What My Experiences Have Taught Me
Citation:   Inanna. "What My Experiences Have Taught Me: An Experience with MDMA (exp65327)". Erowid.org. Jun 27, 2018. erowid.org/exp/65327

I've been taking MDMA for just over one year. I don't regularly use any other drug.

I took my first roll in Jan 2006 and was utterly moved by the experience. In a lot of ways, I became a better person because of my early experiences and felt that I healed from some past hurts. It opened me up to the 'rave scene' and I've been somewhat enriched by the music and my experiences there.

Over year later, I feel a sense of innocence lost. I can never, ever go back to the way I felt and thought before taking this drug. In some ways this might be a good thing, but not all ways. MDMA is not a magic pill--it is not a panacea to repair all wounds and it certainly hasn't made life totally magical...or even profoundly better on *continuing* basis.

I frequently feel a sense of hopelessness and disenchantment with life that I never felt before. I'm 32 years old so this is not an effect due to psychological changes brought on by puberty or teenage development. I was an adult when I first began taking the drug and I'm still an adult. I often have feelings of being aged and spent...like all the magic and wonder of living a plain life is completely used-up. I'm frequently dissatisfied with 'normal' life now and I long for more, more, more.
More party.
More sex.
More love.
More awesome that a life without crazy party drugs simply can't provide...and the drug doesn't provide that anymore, either. The effectiveness with concurrent use has definitely diminished and the magic, as they say, has gone.

I don't feel ruined, exactly. I don't regret trying MDMA because as I've said, MDMA also has done me some good, but everything in life just seems weaker. The novelty has gone from everything from buying a new car, to eating ice cream, to falling in love. Nothing is exciting anymore. I've become a little bit of something I never thought I would: Jaded.

I caution people to keep their expectations reasonable and don't get *too* sucked into the magic of 'the scene,' keep their eyes on something more stationary and keep in mind that 'this is just temporary fun--nothing more.'

Be safe, have fun and look out for each other if you can.

Exp Year: 2006-2007ExpID: 65327
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Jun 27, 2018Views: 966
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MDMA (3) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Loss of Magic (34), Post Trip Problems (8), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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