Citation: LucidStudies. "Laughter, Tears, Rebirth: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp66763)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/66763
I had four magical components in front of me. I hoped these things would be the building blocks for a perfect psychedelic day:
1. A full eight hours to myself.
2. A half dozen hand-filled capsules of Psilocetin at assorted dosages, from ten to twenty-five milligrams a piece.
3. A brand new and extremely effective scale by Acculab, complete with calibration weights.
4. A head full of high expectations for the chemical in question.
Although previously experienced with various hallucinogens, I had never taken 4-AcO-DMT before this day. When testing out unusual or under-researched psychedelics, my tendency is to err on the side of caution and start with low dosages. This has always been my routine with things like 2C-E or DiPT, which produce idiosyncratic and sometimes very powerful reactions. However, the 4-substituted dimethyltryptamines hold a special place in my heart. A relatively high starting dosage of psilocybin cubensis mushrooms had served me very well for a first experience. I trust this class of chemicals in high dose territory as well as low, to expand my mind rather than muddling or destroying it. As soon as I feel their effects, I feel at home, centered. I have never yet been led astray. That said, I would not recommend this sort of a dosage as a starting point for anybody else.
This experiment was conducted at home, alone, indoors. There were many pieces of music, video, and entertainment picked out to provide a setting. They all became irrelevant, due to the nature of the experience. I did not feel comfortable leaving the house or being around unknown people for most of the duration.
-Dosing and Initial Effects-
Around 2:00PM, I selected a pill, measured it as a 14 milligram dose, and swallowed it with a cup of water. It set in insidiously slowly. I felt energy releasing into my stomach within fifteen minutes, but there was no more than a slow crawl through my system for close to an hour.
By T+1h I was experiencing mild time dilation, along with some emotional and intellectual stimulation. There was no movement anywhere in the visual field, although there was slight intensification of color and shadow. The overall effect at this point was extremely subtle.
At T+1.5h fuller effects were in play. My thoughts were wandering and deepening. Ideas started popping into my head that were just slightly more bizarre than the things I usually would think. There was a warping and enhancement of textures, slowly becoming more and more noticeable. Objects with striking textures would deepen, crawl, and change. The remarkable thing was, this effect was mostly controllable. I could choose which objects to focus on, and their textures would move and reform. Objects in the periphery of my focus point stood still. Every once in a while a distortion would occur somewhere unexpected, but mostly they reacted to my thoughts and intentions. The hallucinogenic effects were all around me, but I had to look hard to find some of them.
Just slightly past T+1.5h, I selected a second pill. I didnít just want to lengthen the duration of these effects. I wanted to deepen them to a conclusion. I measured out another capsule. I compared the weight of the filled capsule with the weight of an empty capsule, which I had carefully determined earlier. This was an 18 milligram dose, making the total dosage 32. I swallowed it down.
I should note something here. In follow-up sessions with psilocetin, I have taken single doses rather than spacing two doses apart. The second session was at 20 milligrams, and the substance took a full 2 hours to reach a peak. Therefore, it was false to assume that I could judge the full effects of the first dose 1.5 hours after taking it. I suspect the first dose was still building when the second pill was swallowed.
T+2.5h: A check in the mirror confirmed that my pupils now filled practically my whole eyes. In spite of this, I fell in love with myself completely when I looked in the mirror. I was a space alien visiting on a peaceful mission. A cartoon character made of edible candy. Every conception I had of myself was downright strange, and yet I could not summon up a hateful thought towards myself or anything else.
T+3.5h: I sat down in a chair. The need to rest and think things out became overwhelming. New perspectives then began to emerge from deep within my mind. My normal internal monologue became changed, interrupted by new voices. I began thinking in multiple simultaneous trains of thought. I soon found that I could not focus my attention on more than one piece of information at a time. Every single thought or observation just cascaded across multiple perspectives. My thoughts became juxtaposed by all possible points of view at once.
T+4h: I felt a power much stronger than myself seizing me and coursing through me. It accented the lines of my mouth, forcing my face into a grin. A smile turned into a laugh that echoed a thousand times as time slowed to a crawl. I asked myself, 'Why am I laughing?' 'Why can't I stop?' 'What in the world is worth laughing about?'
Suddenly all the good things in my life were there, made tangible by my mind. I am laughing because I can go outside any time I want and look up at a sky that is ever-changing and ever-beautiful. I am laughing because I'm young and have my whole life in front of me. I'm laughing for my wonderful girlfriend and the gift of a family that cares about me. I am laughing for the complete inalterable virgin beauty of this very moment, and for the dream that it could last for an eternity. I am laughing for laughter itself, and everyone else who has ever laughed is laughing along with me!
And then I was crying! And again, although the emotion came forth spontaneously, my mind followed it by asking a thousand times: 'What is worth crying for?' And again a thousand answers came forth. I am crying because my life is sad. I am crying because I'm a social person with few real friends, almost no people who I can really, truly trust. I am crying because a few years ago I was a leader, and now I am at the mercy of a harsher social environment, struggling to prove myself again. Ultimately I cried for the fact that nothing I had done so far with my life had been unforgettable. What had I ever done to change the world in a real way, for the better? What can I do? I have years ahead of me, thousands of options.
These waves of all-encompassing emotion came and went three times. Three times I laughed uncontrollably, for three separate and very personal sets of reasons. And three times I cried. I hadn't cried in weeks or months prior to this experience and felt that it was necessary and natural. Every time it forced me to examine my insecurities one step deeper. Between these three waves of alternating laughter and tears, I felt that my mind had been split apart and re-assembled. I was born anew, a new person in a fresh new world.
During this period the visual effects became irrelevant and unnoticeable. I was left with the notion that psychedelics are not about visual alterations. The intellectual and emotional outbursts that happened, the new perspectives that emerged, these were the true essence of the psychedelic.
By T+5 hours, the overwhelming emotions had ceased and I was back in control. I found myself in a stable, pleasurable, somewhat sedated state. The selective visual effect continued. I was a bit sweaty and exhausted, but I felt complete. This comfortable, middle-ground state was mine to enjoy for two to three hours. The hallucinogenic effects were gone by T+8h, and my pupils remained dilated for a couple of hours afterwards.
Leaving behind a perfect psychedelic experience is not necessarily easy. I found myself stricken by the realization that after this experience ended, the things I did thereafter would forever be a reflection of the psychedelic. I wanted to believe that this experience was the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to me. But there was a sinking feeling. One side of me thought: This drug could provide brilliance, stability, understanding, all the things people need! Another side thought: How can I prove this drug increases brilliance unless I become more brilliant myself, and demonstrate the change to the world? How can it provide stability if I do something unstable in a month?
My perfect moments of beauty were behind me now. Work was ahead. It's easy to think up plans for self-improvement during a drug-induced visionary state. It's a lot harder to actually work towards implementing those plans. If I allow my life in twenty years to be boring and forgettable, than that would be proof that these substances cannot help human beings. I could not allow myself to commit a crime like that against Psilocetin! This drug made apathy and mediocre behavior seem like intolerable options for my life, and that was it's most frightening effect. It granted a seriousness to the come-down: The feeling of having experienced something so great, I would have to work to defend it. But like all things, even these profound motivational effects can fade over time. The resurrected passion for life levels back out slowly.
I would describe this compound as a slightly less visual and more purely mental psychedelic when compared to psilocybin mushrooms. Forgive me that mushrooms are my only reference point, since I have not yet experienced pure psilocin or psilocybin. I once used the world 'slow' in reference to psilocybin mushrooms. This was a mistake. Mushrooms are not slow, 4-AcO-DMT is slow. It set in so slowly that I doubted its effectiveness before it carried me completely away. And it left me so slowly that there was no distinct ending point to the experience.
You know the old cliche that if you say too much about a good thing it might diminish it's importance? I've said far too much about Psilocetin already.
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