Citation: Dick / MF. "LASIK and Someone Sensitive: An Experience with Lorazepam (Ativan) (exp66503)". Erowid.org. Dec 10, 2007. erowid.org/exp/66503
I’m in my mid 20’s, over 6 foot tall.
2007 I underwent custom Lasik surgery on both my eyes. Prior to the surgery, all I had done drug wise was had a few beers the night before, and during the week I had been taking my usual multivitamin and 2mg of Acetyl L Carnitine I take daily.
The morning of the surgery I went to the office on an empty stomach, and 4 hours of sleep. No multivitamin, no Acetyl L Carnitine. Straight from bed, to the car, to the surgeon's office.
I filled out the forms, went over the care instructions, all that mess. Next, arrived a cup with 2 pills. I asked a bit about them, the nurse/assistant didn't seem to know much about them. I thought they were Valium. I explained I act a bit peculiar on that drug, and would rather take half. I reluctantly took one of the 2 pills. Another medical person stepped in, I explained what was going on with the pills, she told me to take the other, I said no thanks, she then told me to take the crumpled paper cup, with the pill inside, with me to the surgical waiting area.
I was starting to feel the one pill creeping up on me. I felt a bit relaxed. Around that time I figured I should take a break for the toilet, as I don't want to feel like I need to piss during the surgery. During the walk to the toilet, and back, things were a bit spacey. My feeling was, “Good, this should be enough for the surgery”.
The surgeon heard from another nurse that I only took half of the meds. He told me he would really rather I take both pills. I explained my concern, he explained his, told me it wasn’t too strong of a dose, only 2mg of Ativan, I should be fine. He understood where I was coming from about “losing control”. I gave in, uncrumpled the paper cup, and followed the doctor’s orders. Down went the other 1mg of Ativan.
Things start to blur 5-10 minutes from there. I remember spacing out at the wall. Time was a bit off, I have no idea how long I was staring at the wall. I recall clearly hearing my name being called to the surgery area, standing up, and making sure I had my checkbook, and everything on my person so they did not grow legs and walk off.
I was a bit giggly when they were asking questions about what my name was. I can’t recall what the other 2 questions were they asked me, though I did ask them, “You’re asking me these questions to make sure I’m coherent, right”. They said yes, and I giggled with a sense of accomplishment as to figuring out why the questions were asked.
The first eye went fine, no problems there. However, when it came time for the second eye, the hallucinations started. After getting some numbing drops in that eye, the light I was to stare at started to move. The doctor told me to please stop moving my eye. I told him the light was moving. He told me the light was bolted to this, that is bolted to this, and bolted to the floor, and weighs XXXXX. The light isn’t moving. For some reason, my mind then went with, “Maybe it’s an earthquake”. This seemed to be the only explanation, I seriously thought, “Well, it must me an earthquake.” The doctor explained it wasn’t, I think he also said if there was an earthquake he and his assistants would be feeling it. From there, things get even more blurry, and all I recall clearly was being told to stop moving my eye, the doctor finally getting the suction thing on my eye and saying “Gotcha” (I think…), smelling my eyeball burning, and an assistant helping me up, with a smile on his face.
Next I was led to a recliner. All was ok there. I had an interesting time playing with the remote, figuring out what the buttons did with my blurry vision (It was a massage recliner). I kept trying to lean the recliner back, but the back wouldn’t go. I tried over and over again, thinking maybe I could get it to go back THIS time. I think a nurse heard me, and led me to another recliner. There, she explained that the other recliner wasn’t going back because of the wall behind it……
I was offered treats. It appeared one container had chocolate candies, and the other salty snacks. I said “No” to the chocolate, and went for the salty, crispy stuff. I recall looking at the ingredients to see if they included dairy (Dairy makes me sick sometimes). Whey and such in dry foods doesn’t bother me much, though butterfat and similar can. From there, things blur a bit.
I finish one package. I had nothing to eat that morning, and I wanted more snacks. It took a lot of energy to speak while on this Ativan. At the moment, it had probably been 1 hour after my first pill (1mg), and 30-45 min after my second (1mg). I looked around and spotted the container with the crispy, salty food packages. I make my way out of the recliner, and look through it. I grab some sort of cookie, and chex mix (all were “snack size” packages). I ask another person in the room, who was treated prior to me if he wanted anything from over here, he said no, and I returned to my recliner with more treats.
After eating treats, I began to notice my mouth was really dry. Also, the salt REALLY stood out. I knew I was twisted. I drank some water I had, that made it all the better. I recall eating the chex mix, and as I was chewing, having trouble chewing. It took a lot of energy. I figured, I didn’t want to drop the bag, so I place it on a table, and nod out…..
This is the moment when I have to rely on my memory an awful lot, as I can’t recall much of what I said or did after this. Things have been coming to me later, 24-48 hours after this I would remember bits and pieces and think, “Did I really say that? Did I do that? Oh no….”
I recall being led to a room so the surgeon could look at my eyes through medical device of some sort, I’m guessing to make sure the flaps in my eye were seated properly. I don’t recall being led back to the recliner.
What I recall after that, is relying on a blurred memory.
I’m a bit embarrassed, it is going to take me a while to get over some of it if I actually said or did the things I did, hahaha. I try to laugh about it…
I think I cried at some point, I vaguely recall a tissue near my eyes and someone telling me not to touch my eyes. I have no idea when I got the sunglasses placed on my eyes, but they were there when my ride picked me up. I THINK I talked about problems I’ve had with getting laid. I have a feeling I spoke about my penis (It’s never a genuinely fucked up trip if I don’t talk about my penis, or take it out for many to see!). Drugs I’ve done, people I’ve known, etc, etc.
Overall, I have a feeling I spoke about A LOT of personal stuff, to people I barely know. I’m still not certain why I did this, where I thought I was, etc. I’m also not sure how much was mumbled, or spoken clearly. I was smashed.
I vaguely recall someone checking my pulse.
I think the doctor later asked me, in my half sleeping stupor had I done any other drugs that day. He must have asked this a few times, or said it loudly, as I recall it. I think I said something to the effect of, “I’ve smoked weed, Woodrose seeds, ecstasy…' “No, have you done any drugs today???” “No”. I think the dr. said more after that. I think since the questions were bothering my rest, I told him he can take my blood, or take my piss and test it, I don’t care.
I vaguely recall being picked up about 2 – 2 1/2 hours after that first pill. I don’t recall walking out of the building, I don’t recall walking back through the streets of downtown to the parking area. I do recall the validation machine for the parking ticket. I recall nothing of the drive home. I recall looking at the front door and saying, “No packages today”. From there I slept on a couch for about 5 hours, when the doctor called at 7pm to check on me.
At that time I recalled nothing of the silly Lorazepam effects. I felt energetic, however. That night around midnight I drank 4 beers in 2 hours, and took it easy.
Last bit, was the day after. I went for my day after LASIK check-up, and I could tell due to looks I was getting, and laughter, that I probably did act a fool after surgery. Around 9pm, at home, I started feeling anxious, like I have from some psychedelic drugs. Anxiety, bordering on panic attack. I have some emergency Xanax for such situations, and I took ¼ mg to take the edge off, and ease that anxiety away.
The week after Lasik, I had another appointment to check on healing. I was very embarrassed to be there. I feel, last week I could have stripped down and walked around naked in front of all the employees, and felt less embarrassed, than some of the stuff I may have spoke about during my stupor.
During this appointment, I noticed more smiles, and some employees who seemed to be TRYING to hold back smiles, but with the smile just PUSHING through. I explained during that visit I did not like the Ativan, and I am sensitive to benzos. A little goes a long way.
I wanted to leave, fast. People I barely know, knowing who knows what about me, not being sure exactly what I spoke of, how much was true, exaggerated, etc.
Long story short, benzos, from now on, will only be low dose for me. Anything close to 2mg of Ativan, I will be certain to have a ride ready to pick me up from surgery ASAP, or it will be consumed around friends and such.
This was similar to times I’ve blacked out from alcohol, and had fragments of the black-out come to me later on. During those times I’ve also spoken about all sorts of stuff. I’ve also once pulled out my penis in front of a few people I’d known for a while. Nothing too much different than this Ativan experience.
This was very similar to those alcohol blackouts I’ve had, and I’ve had 5-10 of them during my life. Not many, but enough that I prefer to avoid them! Loazepam was similar, only it lasted a shorter amount of time, gave me a few mild hallucinations, and left me very anxious 36 hours later (popping 0.25mg of Xanax calmed me down).
From what I’ve read, the effects I had (Extroversion, hallucinations) were pretty strong for the dose I had. More common in elderly, children, people with CNS problems, people who also have other drugs in their system, damaged GABA communication, etc. I’m not sure where I fit in.
I learned a bit from this experience. I’ve never said so much random stuff in front of who knows how many people that I only knew for that day. They may have told others, and for all I know most of the practice’s employees probably heard something of me. It’s a bit embarrassing to go back for check-ups, however I try to laugh about it. Writing this trip experience helps. I’m not a secretive a person, however I generally don’t talk about certain things to anyone.
Sometimes I laugh about it, other times it bothers me. I more than likely would not repeat this again around strangers.
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