Citation: scatfly. "DOChead's Usual Thoughts: An Experience with DOC (exp64992)". Erowid.org. Aug 9, 2007. erowid.org/exp/64992
11:00 Suspend 2 hits DOC in water under my tongue for a couple minutes then swallow with more water. I turn on some Enya and go to my bed to lay down until it starts. I have been doing 2-4 hits every other day for over a week at this point.
11:45 I decide to go for a walk around my neighborhood. I make my way out the door and just cruise around a couple streets. My thoughts are mostly vacant except for the disgust of the neighborhood idea. Absolutely no privacy.
12:00 I am back inside, I turn on some Bob Marley, and again lay on my bed. Couple mins later I change the music to something less politically charged. IDM artist Wisp. During these trips I try not to have too many words enter my brain.
12:10 I am now seeing the usual fractals and unclear symbols and characters in their pink, turquoise, purple, colors. This computer destroys those, as does TV, or any other focus oriented activity. The carpet has become puzzle pieces, with the dark/light areas forming the lines. At around this time I also dissect every relationship I am in. Friendships, etc. DOC has had this effect on my almost every time. I am constantly thinking, almost paranoid, about my friendships, but these thoughts, like most, are fleeting.
12:20 In my room, feeling extremely isolated. Read experiences about people being connected with the universe, but it just the opposite. We are in a fishbowl, swimming around in our daily lives, almost blindly. Yes, the universe is there, and yes we are in it, but how small! I can vision life, and rebirth, and am fixated by it, but now, here, we are fish.
12:25 My body feels like it needs an endless stretch, and my mind feels like I am waiting for something. I also have yawns fairly often.
12:30 Start questioning if this is actually reality. Feels very dreamy, and unrealistic. Light changes provide new insights into any situation.
1:00 For last 30 minutes I have been thinking about the conflicts I have within myself. I find the beauty in the uncertainty of this and next lives. I realize that love plays a major part in the human experience and wants desperately for someone. But I still know that I am not sure if its what I want, or if its just human instinct taking over. Then i masturbate and have a decent time with that.
1:05 DOC always aches my jaw. Most recently feels like a pin is being driven up through the bottom of my mouth. A few weeks ago, my jaw also locked up while tripping for 10-15 seconds. Really hurt. Gum and something to drink usually helps with this issue.
1:10 I love to focus in on one source of light. And when it separates into the rainbow it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Like small butterflies of light and color. Very vibrant color. No music now. Just thought and focus and antifocus.
1:15 I get in my bed and shut my eyes. Immediately I tell myself never to open them again. Nothing about death or anything, just never open them again. I leave them shut but am feeling like I am holding my breathe and cant resist the urge to open them back up. As I do, I realize I have been making circles with my index finger in the air the whole time. It gave me some sense of hope knowing that things could actually be happening without seeing them happen.
1:20 Decide to go lay back down on my bed with some calming music playing. Undoubtedly I will be in a closed eye world for a while.
Yes this is left open ended but that is just how life is. beauty in the uncertainty. :)
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