Citation: Echoes. "All That I Think About: An Experience with Opiates (Heroin, Oxycodone, Fentanyl & Others) (exp66892)". Erowid.org. Jan 5, 2010. erowid.org/exp/66892
Here is my Drug Experience Background:
Aside from smoking weed daily for years and my addiction to cigarettes, Iíve had a lot of experience with Alcohol (but I never drink anymore), LSD, Mushrooms, Cocaine, Benzos (Xanx, Valium, and Lorazepam), Dissociatives (DXM, Nitrous, Ketamine), Salvia, and Opiates. Iíve also tried LSA, Ecstasy (E pill and molly), amphetamines, and Iíve even taken ambien recreationally few times.
I defiantly had an experimentation phase in my life, but my drug use has changed. I stick with that I truly enjoy and what truly teaches me. I love LSD, Mushrooms and pot. Thatís not to say that I wonít continue with my occasional dissociative use like dextromethorphan, K, and nitrous, but only on rare occasions. It is just so foreign and alien and bizarrely awesome that I doubt I will ever truly give it up. But for the most part, Iím past all of those drugs I experimented with in high school.
But I have a secret. Donít we all? Itís not so much that I have slowed my drug intake down, rather I have simply refined my list of interests. And number one on my personal favorites list is opiates. To put it simply enough, Iíve found my crutch. I donít understand how tweakers and cokeheads exist when there are opiates available. The feeling I receive from a strong dose is supremely pleasant and divine and simply cannot compare to any other drug Iíve tried. Not to mention the fact that there is no horrible come down, I simply return from bliss back to baseline (at least I did before I became physically addicted).
Iíve experienced opiates in all various forms. I have smoked opium but I find it is simply too weak to be worth the cost. Iíve had Codine in all forms from codeine in cough syrup and codeine extracted from T3ís. I had Vicodin but Iíll never pay for it, I either get it for free or in scripts. I used to get my hands on Percocets but nowadays If I am going to spend cash, then Iím going with what is the most bang for my buck, and this usually leads me into scoring Heroin, Morphine, Methadone, Fentanly patches, or my personal favorite, OC/ ABG oxycodone 80ís.
This is my story. Iím not the most fiendish, desperate druggie out there. I wonít claim to have ever hit rock bottom. All in all I have most of my shit together. I go to college, I do well. I stay out of trouble. Addiction hasnít twisted my personality in any severely negative sense, but thatís not to say that I donít know people who have really changed and fucked up their life as a result of this extremely addictive class of drugs.
I abuse opiates on a daily basis. There is no specific opiate that I take, it simply varies from week to week. Iíll take what ever I can get my hands on. Usually it is Oxycodone, Heroin (Black Tar), or Morphine pills (usually in the form of ABGís or Kadian 100ís). Iíve had a love affair with opiates since senior year in high school when I began to get my hands on O.C. 40ís. I quickly discovered how easy it was to fund my habit. I was getting a good price at 10 bucks a 40 and was able to sell some of what I bought for double, granting me a free habit. Opiates have been my love affair since this time. It became a habit and a lifestyle, soon I discovered that I had surrounded myself with dopeheads like myself, perpetuating my addiction.
Once it all began back in high school I knew I had found something different. It was during a period in my life that I was down for just about any drug around. I wanted to experience it all. But back then I swallowed the pills. I had no idea of the heights I would attain upon my rediscovery during summer after high school. I remember back in those days when 20 mgís snorted would put me out for the night. Thatís certainly not the case anymore. It takes more and more and I still can never attain those memorable highs which are so vividly engrained in my memory. I can easily blow through an 80 and still not feel as fucked up as I used to off 20.
Iíve basically been gathering drug friends and hooks ever since I began using. My tale of addiction begins like most. Slowly yet surely the drug took over more and more of my life. I found myself phasing out sober friends (or having them phase me out) and in replace I became tight (or at least thought as much) with users like myself. As a result, more and more connections opened up. Drugs simply became a way of life.
Freshman year in college was basically divided into three stages of drug use. Alcohol was first, I was getting smashed drunk for weeks, just meeting everyone and doing the whole party scene. But that stopped after first quarter when I was introduced to BT (Black Tar Heroin).
My friend, attempting to buy opium, instead bought H unknowingly. However, later on he discovered what he had. He and I and a few of our friends willingly hit it up. One of our friends happened to be quite experienced with the whole method of smoking off tinfoil or better known as ďchasing the dragonĒ. Let us call him X. After that night, X decided to continue his use and became a reliable source. I fell in and out of week long binges with my good pal H, but the negative consequences of constipation kept me wary of my use. Then the source dried up, X was heading home for rehab. He was a smart guy, a good guy, but man did he change. In the end I realized how hard he had been screwing me. Overcharging me on top of selling me skimped sacks. Regardless though, I hold no hard feelings, It is simply incredible to witness addiction twist a capable, compassionate, intelligent guy into the sketchiest lying sack of shit around. I can forgive him, but Iíll never forget. Why do I forgive? I empathize with him. Addiction hits hard for some people.
After H became non available I stumbled onto a ridiculously killer coke connect. I normally would never have abused coke so readily if it wasnít for the fact that I was basically having it thrown in front of my fucking face all damn day every damn day.
Side Note: Regardless of my regular use of coke, I am most certainly not a fan of uppers. I donít understand why people love this kind of shit, but regardless of why people choose this garbage, I accept it for what it is. We all have our own favorite poison, Regardless of the form, it is all the same shit.
But regardless of the loss of the BT, and constant weeks of dancing with the white lady, I was still using O.C. fairly regularly. I was paying around 30 dollars for an O.C. 80. At one point I was also able to get liquid oc Powerful stuff. The only time I have ever thrown up from oxy was when I combined snorting oc pills with liquid oc. I normally hate throwing up, but when Iím loaded it doesnít matter in the least. The times were fucking glorious. Luckily for me, I was too broke a lot of the time to fund my habit enough to allow it to grow into addiction, and at that particular moment I wasnít interested in dealing, and Iím simply not the person who would ever resort to stealing to get my high. So I went without, but I never forgot.
Summer after freshman year comes around and Iím either back with my old friends whom I basically discovered drugs with or with my new college friends, either way Iím doing as many opiates as I can get my hands on. My friends back home were still doing the same old shit. And guess what, for once there is a solid oc hook around. So I spent my summer alternating between work and binges with my old and new friends. Disturbingly enough, during those few summer nights when I was sober enough to actually remember my dreams, all of them were plagued with thoughts of and intense desires for opiates.
One of my last nights there back home before heading back to college, my friends got a hold of a G of some good Black. It had been so long since I had smoked BT. X was my only connect, and with his absence I simply accepted the loss of my connection as fate and never looked back. I was always more interested in the pain pills anyways. That night I gave my buddies a quick tutorial on prepping the foil (burning the chemicals off of shiny side and then using the duller side up when smoking the piece of H) and how to maximize smoke inhalation. The night ended out well, the black was high quality shit, but 70 bucks, the shit was expensive as fuck. In college during freshman year I was used to paying 65 dollar Gís. I now know how badly I was getting ripped off. Now I know the price should vary around $40 for a G. After that brief night with BT, I truly believed that H would remain a rarity in my life. Oh how wrong I was.
As the summer ended and school began I knew this year could be troublesome. I had surrounded myself with dope fiends like myself for housemates. When I moved in one of my house mate was withdrawing from methadone. He was in awful shape, but his condition did nothing in terms of me rethinking my own path. In terms of my living situation, there is no doubt that my housemates and I negatively assist in each others addiction. If one of us is doing opiates then it is almost guaranteed that we all are in on it. Soon after moving into my new place I met some of my neighbors. One of whom just happens to be slinging and has a lot of connects for all sorts of shit. What you might ask? Just about anything I could ever want. He couldnít score oxy for a price Iíd pay, but the H he can get is good and decently priced. So now I have a steady source for H, all I have to do is walk outside my house. Fate is a bitch.
Now Iím scoring H with my broís all the time. I mean all the fucking time. This lifestyle becomes expensive. I will not go into the specifics but I have been dabbling in the drug game. This has afforded me the luxury to continuous opiate use. I switched my opiates up pretty regularly in a rather weak attempt to prevent physical and psychological addiction. As it would just so have it, during this same time I also obtained some ketamine in a vial. I could not pass up an opportunity to get K, especially since I was quite a heavy user of dex back in the day. I was administering the K intramuscularly so I had a bunch of IM and, for the hell of it, a few IV needles around as well, but I never shot dope. I canít deny that I was not tempted. But in the end I simply do not know what this shit has been cut with. Iíve diluted the tar into water and snorted it. Injecting this dirty substance straight into my veins is something that Iíll have to pass on... at least for the moment. Iím lucky though, I do not doubt that if I ever had a friend (or worse, one of my current housemates) around who was shooting that I would quickly fall into the habit myself.
This same time that the K and H were around I also stumbled into another coke hook which has afforded me more binges at virtually zero cost to myself. With H and Coke around at the same time, I began to get into speedballing. It is truly an amazing combination. The feeling I receive from the perfect ratio of H and Coke is a divine, a taste of heaven. I cannot explain the feeling in words, but it is a high I will continue to seek regardless of my hatred for uppers.
Wait. Hold on for a second. Whatís this new opiate that our new hook can get? Fentanyl patches! Whoa shit, Iíve always wanted to try one of those. I sucked on 60 percent of a 10mg patch (after having already used the patch on my skin the day before) and I got so fucking loaded I became quite ill. My body handles opiates considerably well. This almost never happens to me on any opiates other than H and foil. Regardless of the unpleasant nausea, I was in opiated heaven. Fentanly is defiantly different than H and Oxy, less euphoric, but none the less amazing.
And now this brings me to the present. My housemates and I are suffering. We had sworn sobriety for two weeks, I made it all of 7 days. My withdrawal symptoms were pretty mild, but withdrawals still fucking suck. Constant runny nose, muscle pains, depression. One of my housemates has it a lot worse. It is no joke my friends. There is an equal low for the great high that opiates provide. Itís horrible to see him in this pain. Iím lucky, Iíve been pretty good about switching up my opiates as to not become too physically addicted to one. Regardless of the fact that my withdrawals are minor, this doesnít mean Iím not psychologically addicted as hell. My decision to quit coincided with this strong desire within myself to stop smoking H off of foil. So when I scored a G of Black after 7 days clean I snorted it ,). It was glorious. I doubt I will ever go back to ďchasing the dragonĒ. Diluting the tar in water and snorting it feels much cleaner.
I still dream of when I get more O.C's. At this time it has been over three weeks since my last oxy high. For me that is a long time! But regardless of the opiate, so long as it is strong, I'll love the high. I now understand why people have a difficult time going back to sobriety. Why would one pass up instant satisfaction, instant blissful apathy? Complete and utter satisfaction with life is just a hit away. In all honest, it is one of the best feeling in the world. It is oh so easy to get caught up in this lifestyle. I thought it was all quite attractive from the outside. I used to say to my friends that ďI could use a good year long binge with opiatesĒ, addiction wasnít a concern to me. I was like most people, unable to comprehend addiction and its severity.
I used to think all this shit, this lifestyle of drugs, was so attractive. I used to think snorting lines was so bad ass, but it is all so old now. My lifestyle is anything but attractive. My nasal passages are torn to hell and I often experience moments of intense pain deep inside. Since I stopped opiates and coke my nose has been constantly running, every time I wipe or blow my nose I see blood. As a result of all the drugs I do I barely keep my body going. On average I eat 1 meal a day. Often when Iím binging, especially when Iím on the yaddada, Iíll go a day or two without even realizing that I havenít consumed any water or nutrition and then it all hits me as I begin to come down. I feel like such shit. I always regret my binges of coke when Iím crashing hard (of course, who the fuck doesnít).
But regardless of whether or not I truly enjoy coke, Iím just a drug addict who will do whatever is around at the moment and coke unfortunately is. In all honesty I want this shit away from. Itís not like I would ever actually go out and spend mad money on this bullshit. I was doing too much coke lately, but Iím now totally over it and I cannot see myself ever using again except for extremely rare instances. For once in my life I truly feel past a drug, now if I can only shake my love for the speedball.
I have come to the complete and infallible conclusion that the coke high is never worth the comedown. Most coke beginners will probably not understand what Iím talking about, but when I do this shit enough, the come down becomes increasingly more and more unbearable. My entire night is ruined once Iím coming down from coke and am without means to attain more. On a side note, opiates are fucking GREAT for the comedown. Now when I have both at my disposal Iíll speedball but save enough H for the comedown to ease myself to sleep.
I feel like a god when Iím high on oxy and smack. But as a result of my binging, Iím emotionally drained. I canít feel pleasure without opiates. I was hoping that this break would at least allow my brain to replenish and regulate my levels of what ever it is (dopamine, serotonin, w/e) that opiates cause your brain to release. After a week with no opiates I was defiantly on the path back towards normality. In regards to Opiates, I hope never to return to constant use, but I cannot guarantee that I wonít fall back into my current lifestyle. Since I ended my break I have done H everyday. It is quite an uphill struggle.
The crucial and decisive battle in my personal war over whether or not drugs control my life is upon me. Iíve already lost over two years of my life to constant drug use. It will never be any easier than now. If I canít seriously reduce my use than there is probably no hope in the future aside from completely opening up to my parents and going through rehab or getting busted and going to jail or drug court.
Iím already attempting to convince myself there is a good reason why I should go score again today. You are probably unable to conceptualize how significant a week off opiates could truly be for a dope head like me, but Opiates have been apart of my daily life for so long, I've forgotten how to live without. Opiates are all that I can think about. I have forgotten what such a life is like. It is oh so hard to rediscover how to live life without. It is much easier to never forget.
Quick, random Notes about Oxycotine and Heroin for those interested and unfamiliarÖ
Oxy is my love. My first choice. It ranks well above heroin, but that is not to say that I donít love smack. O.C. simply feels cleaner, more pure. Heroin is dirty and has been adulterated. I began smoking H, or ďchasing the dragonĒ, which is such a disgusting habit. Please, buy a fucking meth pipe. Smoking of foil is disgusting and gross, no matter how much ďpreppingĒ one does, Iím still able to detect that foul foil taste when Iím not careful with how close the flame is to the foil. I used to get violently nauseous after binges of ďchasing the dragonĒ. I contribute this unfortunate side affect mostly on this method of inhalation, smoking off tinfoil. This is another classic example of why I love O.C. Its so clean, the powder so pure. You know exactly what you are getting, there is not doubt about the quality or strength. I have friends who smoke oxy (off of tinfoil) but I honestly think snorting or swallowing + snorting to be the best (in terms of the relationship between the high and damage/addiction potential) method.
Oxycodone is my drug of choice. I love it more than pot and acid. But donít be fooled. Not all oxy is the same. Generic brands have more filler, many are manufactured to gel together to stop people from slamming, but it also makes snorting a pain in the ass. Iíll taste the drip for hours after snorting those generics, so I donít even bother. Iíll never get nearly as high of a generic than off a brand name Oxycotine or ABG if I snort it. It is defiantly worth paying a little extra if the real shit is around. If I only have generics, I swallow them whole and then maybe snort a minute amount to take me over the top.
I pay anywhere from 10-15 dollars for a 40 and absolutely no more than 35 (25-30 being the usual price) for an 80 of oxy. I used to bitch about these prices, but OC/ABGS are becoming increasingly more difficult to find as doctors are phasing them out for shittier generics. I hear that some morons pay 50 or more for an 80. Jesus Christ. Iím an addict but there is no way Iím paying those prices.
Heroin: After a bit of experimentation on different route of administration, Iíve decided that diluting heroin into water (heating a spoon filled with water and a chunk of H), then sucking the solution (with a needle) through a cotton ball to remove impurities and then snorting the water to be the best route. Snorting this water combined with a few rips out of an oil burner (meth pipe) works wonders for me. No gross chemical inhalation from freebasing off of tinfoil. Smoking H off tinfoil is inherently wasteful. My preferred method of use conserves my stash.
Iíve seen heroin ranges in price anywhere between 35-70 for a gram depending on where, from whom, and the quality. Here on the West coast all we get is Black Tar. If you donít know if what you scored is truly Black, smell it or smoke a little. Taste any vinegar? You should. While it usually is an obsidian, tar-ish, gooey like substance, Iíve also seen dry, brittle brown tar. The more traditional, malleable, sicky tar is not guaranteed to be more potent.
Iíve seen morphine 100ís go anywhere from 5-15. Iíve seen it higher but if youíre paying anything more then youíre getting ripped off.
Thatís about it. Take care all.
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