Citation: Harry. "Realise I am Abusing And Don't Want To Stop: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp66130)". Erowid.org. Dec 5, 2017. erowid.org/exp/66130
First off, I will give you a small autobiography. I am a 20 year old college student. I weigh about 170 lbs and feel that I am in above average physical condition currently.
I have been consistently self-medicating myself with between 20-40 mg of XR Adderall for the past 2 weeks. I have been recreationally using adderall for the past 6 months. I should mention I have a very addictive personality prior to divulging my experiences thus for with this amphetamine.
When I take the adderrall I typically open the capsules and chew the contents. I rarely actually swallow the capsules as recommended. I feel that by doing this the rush and onset of the effects are sped up. By day 3 or 4 of consistent self medication I still feel that it helps me to concentrate, however, I lose that edgy rush that I would normally feel after not taking the amphetamine for a few days. This does not lead me to take more, however it does make me realize that I do NEED more to feel that edge that I do enjoy. These are my first indications that I am seriously abusing a drug- and I need to take a serious look at what is going on, and why.
I am a college student in a rather prestigious educational institution. The abuse of amphetamines is rampant, and often goes unchecked. A lot of people will pop a few before they begin studying for a midterm, or writing a paper. I will take them whenever I feel like it will help me get through the day- this is my problem. I realize that my reasons for taking the drug change for the worse. I’m abusing this drug because I feel as if I NEED it, and this was my first indication of abuse.
Today is only the SECOND day that I have not consumed ANY Adderall. I cannot sleep at night (not that I can sleep any better when I take the drug) and when I wake up I typically feel that I haven’t really rested at all. My mind is constantly racing, and I cannot sit down or calm myself. My levels of anxiety have skyrocketed. I was late for class this morning, and the entire drive to campus was hell. I imagined everyone in class looking at me oddly when I walked in- I was worried I would be judged (even although I am a very social person, and am typically very well received by me peers) which may or may not be bordering on the lines of paranoia.
When I go to the gym to workout I feel like shit. When I get my heartrate up it is slightly reminiscent of speeding on the amphetamine. Typically, when I go to the gym sped up, I am much more focused and I drink a LOT more water. Now, I am unfocused and don’t really know which set I'm on, or what to do next. Going to the gym SUCKS.
I realize that I will be depressed and feel like shit for the next few weeks as my mind levels out and returns to its natural state.
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