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I Felt So Good I Would Not Care if I Died Right Then
Cocaine
by HuntingBears
Citation:   HuntingBears. "I Felt So Good I Would Not Care if I Died Right Then: An Experience with Cocaine (exp64550)". Erowid.org. Jun 22, 2018. erowid.org/exp/64550

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
1 line insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:45 1 line insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:55 1 glass oral Alcohol - Beer/Wine (liquid)
  T+ 1:15 1 line insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 2:00 1 line insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 2:40 1 line insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 3:45 1 line insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 4:15 1 line insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 4:30 1 line insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


Cocaine and basketball

I was depressed on the bus ride home from a basketball game. I was a senior in high school and had got benched for missing a week of practice. It was dark outside and the bus was quiet. We were never allowed to speak after a loss. And we lost often. I was a little bit more anxious than usual. I knew something was going to happen tonight. I had to be patient. I still had to get to my home town then drive my car over 5 towns and into a different state. That would be my destination from 11 pm to 11 am.

When I stepped into my car it was cold. It was very early march in 06'. I started my car and began my journey into the realm of cocaine use for the first third in my life. When I pulled up into my good friends house I was almost deaf as my car had a horribly blown exhaust at the time. I walked in at 11 pm.

I saw x and y sitting on a couch with 3 bags of cocaine on a coffee table. Each bag contained 1 gram. Then x pulled out another bag that had .5 in it. We were all pretty psyched up at the time. It would be x and y's first time doing lines. I had done it two times previously. I read all the information I could find about cocaine. My other experiences went very well.

11:15: We waste no time and we each blow a line from our bags. (we all had separate bags) I try and blow mine hard, but not too hard. Immediately I feel the euphoric rush come over me. I am optimistic about the night. I no longer care about the past. I feel like I can conquer the world. Just give me time. I was peace and understanding. I have energy. The conversations are engaging. Time does not matter.

11:30: We decide it would be a good idea to play a little basketball. We walk down to public courts where the hoops stand at about 9'6'. Playing basketball and talking basketball with x and y at this point was amazing. We were so engaged in the conversation and the sport I completely lost myself. Or I finally found myself.
I completely lost myself. Or I finally found myself.
It was probably 30 degrees outside, though it felt 55, maybe 60.

12:00: We walk back into x's house, a 3 minute walk. We all each blow another line. '

12:05 Back to playing basketball. Only this time the basketball is about 5 times better than the last time we were playing. None of us can seem to talk about anything but basketball. At this point all of us are completely in love with basketball. I walk the court free of paranoia and any negative side effects. I feel free. I'm sure my heart was beating extremely fast at this point but I felt too good to check or care. Things like this make cocaine over dose very easy. The scary thing is that I felt so good I would not care if I died right then and there.

12:10: I pound a beer by the fence around the court. X seems to be a little worried about my behavior. I tell him not to worry.

12:30: We all go back to x's and blow another line.

12:45: We go back to playing basketball. Only this time the games are getting competitive. Me and x are pretty good basketball players. We all immersed ourselves in a game of 21. I was in the zone, playing very hard. We were all playing hard. We were playing serious basketball full out on cocaine at almost 1 am. I still had no negative side effects. All though a few times x tells me to calm down a little. He may be the wisest out of the three of us. I hear him but for some reason I cannot seem to calm down. I continue to play like I am trying out for Duke University.

1:15: We all go back in to blow another line. We are all surprised by how much coke we have. Y seems a little apprehensive to blowing another line. I had to egg him on. I am completely in the zone right now.

1:25: We go outside but it starts to rain.

1:30: We go back inside and C suggests to watch the movie 'Blow' He throws it on but I cannot pay attention. None of us can. We are filled with energy and conversation. The movie is very unappealing at this point. I say, 'fuck it lets go back outside'

1:35: We go back outside to play basketball in the rain. The ball is bouncing in puddles and it is 30 degrees out. I am hot and sweating so I take off my shirt. X takes off his shirt too. We are both playing basketball in the rain in 30 degree weather completely shirtless. (cocaine is a hell of a drug) did y go shirtless? Ah, I can't recall if he did...

1:55: We blow more lines.

2:00: We continue having battles of the game 21. All of us playing like our life is on the line. I am still having no ill side effects. We are all having fun. Everything is making sense. We are all perfectly connected. Was this love?

3:00: Somehow we blow more lines and we are still playing basketball. Although now the tables have turned. I no longer feel invincible. I know longer feel like can conquer the world. I feel like I am a villain. I feel I am the helpless one trying to prolong the night. Asking the others to still indulge. The conversations are no longer flowing swimmingly. It is obvious the highs after each line are not lasting as long as before. X seems to be the most effected emotionally at this point. Y seems to be a little fearful. Or was I just seeing human emotions that were not there?

3:30: We all blow another line even though it is obvious we are all not as much into it. Our noses are stuffed up. They hurt from sniffing so much. We are sick of what one another has to say. But we each take turns playing ping pong on a miniature table. I dominate early on. Then me and y get into the zone and no one can score. It literally takes about 45 seconds per point.

3:45: x stops playing ping pong. He looks slightly out of it. I say x!? 'are you okay?' He looks at me in a way I can only describe as grim death. If he was crashing now I knew I would soon follow suit. This scared me and I said who's up for another line?. The crowd reaction was not favorable. This is when I blew a line by myself. Y played Pong with me for a little after my lonesome line but he soon crashed as well. This is when things got very shifty.

3:50is: The movie 'Blow' is still playing and some where in the movie I hear the line, 'a gram of cocaine can kill a man' or something to the extent of that. I get extremely paranoid. I can feel my heart beating. It does not feel good. At this point I still have too much pride to show my personal concern to others though. X and y look like they are down in the gutters. Did we blow to many lines?

4:30: x is trying to go to sleep. Y is just chilling, but crashing pretty hard. I am crashing extremely hard and cannot stop fidgeting around. My heart beats fast. I desperately need to drink water all the time. I cannot sit still for a minute. I feel as though I might die. I regretted doing the coke at this point in time. I feared for my life. Was my fear irrational?
I feel as though I might die. I regretted doing the coke at this point in time. I feared for my life. Was my fear irrational?


4:45: I still cannot sit still. Time has never gone by slower. I still feel like something awful is waiting to happen. I really want to get up and take a walk. But at the same time I cannot seem to think clearly. All my logic has seemed to of been warped. My brain is mushy. To a sober fourth party observer there would of been two zombies and one very psychotic crazy mother fucker.

5:30: I can finally sit down and try and rest. I do not really sleep. But at least I can rest. And at least the intense feelings of having some sort of heart failure has past. I feel a little bit better. Y leaves later that morning.

10:00 am - I go out to my car after minimal sleep. Very emotionless with a slight headache, and I have a fucking flat tire. It was hell changing it. I still felt like lying down and never moving. But at the same time I definitely needed to flee this depressing scene.


In retrospect it was a good experience. I have only done cocaine on a few occasions since then but have no intentions of doing it again. For me personally the crash can be a bit much. Sometimes the crash is not worth the high. Sometimes it is. But sometimes it's not really worth the gamble. This is a drug I could never get addicted to. Moderation and information is the key. Also a healthy heart.

Exp Year: 2006ExpID: 64550
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 22, 2018Views: 1,012
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Cocaine (13) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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