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I Can Wish for Death, But It Will Not Come
Morning Glory (Heavenly Blue)
Citation:   Camelopardalis. "I Can Wish for Death, But It Will Not Come: An Experience with Morning Glory (Heavenly Blue) (exp64940)". Erowid.org. Oct 5, 2007. erowid.org/exp/64940

5.0 g oral Morning Glory (extract)
A good friend of mine had recently become interested in processing morning glory seeds after he, his brother, and I tripped on them late February. Being as close as we were, he'd offered me a free dose if I'd just come and hang out with him. Being that I'm in college, I'm a ghost around my hometown for the most part. I stayed at his house for a while, got the seeds, and drove back to the college.

A little background information: I'm an average build 19-year-old male with some experience with psychotropic substances (alcohol, weed, DXM, diphenhydramine HCl, MDA, salvia divinorum, nitrous, tobacco). I have a very high tolerance level for drugs, i.e. it takes a lot to get me where I'm going. I'm extremely open-minded and seek out hallucinogenic drugs for shamanic, revelatory purposes and tend to enjoy all aspects of a trip, barring nausea.

Mindset: Calm, somewhat excited about experiencing LSA without the horrific nausea the seeds bring on.

At around 9 pm, I got back to my dorm and spread the seed powder I'd been given out on a sheet of tissue paper. I took the time to ready and completely calm myself before taking the seeds instead of gulping the matter down in excitement. Leaned over and smelled the pile of fine dust laying on my desk. No chemical smell - good. He'd finished up to the extraction before alcohol steeping, so I figured it'd be okay. I trust my friend with my life, as he's less foolhardy and easy going than I am, so I didn't have any second thoughts about taking the seeds with the toxins extracted.

I got a glass of water to down the seed dust and started on the task. When I say task, I DO MEAN task. The first time I'd taken it, I chewed the seeds, leaving a indescribably bad feeling from my mouth to my stomach. Taking the powder is absolutely no different whatsoever. You can't possibly imagine how bad it is until you try it. In fact, sitting here typing this report up, my throat and mouth are filling with mucus as a precautionary measure and I'm physically gagging at the thought of undergoing the experience again. My roommate walked in with his girlfriend and asked me what I was doing, and I excitedly told them about what I thought was going to be a great experience (oh, how wrong I was). After I finished the seeds, they left me to my own devices and I put on some music to lead the trip.

After 30 uneventful minutes, I got the sudden feeling that I had to get in bed and go to sleep before I got sick. I knew it was coming and I had to avoid it at any cost. I hurriedly turned off the music, hit the light switch, jumped into the top bunk, and instantaneously began to writhe in agony as the seeds' poison began to take its effects on my body. I fought against it, trying to keep my eyes closed, but my consciousness wouldn't drift away. I periodically blanked out and came to, to varying degrees of whole-body pain.

This wasn't a simple 'Oh, haha, I can vomit and make things better' nausea, or a body load, or any other kind of pain I'd ever felt. It was like having the entire body expanded and compressed against its limits and feeling hot and cold at the same time. This was, I was certain, death. I remember thinking at one point. 'This is it. This is death. I've been poisoned and I'm going to die.' I oddly felt no remorse from this realization, but in fact felt completely neutral. Truth be told, if anything, I felt a little bit of relief thinking that I would soon be released from this pain.

This continued for what seemed like an eternity until, at some point, my mind and body shut down and granted me a few moments of numb, dreamless, deathlike sleep. I came to with my eyes open, my entire body vibrating as if the building were being torn apart by some massive machine. I looked towards the window. The sun was just beginning to start its trek across the sky. A new start perhaps, or just a signal to resume my suffering?

I closed my eyes against the light and time stopped. A massive fractal book ripples with an alien language, words continually disappearing and appearing elsewhere, its history being constantly rewritten. Colors explode like flying through fireworks as they explode, bright and vibrant but simultaneously dull and sickening.

A little girl in front of a white field, her long hair covering her face, beckons me and mouths something that causes me to shrink back in horror. A voice screams all of the atrocities committed by every single person, all the rapes and murders and wars that ever happened being forced through a loud speaker in another room. That same voice then tells all of the secrets of the universe in excruciating detail, and I begin to realize what a beautiful abomination all of reality truly is. All of this was going on in this sequence, yet happening at the exact same time, something amazingly hard to comprehend now.

Suddenly, instantly, everything became still. I cautiously opened my eyes to my room, streaked pale orange with a morning's light I made tentative movements to slip out of my bed and managed to do so without any unexpected shocks to my system. I threw off my shirt because of the heat and lay on the floor for a while, coping with the slowly disintegrating pain centered on my stomach and almost began to weep. I forced myself to my feet and grabbed a cigarette from my desk. I went outside and fell backwards into a sitting position and lit my cigarette. The nicotine calmed my still-aching body.

'I cheated death... again.' I threw my head back and laughed.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 64940
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 5, 2007Views: 23,858
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Morning Glory (38) : Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), Alone (16)

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