Citation: Shaka. "Terrifyingly Orgasmic: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp6634)". Erowid.org. May 4, 2001. erowid.org/exp/6634
||(powder / crystals)
Set and setting for this solo journey included a carefully prepared, quiet apartment, low light, half and hour of yoga prior to the experience. Several very positive experiences with mimo-huasca during the previous months.
In anticipation of this, my fourth experience with 5-MEO-DMT, I had headphones ready and the climax of Morning Dew cued up from Winterland '74. Though this seemed an amusingly juvenile stunt, or possibly as pointless as a candle in the sun, it turned out to be very interesting, though not quite in the way I anticipated.
One huge hit over oregano and ash. Onset in 5 seconds building to peak intensity in 20 seconds. Barely had time to get the headhones on and the pipe down. The music had hardly progressed half a bar when it started sounding so weird I swiped the headphones off and flopped backwards on the bed. The music was still playing though, whispering out of the phones a foot away from my head. This turned out to be the perfect intensity level to color the experience.
I was blasted into an impersonal realm. No matter how many times you do this with DMT freebase nothing can prepare you for the speed of the change. No more self, no more time or space, all subsumed in raw energy transformations. Then at intervals, it felt as it a clay metal stick of molten musical wire were twisitng in the pineal region generating the most excruciating textures of 'consciousness' - not even 'consciousness' actually - simply energy - beyond pleasure or pain - pure Godstuff - the very nectar of nervous recomplication. As described by some one else aptly : reality became a universal puzzlebox; a rapidly stacking and folding of energetic textures.
At one point I became aware that the whispering crecendoes of Morning Dew were guiding the direction of the energetic stacking though I was not following the music in any sort of normal way. The guitar was the only really audible feature and it seemed to speed up and slow down, riding at the core of some sort of glandualr nectar crystal that felt like having a tooth pulled and a genital orgasm at the same time.
I could not see for probably two or three minutes, then when I could, chose to keep eyes closed as the entire visual field was turbulent as whitewater. Optic nerves stimulated to an overwhelming degree - far beyond pleasant eye-candy patterns.
I had an inkling of a thought at some point that there was no possible way I'd ever be my normal self again in my normal life - that I'd shattered the very fabric of time-space or gone insane at the very least. I've had this feeling on high-dose mushrooms and ayahuasca also, and it seems fairly common in MEO and N,N-DMT experiences. It is state-specific, and no amount of experience seems to keep it form of occuring for some people. The 'Oh no - I've really done it this time..' kind of thing.
I sit up at probably six minutes, and have a moment of panic. this is too much! And what the fuck is happening!? The subjective effect is still similar to the peak of an acid experience in 700+ mics range. I begin comming a bit unravelled as it seemed a really long time had passed. I focus on the breath - deep, full breaths. This helps alot (as always!)
At approx 7 miutes I'm guessing, the optic disturbances (eyes opened or closed) are still extreme. I sit up in the bed and then jelly to my feet, then realize I am already reintegrating. No longer so overwhelmed, but still churning through molten godspace. Fractal instances of every object and texture peeling into the air and flying chaotically every which way, I sit on the floor and grab my bare feet, eyes wide.
The visual disturbances rapidly subside as I stare at my hands and feet and breathe deeply. Then progresses ten minutes of total Self-Realization and explosion of ecstatic love and recognition as condensed and complete and cathartic as anything I have ever previously experineced with enthogens. It was a beautiful beautiful few minutes - a truly lucid psychedelic epiphany.
I recognized my feet in my hands anew as the hands and feet of Adam (so to speak) - the only Being there is, extant, eternal, uncreated, uncontrollable, all powerful, all terrible, all loving and incarnate, mysterious to its very self, and yete utterly familiar, and eternally tender though all experience that ever can be.
I recognized this body, this ego, as a texture of form and taken by God as grace, beyond intention, timeless, and ultimately mysterious, a ritual unfolding which gives meaning and structure to the excruciata of barely differentiated energy my humbled organism had been just a few minutes before.
In this joyous recognition, looking out of my eyes into the mirror of the world, I cried out finally in joy. Joy that the world exists in such a finely tuned and mysterious condition, filled with the primal inspiration of creation recognizing and being humbled in the face of itself. A new inspiration to live as an exquisite expression of the terrible wonderful reality of exitence.
Though this all sounds almost comically revelatory, it boils down to a spiritual rebirth- a reintegration with the unity of cosmic will.
As my human self reintegrated out of the undifferentiated excruciata of impersonal energy, I passed briefly though a period of what I can only refer to as 'optimal' nervous system activation - that is, a state not altered, but rather *utterly lucid in mind, relaxed in body, nourished in spirit* - a state that somehow feels the way humans should always feel. It was similar to a post-orgasmic state, but after a uh..much larger orgasm than I have found possible via sex. This was baseline from which I wished to decend no further, indeed from which it seemsed unnatural to decend.
This 'optimal state' *felt* intuively, the way the humnan organism is designed to operate. I felt this on mimosa-hoasca also for similarly short (5-10 min) periods of time. It is not a 'high-on-drugs' kind of state - certainly nothing as chemical as MDMA or methamphetamine, low dose acid or mushrooms. It felt like something glandular was turned on that was usually off - a natural part of the brain's functioning.
I feel even these rather violent entheogens have tremendous value (for some) as they turn on the nectar of consciousness like a switch. We can learn form it and steer by in other modalities of experience - yogas, mediations, dance, music, etc. But this is the theme of another story.
With 5-MeO-DMT, as with other high-dose entheogens, the sense that there is some omega event that all this psychedelic bending of space-time is leading up to was very strong and familiar - this experience has been recurrent for me. I've felt like I was getting a 'sneak peek' at something off in the possibly near future. For me, in the past, this feeling has been patently millenial. Patently McKennean.
Investing too much stock in the literality of this sort of intuition easily escalates into an unpleasant exercise in delusion and paranoia. It used to scare the hell out of me, but this MeO experience shed some new light. The event is I'm feeling in the future is a return to God, the at Atman, the Self, the whole Enchilada - I don't know how else to say it. To attempt verbal details would diminish what I mean. I have more peace around this feeling now, where before there was often anxiety.
Two days after the experience, I feel very little need to return to the MEO space, or any chemically-induced entheogenic space in the near future. There are no more direct routes to the kinds of spaces offered by this and similar sacrements, but there are FAR more gentle ways to nurture the spirit! This one is DEFINATELY NOT for everyone - it is NOT recreational, in my opinion. It can offer, like all entheogens, a terrifying look under the hood, so to speak. If you're not prepared, it could be WAY more than you bargained for.
A full dose of 5-MEO-DMT will be challenging for anyone to integrate. I've tripped hundreds of times over many years with many different materials, and this one had me really spun. Be careful, respect yourself and others.
If you do decide to try it - take care with your set and the setting and ESPECIALLLY the dosage. Most people don't have access to an analytical balance capable of measuring <10mg effectively. The difference between 5mg and 10mg can be EXTREME even though it only looks like a couple grains of salt.
Wisdom and Respect!
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