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Coming to Terms with Eternity
Salvia divinorum (10x extract)
by Hawkm00n
Citation:   Hawkm00n. "Coming to Terms with Eternity: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp65520)". Erowid.org. Dec 16, 2012. erowid.org/exp/65520

 
DOSE:
1 bowl smoked Salvia divinorum (extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT: 160 lb


PREPARATION:

Earlier in the week, my trip buddy J and I had ordered 3 grams of a 10X Salvia extract from an online vendor. The day it came, we both got comfortable in our dorm's private lounge and decided to take turns smoking the dried leaves. J volunteered to go first, toked twice, and started giggling uncontrollably. This went on for three or four minutes, and I was getting eager to try it myself. As soon as J was able to form sentences again, I loaded the bowl and took a hit. Waited. Took another hit. Almost immediately after the second hit I felt a strange sensation, as if my skin were being pulled back from my face. I felt like a kitten must feel when it is picked up by the nape of its neck. I also felt that either I was shrinking in size, or the armchair I was sitting in was growing, which struck me as very funny. I laughed about this for a good five minutes before I realized the effects were wearing off.

When I felt close to baseline, J and I talked about how we felt. Neither of us could describe exactly what had happened, but we both felt a little let down that the experience hadn't been as intense as we had read.

MINDSET AND SETTING:

A couple days later, I had the afternoon free. Nobody was around except for J, who was watching TV in the lounge. Deciding to give salvia another chance, I went to my room, shut the door, and started to prepare.

I wanted to do it alone this time because I felt that having another person there prevented me from totally letting go. My room was clean and the blinds were closed, making the room relatively dark. I put on a CD (Selected Ambient Works, Vol. II for those who are curious), sat cross-legged on my bed and meditated for the entire first track. As the second track began, I picked up my pre-loaded bong and fired it up.

DOSAGE: One bowl (of fairly large size - I finished it in three hits).

THE EXPERIENCE:

The familiar pulling sensation began again, and I thought, 'oh brother, not again.' But I resolved to make it past that point, so I finished the bong off and loaded another...

[T+0:00]
...and my memory goes blank for a moment. I have no recollection of the point at which I left the material world, but at some point just before it happened, I felt compelled to get out of bed and turn off the music. This was EXTREMELY difficult to do as I had to fight for control of my basic motor functions. I suddenly sensed that this trip was headed for a level far above what I'd experienced before, maybe even further than I was prepared for, and the music was creeping me out pretty badly. About halfway to my stereo (i.e. three steps from my bed) I started to get tunnel vision and completely forgot why I was walking across my room. My awareness of my earthly surroundings was quickly slipping away, and although I wasn't afraid at that point, I wasn't quite ready for an out-of-body experience, either. Groping for something to keep me anchored, I bent down and reached for the last thing I could see: a magazine with a picture of Chris Martin's face on the cover. Then, my vision went dark.

[T+0:01]
More accurately, my physical sense of sight stopped working (or rather, my brain stopped receiving signals from my optic nerve, although I'm fairly certain my eyes were open for the entire trip). My mental vision was still working great, as the face of Chris Martin permeated my mind, became a repeating pattern, and engulfed me. I was surrounded in all directions with clones of this face! I wanted to be back in my bed, but though I felt I was doing what was necessary to move forward, my location in space did not appear to change.

I would compare this feeling to the feeling of a child being buried in a ball-pit at a fast food playground. I didn't know up from down, and every direction I turned looked exactly the same. I started to panic, but some part of me reasoned that maybe it was only my room that was like this. So I decided to try walking to my friend's room across the hall. Of course, as I moved forward, I had no reference for progress or my location in the room, just a hundred thousand faces all around me, so I had to walk by memory.

When I got to where I thought the door should be, I put out my hand (I should note that I could not see my own body, but sensed that I was still controlling it). Success! I felt the doorknob! Opening the door, I stepped across the hall and into my friend C's room. Nobody was in the room, but by straining my eyes, I was able to make out the shapes of furniture, as well as the computer monitor, which was glowing brightly. These familiar objects calmed me slightly. Even so, the furniture, walls, floor, and ceiling still seemed to be plastered with the repeating face pattern. I stood in the middle of the room looking around, before finally deciding I was okay and safe.

[T+0:05]
Right then, I felt a sense of extreme time dilation. I was probably only standing in the room for ten minutes or so, but I suddenly felt that years had passed by, and I was still in this strange face-world. As I thought this, the faces vanished and I was in total black space. At this point I became really scared because everything I had done to that point, and everyone I knew, were gone and were no longer important.

At the same time, I was being propelled toward a distant object in space that was emitting a white light. This time, I wasn't actually willing myself to walk, in fact, all concept of a body had disappeared. I was only a point in space with an awareness, a consciousness. Years and years passed and I was still far from reaching the object of light. During this journey, I went through several stages: first, pure fear. I specifically remember thinking about a term paper I had half-written, worrying that it would amount to nothing, remaining unfinished for eternity. I had a general sense of intense bereavement at the world and all the loose ends I had left behind. The second stage was realization: I felt, I even SENSED that I would remain a point in space for the rest of eternity, never to return to the human world again (it never occured to me that I was under the effects of salvia, and that I would briefly return to normal). I could have lost it right then, but I took hold of my emotions and forced myself to take a few 'breaths'. The third and final stage was acceptance: I was just beginning to come to terms with my seemingly eternal state of being, when a fleeting voice entered my mind. It wasn't spoken or heard. I simply understood. I vowed to remember what I had been told as it seemed to reassure me somewhat.

[T+0:15]
I was still struggling with my state of being, but gradually the furniture began to re-materialize. Immediately I stumbled down the hall to the lounge where J was still watching TV. I had to squint to see him, but he was there. I blubbered out his name: 'J__?' and he responded, 'Yeah?' That was enough for me. I was coming back to earth, more relieved than I've ever been. I staggered back to my room, a place I hadn't been in a long, long time. To my surprise, I realized I was still holding the bong. On top of that, there was a wet puddle on my carpet right where the magazine had been laying, and some drops running down the wall and onto the wall outlet! I then noticed that not only was my music no longer playing, but my lamp was off and my alarm clock was flashing 12:18. Apparently, while picking up the magazine, I had dumped most of the bongwater onto my electrical outlet and tripped the room's circuit breaker! I was lucky I wasn't electrocuted, and realized a sitter would've made sure this hadn't happened. For the life of me, I just can't remember the words of reassurance I was given, but the experience was all very real, and I felt like I had actually been through an intense emotional struggle.

I'd estimate the entire experience lasted twenty minutes, tops. I tried salvia once more, two years later, with results similar to my first time. I've never had an experience - with ANY psychedelic - that has equalled my salvia trip. I find that I need a long break between salvia trips, because they require my preparation and sap a lot of energy. It's been about two years since my last go, so I'm gearing up to pay another visit to Lady Salvia very soon!

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 65520
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Dec 16, 2012Views: 7,591
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Retrospective / Summary (11), General (1), Alone (16)

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