Syrian Rue & Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Waixingren. "Ravaged by Truth and Revelation: An Experience with Syrian Rue & Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp65702)". Erowid.org. Oct 12, 2010. erowid.org/exp/65702
well im not quite sure where to start. I am a very experienced tripper so i went into this with little worry. My girlfriend however had never reached an ego loss experience. My memory is fading quickly so this is going to be a bit choppy. I will be called D and my girlfriend will be called L. We both took equal doses.
12:00AM rue extract was mixed in a shot of water and taken. We put on a Terence Mckenna lecture and waited for signs of activity.
12:45 Mushroom tea was consumed.
12:50 we sat on the porch and smoked a joint of passiflora/calea/ocimum sanctum. After this point i dont see a clock again until morning so i am going to just explain the events in as best order as i can recall.
Our plan was to sit in our bedroom with some nice music on until it got intense at which point we would move into an empty, dark, & silent guest bedroom. This did not happen.
We began feeling the effects within about 15 minutes. The music playing at this time was Buckethead - Electric Tears. The trip was fairly mild. The music was quite wonderful. I dont remember if my eyes were open or closed but i recall seeing stories and adventures being formed based on the music. A kind of Music TV. About half way through this album the trip intensified a bit to the point where walking was a challenge. The room was filled with complex color arrangements. My communication with L was becoming silly but at the same time very sensible. She began telling me about a man with a clipboard. A doctor/physician type person who was standing in the back of her head. He wasn't a scary figure at all he was just there. Eventually i explained to her that this figure was the challenge she had to face. This man was her trip waiting for her to explore it. She laughed and told me she had been ignoring him.
Earlier we had established we wanted to go as deep as we could into this experience so it was funny that she had just been ignoring it. I began telling her about an entity that i had access to but was also inadvertently ignoring. If i laid and covered my eyes and shut out all external stimulation i would be visited by a very unusual figure from a very strange place. He would poke a hole into my normal trip visions and poke his head through. He was a strange clown/trickster type figure. He was formed of black/white tile shapes. the world around him was also formed with the same things. His world was one of extreme strangeness. Something far more unusual than a person can imagine. When he pokes in i begin to hear a WOWOWOWOW/BVVVVVZZZZ type buzzing noise. A bit like the HypnoToad from futurama. Or a bit like an insect buzzing, or the harmonizing of didgeridoos. He asks me 'What are you waiting for? come in and experience' Not ready to leave reality just yet i open my eyes and return to L. I try to explain him to her but it is just impossible.
I now head to the bathroom and struggle to urinate in the toilet without making a mess. All goes well and i return to the bedroom. L and i begin to talk about things. I cant recall exactly what though. Throughout the next 45-60 minutes i go through cycles of being very sick. I spend much time in the bathroom attempting to control my stomach. It eventually subsides and i go lay with L again. I begin to nuzzle her back much like a cat rubs on a person. Suddenly i flashed into the body of a lioness nuzzling her mate. For a few seconds i was this lioness in an African plane rubbing on her best friend. I felt such a great appreciation for it. A wonderful connection to the animal spirit. It reminded me of a video i had watched earlier in the week with Rupert Sheldrake explaining that animals too appreciate beauty and mysticism. I dont personally like cats that much. I find them very robotic and self centered. This experience helped me to feel their motives and have a better appreciation for their lifestyle.
Throughout the last hour we went through a few waves of feeling like the trip was over, we were very down and then suddenly it would kick in again. L soon began talking about opposites. She realized that she LOVES opposites. She saw that there are opposites in everything. My memory begins to get a bit hazy here. I know i eventually felt very sick. I went to the bathroom and could feel my stomach constricting. I felt like an animal going through a metamorphosis of sorts. With a great heaving i vomited a mess into the toilet. It was quite relieving. My gut felt much better but immediately after vomiting i began to feel my body and spirit separate. I crawled half way out of the bathroom and collapsed in the hall. L began begging me to come back to her. It was becoming extremely difficult for me to stay lucid.
At this point L was falling deeper into hyperspace as well. She began to realize secrets of the world. Suddenly telepathy was possible. We both felt the ability to will ourselves where ever we wished to be. We were able to move from room to room without moving our physical selves. she began to rave about how people do not need drugs. We should be able to access this place within ourselves at any time.
I wish i could recall the chronology of events better, i feel like i might be getting things out of order. Anyways, L started becoming very loud with her revelations. It began to terrify me that the neighbors would hear us. I begged her to please be quite. I begged. It was killing me for her to be so loud. I begged and begged and she told me 'I cant stop being loud. I cant stop' This became the issue that drove me into insanity. I now realize it would be very unlikely that anyone could hear us. The neighbors house is about 400 feet away.
I made my way back to the bed and tried to deal with the situation. It started to become very intense for the both of us now. She began to get distraught and confused. She was having great revelations and realizations. With every new thought she would scream out with joy and amazement. I begged her to not be so loud. 'Why WHy do you keep telling me to be quiet!?', she said. I'm not sure how long this phase lasted but we were continually battling with each other over this issue. 'PLEASE L be quiet!' 'Why do you keep saying that' 'SHHHHH' 'I cant'.
The music now was A Perfect Circle - Thirteenth Step. I now was a hair shy of being completely lost in hyperspace. I began to tell L to give into the situation. She began screaming 'I just want to wake up. Do we ever wake up!?...I cant figure this out..This is driving me crazy!' I told her to just lay down and give into it, it was time to die. She was talking and going crazy. I pleaded with her to just stay quiet and let the journey overtake her. I couldnt hold on any longer and i was forced to leave her behind. I could feel my ego being torn to pieces. I was being disintegrated. I was ripped away from my bedroom.
I was eventually reassembled but not as myself. I 'awoke' in a strange room with a strange person next to me. I had a slight idea of where i was but i couldnt understand what i was doing there or even what I was exactly. It seemed L and I were now on the same level. Both brand new beings in an alien environment. There was much confusion. L began to go through a very strange cycle of remembering her friends & family. 'Am i my mom?...can i be my mom?...I miss Jasmine.' L's mom died two years ago from cancer. She was very lost in this world of memories. Words began to flow through me. I explained to her who her mother was, her name and what happened to her. There was much sad and happy crying.
We were now getting lost in an entirely different dimension. 'why are you throwing up', 'stop throwing up on me' 'flowers' 'christmas' 'the sims' 'i want to eat you'. I recall seeing her face but her eyes were not her own, i suspect mine were not my own either. We went through a merging. She began to eat me, consume me. We became one. The music now was Colonel Claypool's Fearless Flying Frog Brigade - Purple Onion. The trip was now reaching its peak. We began to say words, not to hear them but to see them. She became very lost and started to ask me questions. 'what is happening?....D are we evolving?...am i allowed to?' My responses were quick and strange. It was not my voice speaking, or even my own thoughts. The voice of Terence Mckenna began to pour through me with the great fluidness and crispness that he has. I began to tell her 'You can do anything you want. L we have figured it out. We have evolved into the perfect being.' she now began to ask me what she could do. 'can i be pink?..can i be black?...D i want to be pink'
L was now going nuts. wailing and screaming. She became very rough. hitting things and causing loud noises. She was at the top of the bed, i was at the bottom. My eyes were no longer seeing the bedroom we were in. I was now in space. I was among the cosmos. I traveled through eternity. I saw the ancestors and their ancestors. I saw all of history loop through itself. Terrence began to speak through me again in an effort to explain the situation to myself and L. 'Everything is OK. We are now one and perfect. We have evolved into the perfect being. DO NOT BE SCARED. Do NOT give into astonishment. Your are now seeing the most beautiful thing imaginable. How does it feel to see the impossible. Do not be afraid. Rejoice for you have discovered the greatest thing ever.'
The music now was Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots. I began to explain that we had made it. 'The space ship is here. We have reached the cosmos. Do not be scared. Your reality has disappeared and has been replaced by a very strange and wonderful place' I began to speak in a strange language . A language which had great vibrations and booming sounds. A language of ups and downs. A language of bends and rays. The language was that of the self transforming machine elves. If you have ever heard Terence imitate this language then you know what i am talking about. It sounded EXACTLY like that. I was transforming the environment with every sound. Changing everything that was happening with language.
I logged onto the shroomery today and saw my signature. It couldn't be any more true. 'The real secret of magic is that the world is made of words. And that if you know the words that the world is made of, you can make of it whatever you wish.' -Terence Mckenna. I had that magic. i was transforming the world with my voice.
At this point there was much loud noise and the music had stopped. L had stopped talking and i was now traveling solo through hyperspace. I began to see how we had evolved. I saw us as a completely self sustained being that needed no external interaction. we had perfected the mind/spirit. The body was no longer needed. I then began to realize that i could never be unhappy. With every thought i would see that the next thought would be even more wonderful and amazing. I began to roll and thrash in my bed. I felt as if water was being poured over me. I was in absolute ecstasy. Nothing could bring me out of this world of perfection.
Suddenly hyperspace came to a screeching halt. the landscape began to dissolve around me. I was now a very confused being in a dark room. I came to grips with what had just happened and remembered who i was and what just happened. I found myself SOAKED and alone in my bed. There were loud noises on the floor like that of a trapped animal trying to escape from a pile of rubble. Pieces of the journey were flashing through my head. I remembered being bitten and beaten. i remembered loud noises and L destroying things. I remembered our dog being frightened(she was in the bed with us through out the trip) i felt around and couldnt feel the dog in the bed. I was terrified. I had no idea what was going on.
I suspected we had somehow killed the dog. I thought maybe she was choking on the floor or something. I felt around and found an empty water bottle. I then realized i was also soaked in my own urine. I was absolutely terrified that we had done something horrible. Fairly distraught and confused i tried to speak to L. 'L...L...' I reached over the end of the bed and felt very very strange objects. Objects which should not have been on the floor. I reached a bit farther and grazed L's hand. She screamed and pulled away. 'L where are you?' Slowly she began to speak. 'where are you!!?' she said. 'we need to turn on the light.' i told her. 'WHAT LIGHT!!!' she screamed. 'i cant find the dog'..'WHAT DOG??!!' She was clearly confused. I spent about an hour trying to talk her back down to reality. Slowly over time the sun began to come up. L didnt understand how she could be in a room with stuff. she repeatedly said 'D...Seriously....how are we in a room with STUFF!?'
Eventually we managed to get on the same page and we could see the aftermath of our night. The bedroom was absolutely TRASHED. our nightstand was knocked completely upside down. the lamp had no lampshade or light bulb. there was cables everywhere. my computer was nearly yanked off the desk. a very scary sight. we opened the door and i was relieved to find the dog laying in the guest bedroom. We had quite an interesting night. I have bite marks on my nose and my cheek. i have a very large bruise on my arm. L also has a bruise on her face. We are both very sore.
After comparing notes we remembered beating/biting each other during the eating/merging part of the trip. L had somehow managed to fall on the floor and destroy the room. we found objects on the complete opposite side of the room buried under stuff. A very strange experience.
This was the most intense psychedelic experience i've had. It was scary at times. It was absolutely beautiful at times. I feel relieved that we didnt do more damage than we did. It is going to take me a very long time to sort this journey out and apply it to my life. L feels a bit lost by it. She feels like she went crazy. She is doing well though. I tell her no lesson is learned easily. She just needs time to figure the whole thing out.
Well if you read this thing all the way through thank you. It was a great experience and it will not be my last.
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