Citation: Rodonius. "Slow Path to Addiction: An Experience with Cocaine (exp66950)". Erowid.org. Apr 5, 2018. erowid.org/exp/66950
||(powder / crystals)
I think I might be a coke addict. I don't say I am for sure because I am not really obsessed with it (thinking about it constantly, stealing for it etc.) and I am not a daily user. I think I might be an addict because it seem that I just don't stop using it. Let me give an example of my usage pattern.
I'll purchase a gram and snort it over a period of about 3 hours (sometimes I'm in the mood for the, intense but short lived style, in which case I'll snort a gram in about an hour) I'll feel like crap for twice the amount of time. I enjoy the buzz and then I'll try to sleep with or without the help of other substances (weed, alcohol, codeine when I can get some)I may do this three or four days in a row (usually I will get 2 grams the first day and then only half a gram for the subsequent days, due to lack of funds) then I wont use for maybe three days, then I'll binge for about 2 or 3 days. After this I may not use for 3 or 4 days. Sometimes I'll take speed instead, speed puts me on a down for almost a week and I don't use coke during that time. Anyways judging from this pattern I'd say I' at least mildly addicted.
The problem is that I can put off using for quite awhile if I must and then I occupy myself with more 'real' things, but the thought of never doing coke again bugs me to the point where I have a harder time putting off usage when the decision to stop completely is in my mind. I don't constantly obsess, I don't steal for it, I don't neglect my family, work or school for it, I don't use it every day and I don't even particularly like it (except when craving strikes)but despite all this I have made an appointment at an outpatient treatment center because I can see myself having big problems with this stuff in my future.
One last point about my cocaine problem. I have been using for almost four years, it has never gotten really bad, but I notice it getting worse ever so slowly, so slowly that I hardly even noticed it getting worse. I had many fears those first few times. I wondered when I would become an addict. But after awhile I realized it doesnt work that way (One doesn't magically become addicted with any one experiece) this made me feel like, 'hmm, ok, so The media exaggerates grossly, I can keep using at a safe level without becoming an addict' this is the worst thing a person can think because what happens is you get used to using it slowly, the using increases slowly and one day you realize you need it and that all those years you thought you were fine you were actually going through the process of slow addiction. 'put a frog in boiling water he'll jump out, put him in cold water and boil it slowly he'll cook. Coke isn't weed, or alcohol, or even acid. It doesnt feel intense and so people think it isn't such a hard drug but it is a hard drug because of how addictive it is. Using it doesnt mean that within a month one will become a desperate junkie who steals and prostitutes himself for more. But using it can make life a lot harder to bear.
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