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Going In and Out of Myself
by Ya
Citation:   Ya. "Going In and Out of Myself: An Experience with LSD (exp66951)". Dec 27, 2015.

T+ 0:00
2/3 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)
  T+ 1:30 1 hit oral LSD (blotter / tab)
  T+ 0:00 1/3 hit oral LSD (blotter / tab)


My first trip had been planned for two weeks. I was going to do it with two friends, one of them was an experienced tripper, and the other was doing it for the first time after 10 years. I had been thinking about acid absolutely every day for five or six months, I was fascinated and apprehensive, but needed to do it because my curiosity turned into an obsession was becoming heavy. The two weeks' wait helped me come to balance with the fear, and on Day -1, I was thrilled but calmer.

My mates met me on the train in the early afternoon of a nice day. We got off at a station by a forest... It was quite busy that day, kids and parents and dogs, but there was enough space, there were enough shady hilltops people wouldn't make the effort to climb. We sat by a trunk, and took the blotters. My friends took two and two thirds, and I only took two thirds, because I wanted to get into it gradually. Once the blotters were swallowed, we went and sat ourselves by trees dwelling on a field, chatting away. My experienced friend came up after about twenty minutes. She was actually going to remain ahead of us first-timers in terms of level. She had tracers and glowing colors, while we were getting slight giggles.

After a while we started feeling cold and decided to go for a walk. I couldn't actually tell if I had come up whilst we were in the woods, because they looked surreal no matter what...but I knew something was going on. We went to the public toilet, and our experienced tripper friend came out of there after a long time, having fallen in a completely different world. While we were waiting, us beginners were exchanging funny looks that seemed to ask: 'Is this it? Eh? Do you feel that?'. What was to be my catchphrase along the trip erupted around then:'how very foreign!'. I didn't know this feeling, and it was not overwhelming in an invasive manner. So I just embraced it. Taking one look at the sky proved that I couldn't be wrong, the sky was so beautiful that this experience I was having had to be something I'd be grateful for.

We returned into the woods, and sat ourselves on the top of a little hill. It was amazing, there were red squirrels running around, one of them came really close to us, it didn't touch the nuts we gave if it just wanted to say Hi. Everything looked beautiful. We took the stuff we'd brought out of our bags. I had candy, chocolate bars, some crisps, pens and paper, an MP3 player, and orange juice (which I regretted bringing when our experienced friend said it was likely to take the edge off the trip - well, I drank some anyway and was fine). Around that time (probably an hour and a half after we'd arrived), I took a whole tab, and started drawing. That was really nice, I kept all the things we've done that day and watching and reading them again makes me very serene.

Some time after, my two friends (who had been plotting!!) threw a little plush squirrel at me. I was so taken aback that it sent me on the next level. How very foreign, and how uncanny was that little fake among the real ones that were coming to greet us. I drew the 'Mushroom house on a Hill', and wrote sentences like 'embrace otherness'...I was probably encouraging myself, although I had no feelings of fear whatsoever. I think I also kept myself from going into inconsiderate euphoria...because, you know...the higher you fly, the harder you fall. I started having mild synesthesia, I could hear colours. I was made the 'Master of Time', supposed to remind my friends of the time it was because we had to call another of our mates who was going to join us.

When he arrived, he was an amazing entertainer. He took all sorts of toys out of his bag, and he was just so trip-friendly. (he didn't take anything with us but we all knew he's very experienced) Apparently, the other first-timer was having a tough time there. We had to move on, change the setting. I was happy with whatever we decided, there was novelty and amazement everywhere I looked.

We walked back to the train station, among all the normal people... I found it quite funny, we tried to keep our mouths shut or just say things as mundane as we could. It actually made us laugh, the bollocks we came up with. On the train, I was once again fascinated by the was a beautiful day, I didn't make it up. The sky was a light, bright blue, and the white clouds formed gradients of light...I'll never forget the sky that day.

Anyway, we walked back to our experienced friend's flat - where the most fun was to be had, I think. The other first-timer started feeling better, and I dropped the other third of a tab I had left. I had another two thirds, but didn't take it, perhaps knowing what was to happen next. We put some music on and started playing trippy games - like, growing our fingers, juggling with the air or throwing an invisible boomerang that I didn't need to 'see'. I haven't hallucinated the slightest. My vision had gone different for sure, but I never saw anything that wasn't there. I saw everything in patterns, gradients, basically, it was made obvious that everything is composed of other things, that there is no unity, or, that unity is plurality.

My sense of touch was the most disturbing though, and made moving around a bit tough at first, as I could feel before I touched, while I touched, and after I touched, somehow, simultaneously... It made eating quite a fearful experience, because I was really afraid I'd badly bite my tongue, or bite my piercing and break my teeth. The taste of things though, once I got used to the temporal anomaly, was incredible. (I recommend cheese and crackers!) (and ummm, also, don't let anyone mention 'cheese mites' while you're eating cheese on acid...)

I found myself sitting in positions that made me feel balanced, and put me in the right state of 'reception'...I considered myself some kind of antenna for the energy of the world. I realised the importance of the notions of 'balance' and 'focus'.

Our non-tripping mate left after a while, and I gave a call to my boyfriend. He knew what I was supposed to be doing that day, but he thought I was 'sober' on the phone. That encouraged him to come round, and when he did, it occurred to me that I had two thirds left. He took the acid too, and it was great to have him joining in. (although he was sick with his brutal come up). Around then it must have been 8pm (we'd arrived in the woods around 1.30pm). We played games, drew stuff, listened to music. It was really a pleasant evening. I found 'my' sound of peace and the movement that went with it, the sound being something like 'wonw', a powerful vibration, and the movement, the swimming a squid.

I was playing with the mirror between my hands, there was no mirror, but I felt like there was one splitting my body in half, and to remain in peace I had to maintain the symmetry between each 'side'. I got a little scared thinking about what was between two mirrors facing each other. I really didn't want to know that. I think that's what triggered my downhill mental exhaustion. I started saying I was insane, and felt like I was. I acknowledged I was fine, but questioning everything like I did made my brains boil.

I also felt that I was alive, I felt what made me alive, and freaked out a bit when it occurred to me that if I wanted to die, I could easily just stop living. Fortunately, I said so, and the other first-timer who was almost down by then reassured me by asking if I wanted to die. I said no! and he said, there you go, that's why you won't. That taught me a valuable lesson that was to last. No more suicidal thoughts.

It was getting quite late, and everyone was more or less down already. I really wasn't, I was 'insanely tripping balls', as I couldn't help telling myself. That's why, if I were to change anything, I wouldn't have taken the tabs so long apart. The exhaustion was really hard to cope with. My two friends went to bed and I stayed in the living room with my boyfriend who reassured me, said I would come down and find sleep eventually. When he fell asleep, as the sun started rising, I finally stopped worrying and just went with it. I fell asleep around ten in the morning...

That is it for the trip itself, but I think its consequences are probably the most important. The next day, I was still very tired and confused. My ego was crippled. I was feeling down as well when I heard everyone cheerfully talking about their trip, when I just couldn't have any perspective on it yet. I was to have bad surprises when we came back home, discovering various exam deadlines that made me panic. I couldn't get my thoughts together and work for university...

So, I was on a bad slope. I'm incapable, I've lost my skills, I'm a loser. And the next day, hardly rested, I was bitter and angry and miserable, I'm a monkey, I'm an animal, I should never have taken acid. That's the only thing I'm gonna have to watch for my next trip, acceptance. Being a fighter by nature, I have a hard time accepting a condition induced by something external.

The actual problem was that I needed more (much more...) sleep. After the second day, I still felt strange but I was at least being logical, thinking that whatever changes had occurred in me, I'd get used to them and assimilate them as myself. Because we do change and evolve constantly anyway.

I would do acid again, when I have a reason and a good occasion to. Ever since this first time, I have had perfect days and enjoyed my life much more. This trip was very controllable, and that feeling of control remained in me. The power of suggestion and intention was made more obvious as well. I am happier, and I try to make people happy.

I think everyone can use a little bit of distance and perspective on their usual ways. But it has to be done with care, and a genuine desire to learn.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 66951
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Dec 27, 2015Views: 2,225
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LSD (2) : Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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