Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Cannabis
Citation: dankster101. "Confusing Myself to Sanity: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Cannabis (exp66620)". Erowid.org. Dec 24, 2015. erowid.org/exp/66620
My first trip was a profound experience. It taught me the effects that mushrooms can have on a human brain. It’s been over one month and I still have trouble explaining what went on in my mind that night. I believe in writing this I will be able to express my inward “journey.”
I had always been curious about the effects that hallucinogens would have on me. Throughout the summer I researched and studied hallucinogens such as LSD, Mescaline, and Psilocybin. I had experimented with Marijuana and Alcohol but the stories I heard about hallucinogens made me curious. I wanted to have an unforgettable experience. I had been offered mushrooms earlier that summer but I could feel hesitation in my mind so I decided it was not the right time for me. The summer flew by and another school year was about to open its arms and consume me. It was the night before the first day of class, and I had decided I was ready to take a “journey” of my own. That week a close friend of mine, S, was able to score some good mushrooms from a close friend at her college. She had already previously tripped and said she was looking forward to doing so with me one more time. In two weeks I would go visit her, away from the parents, and we would trip.
I left school on a Friday with my friend, M, and I was excited beyond belief. On the drive to the campus I couldn’t stop smiling and I had my favorite butterfly feeling in my stomach. I was ready beyond any doubt and was excited for the experience to come. We arrived safely to S’s house on campus around 9:00 P.M. The first thing I wanted to do was look at these beautiful fungi. I weighed out the batch I wanted to eat. It weighed 2.2 grams, which I thought was a good size dose for a first timer. After sealing them up and putting them away we decided to celebrate the oncoming weekend. The trip was scheduled for Saturday night so we brought out some alcohol to get the mood started. After a night of mild drinking we decided to get some good rest for the next day. I drifted off to sleep around 2:00 A.M.
The next morning I woke up around 11:00 A.M., and felt completely rested. We had decided to keep the day pretty low key so we could build anticipation for the trip. I decided not to eat much that day so the mushroom’s effects would set in quicker. After a trip to a guitar shop, my friends and I decided it was time to head back and get ready. It was 6:00 P.M., and we wanted to eat them around 7:00 P.M. I decided to shower and put on some comfortable clothing to enhance my mindset. We had decided to have our friend C over that night to make sure we were being safe while experimenting with the mushrooms. My batch was on the table and I was ready. I told M that I was looking forward to hopefully having an inward journey. I noticed that S didn’t seem as excited or happy as we were. She had a bad experience with some Mescaline that summer so she was hesitant about trying another hallucinogen. She decided it was not the right time for her to trip so we saved her batch. This in turn made me hesitant because I was looking forward to experiencing this with her. I knew that there was no turning back so I decided to dig in. I had heard that mushrooms had a foul texture and taste but I enjoyed it. The stems were very chewy and it was kind of enjoyable. After I had the full batch down I became very anxious. For the first 15 minutes I thought I had started to trip but realized it was just my adrenaline I was feeling. We went outside for a bit and then came back in and sat down.
(T+30 minutes). The effects are starting to kick in now. The colors on the TV seemed brighter. Red was especially bright and started to reflect out of the TV. I also noticed that the walls were breathing with me. It gave me a strange but generally good connection with the room around me. As the air filled my lungs the room would enlarge and as I exhaled it would return to normal size. I was excited about this feeling. The visuals were things I’d never seen before and put me at ease knowing this was what I would be seeing for 6 hours or so. Our plan was to walk to this spot on campus that wasn’t very busy at night and from there we could see the city skyline. I was amazed with simple colors already and the thought of more visuals made me excited. We decided to wait a while and let the effects set in for another hour. The next thing I noticed was that people’s faces would bubble somewhat when I first glanced at them. I was too concerned with visuals to care about thoughts at this time. I had said I wanted an inward journey and that started as I sat in S’s living room.
(T+1:00) I suddenly didn’t care about what I was seeing. I was dwelling too much on the thoughts racing through my head. The answers to every question I had suddenly were right in front of me but I could not grasp them. My mind raced with deep contemplation. Everything was moving so fast in my head that I soon felt left behind. I wanted to speak to my friends around me but couldn’t make sense of meaningful words to say. I stared at the clock and couldn’t understand what the numbers meant. It was like the clock was reading some foreign language I had never seen before. This might have normally set me off with fear but at the moment I just decided to roll with it and see where it takes me.
(T+1:30) We decided to start walking to our destination. Many things about my trip were lost in my thoughts but the words I spoke to M are branded into my memory forever. He asked me how I was feeling and I replied, “I don’t know, everything is moving so fast, these aren’t something to play around with.” With that we started walking. The walk didn’t frighten me at first. I enjoyed the look of the trees lined down the streets and the patterns on the sidewalk was spelling words out to me although I couldn’t understand what they meant. All seemed well until I noticed someone approaching our friend C. Even though it was one of his friends it put me on edge because I suddenly was paranoid and didn’t want anyone else to know I was in this state of mind. We turned and went down the next street and things started to get weird. There were loud parties with people shouting and there were bonfires in some of the yards. I thought to myself “Where am I? Is this the Ghetto? Are we so fucked up that we got lost and wound up here?” With those thoughts in mind I started to panic. I frequently asked my sister where we were and I couldn’t get my sense of direction. This made me go over the edge with anxiety. I told my friends “We need to get the fuck out of here!” This sent M on a panic trip as well. Our friends decided we should head back because S knew what we were going through. I crossed the street…..not a good idea by the way. The cars seemed to come at me from a side angle and this made me believe I was too messed up to be in a public setting. I might just get myself killed.
T+(2:30) We arrived back at the house and that’s when a heavy wave of confusion set in. I had forgotten what drug I had taken, I had forgotten who my family was, where I was. It was all such a blur in my mind. I remember thinking that I was some hard drug user that had taken to high a dose and had gone completely insane. The way people were looking at me made me feel like I was dying. I was sweating and decided it was time to lie down. I went to the bathroom before doing so and looked in the mirror. Nothing on my face was amazing except my eyes. My eyes are a vibrant blue but were black holes now. My pupils were dilated and this put me in the mindset that I really was going to die. I lied down on the couch and C and I watched TV. In my head I was certain I was going to die but started to accept it. I remember making little remarks to C such as “Drugs are a powerful thing.” Sometime while laying down I had S call my girlfriend and I spoke to her though I’m not sure what I said. It felt as if that was my last goodbye and when I hung up the phone I was somewhat at peace. I started to understand that death was just a part or life that everyone must accept and to some degree enjoy. If this was my last hour I wanted to be carefree and not worry about anything, which is what I’ve been doing for the last few years of my adolescent life. When I purged my mind of its petty worries I had a huge wave of euphoria hit me. The clock didn’t make sense to me but I didn’t care. I didn’t know where or who I was but I didn’t care. I knew I was going to die but I accepted it and didn’t care. This feeling was indescribable. The only way to put it is that I was completely at peace with myself and the world around me.
T+(4:00) Slowly, like a puzzle, piece by piece my life is built back together and I start to remember my family and where I am. M was sitting on the chair beside me and I remember looking at him and saying “That truly was an inward journey.” My euphoric wave ends but I’m actually glad to be back. It’s like returning from a long vacation. I was homesick for sanity but realized that I experience insanity every day. The little things I worry about like if I seem cool to others and the scary thought that my life may end today are the true insanity. They cloud my view and make me forget that life is about living not worrying. C and I went outside to have a cigarette and I started understanding this great lesson that my journey taught me. I’m not a smoker and sometimes can’t stand the taste of cigarettes but that was the best Benson and Hedges I have ever had.
I can’t consider my trip as being good or bad. It was simply a lesson that needed to be taught to me. Mushrooms are a powerful thing and to me there not something I want to do just to get “fucked up.” It was such a profound mind experience that it seems senseless to treat such a natural gift that way. I hope to someday in the future experience these interesting fungi again but not for a while. Right now I just feel like rolling down the highway and being sane again.
-Life’s a trip, trip well.
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