soon. I couldn't feel the second waffle and head back to my room to try to get some sleep. I think I listened to some infected mushroom at around this time but it didn't sound as good as it does sober. I finally go to bed.
This is what I wrote on acid in my notebook:
'Este (this) thank you LSD for letting me feel a conxtion'
'Trash everything. I don't have anything except myself, e' encontre (I found)...'
'Cuero mi futuro ( I want my future). Q mal orita arriva de me (How about it is right now over me).'
'WHAT I SEE RIGHT NOW!!!!'
'Opium leafs on top of my 'Rules and Tools for Leaders''.
I see fucking msuhrooms & I dont want any of that shit - adios.
What I see is bad
what is everything i dont want it anymore
My love for drugs has gotten me here.
'I need to get some excercise' (LOL)
OK I found another notebook with other stuff wrote seemingly chronologically before this:
sever your self off from
- 'Those people'
- The I-Net
-Cut all that shit away from you.
This drug, hard to believe less than 2 hours agoo.... I WAS SCOFFING AT IT!!!
I was saying how a few molecules can make you fell... you know... how you are on drugs [I was scoffing at the potency of micrograms of LSD]
-sever your shit away from all this crap right now!
This pen & paper:
A prison, a state of mind,
or an entire fucking enviroment
man this is weird
it's just so artificial
like, man, i do have issues
at that's the real psycho (?)
What kind of warped view did I have of the military? What am I thinking when it comes to 'professionalism'
It's almost like WTF is wrong with me
Now dont throw all this out like some 'I HATE STRUCTURE' being
How do I look in other peoples eyez?
There is some dark stuff here.
It's like im living like JFK here
What makes me put my head up to the table?
I feel like Kenned, but it's a delusion based on reality.
Like that girl I helped in a whelchair...
[And this came written feeling the opium at at least 5 am]
I lost. I susseeded to the princess white who rattles the sweet.
I get off on feeling like shit.
I get off on
How in that movie I kept thinking
AN ALCOHOLIC SUCKING ON AN
INFANTS BOTTLE OF WHISKEY
So to have I banged those assuring & peacefull somas
Inside an empty cush pod.
I need to wake up and not let
This apathy win. I just want to eat right now,
but I need to be awake on the fact that my grades have not been the best this semester because of xanax & whatever!
Acid splits your mind like wide open
How can this shit be enjoyable?
regardless if anything i learned
I need to call my mother,
dont go in or troddiing aling with no purpose,
ADDICTION AND NO PLAN!! I have to take responsibility.
I feel like such an addict right now ehose been through (going)
rehab. I just want a waffle right now.
DONT YOU EVER FORGET
HOW THOSE PODS SEEMED
LIKE A DEVIL.
YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BE TAKEN AND YOU ATE.
DON'T YOU EVER FORGET LOOSING AT THEM AND FEELING THEIR DEMONISH PRESENCE. CHINA WHITE.
It's a trap.
You could feel rattling those
pods centuries past. Evolution and
countles told of their story
I only bought these opium pods one time and its not my thing though it felt OK, It does feel like a trap. Ive been through some trauma and wonder if maybe I shouldnt honestly be on xanax but i abuse that crap regardless. Opium felt like you could be laying in crap and you'd be content and that's not my thing. I just want to stop thinking about all the trauma in my life, acid kinda did the opposite of that. Was still an insightfull trip though and the truth isn't always easy to swallow.
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