Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora)
Citation: newman. "With the Intention to Stop Using Cocaine: An Experience with Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora) (exp64406)". Erowid.org. Nov 5, 2007. erowid.org/exp/64406
I feel that is important to share my ayahuasca experience because it was different from many reports I've read in the preparation (lack of), adherence to guidelines (none), and profound nature of the experience (incredible and life-changing).
I am 38 years old and have an extensive history of drug use. You name it- I've probably at least tried it (with the exception of so-called designer, research type chemicals). My current use has been mostly limited to cannabis (1-2 times a week), alcohol (occasional), and the white witch, cocaine. This final drug, while used only once every 6 or 8 weeks (for 24-72 hours straight), was ruining my marriage and my life.
My expectation of the ayahuasca experience was that it could be helpful as a tool of psychoanalysis and help me to stop abusing alcohol and cocaine and consequently help me improve my life. Having used LSD heavily in my youth, I thought I knew somewhat what to expect. Along with a couple of other minor personal questions and issues I hoped to reflect upon, the main reason for my ayahuasca experience was to be to stop using cocaine.
I'd had the ingredients for over a year. My wife and kids were out of town, so I finally had a chance to give this stuff a whirl. During the 6 hours previous I had consumed 3 beers and 3 margaritas, 1.0 mg of xanax, 2 tokes of cannabis, and one medium-sized toke of salvia (to prep my brain). Obviously, I was primed.
After eating a huge meal of mishmosh tacos (sausage, chicken, noodles, cheese, salsa) my belly was full and I was ready to go. Nevermind the possible contraindications and all the warnings about what one should and shouldn't eat.
10:17 PM chop up all mimosa (about 20 grams) and put in small pan. Cover with water(1-1/2 cups?) and squeeze in one lime. Put over low heat to simmer.
10:20 PM consume harmala (ground in coffee grinder and drunk with milk and ice cream)
10:23 PM insuffolate one small line of cocaine (last ever?)
10:25 PM one large toke cannabis
-I think it is important to note here that this report is not about the other drugs, as I feel they did not effect the ayahausca experience in the least.
10:32 PM I'm a little uncomfortable and my spelling is not so good. I played a little guitar, which was quite fun. I feel euphoric, and color and contrast seems more interesting. At this time a small feeling of guilt crept in and I felt it was important to re-state my intentions in doing this. I want to stop using cocaine. Lights looked too bright and I adjusted the lighting.
10:40 PM stir tea
10:41 PM I feel a bit antsy and nervous, and almost call my half-brother ( who I've never met or talked to), but decide I may be too messed up. I haven't even drunk any tea yet! I feel no pain whatsoever (earlier I had a throbbing toothache).
10:45 PM I consider smoking more cannabis or salvia, but decide against it. I open a beer and sit to play some guitar.
10:55 PM My head is warm. The music flows freely from my guitar. I feel very stoned and content.
10:55 PM Strain tea. Makes about two inches of thick purple liquid in a glass. Simply run more water into the pan and put it back onto the stove.
11:02 PM Choke down vile tasting liquid with a splash of milk and a couple small scoops of ice cream. Yuck, but I handled it. Smoke one hit of cannabis to settle stomach. So far I feel quite loose, although the effects are not psychadelic. I sit to play more guitar.
11:20 PM Guitar extremely rewarding! I feel a sudden shift in gravity that is more of a twisting that a dizzy feeling.
11:21 PM Pour next round of tea. Get the same amount as before and consume in the same way. My notes say I have a 'heady-upp' feeling. Alerts? color and shadow are sharpening and seem quite interesting. I pick some good trippy music, but don't start it. I never do.
11:31 PM very drunk feeling. I think I hear several different birds singing and the wind blowing, but aren't the windows shut? Nature is calling me and I consider going outside, but thankfully I do not.
11:33 PM Suddenly things are very psychadelic
11:34 PM It's a little hard to walk and patterns are jumping out at me from everything
Oh boy- the come-up is fast and intense
neat loss of depth perception
I hear buzzings everwhere
Tracers are everywhere and endless
11:36 PM things are moving alot! Hard to write stuff down. Crazy patterning everywhere. Very zoney.
11:38 PM stuff stretches...
11:40 PM (final journal entry) What's it want to tell me?
I know...I know.. I know...
At this point I have to write from memory because I was no longer able to write it down. I heard a rythmic ticking noise coming from underneath the refrigerator. It sounded like music. I thought maybe some elves were under there trying to talk to me. I was laying on the kitchen floor searching for said elves when my cat came over to see me. Not usually the most affectionate cat, she started rubbing on me and I petted her as she rubbed around me. Faster and faster till she was speeding around me in a figure eight. Suddenly she rapidly grew in size into a ferocious black panther. Then she shrunk and was a bobcat, a lynx, a tiger, and all through the cat family in rapid succession. I was a amazed and a little scared but she came back to being my little cat Jazz. That was the end of the whimsical part of my trip.
Suddenly I thought I could talk to my daughter (who was 700 miles away), through my cat. I tried very hard to overcome time and space. I knew that we had created time and that we could overcome it. I felt I should be able to talk to my father (deceased), my brother (100 miles away), or any living or dead person that shared the same blood as me. The cat disappeared, which made me very sad.
I thought about the flow of energy and how the life force works. I believe we 'choose' our parents, that our life energy all comes from the same source, and given a state in which we can access the correct dimension, we won't be bound by time and space. Distance would become meaningless.
I tried extremely hard to 'summon' first my kids, then my brothers and sister, my wife, my neighbors and finally my dad. I KNEW I could beat time. I felt intense despair when I realized I couldn't do it. All of my beliefs about how reality works were seemingly wrong. I was crazy. Nuts. A certifiable lunatic. I thought I was yelling but now I don't think I was. I started talking to my dad very angrily about all of his deficiencies as a parent. Then I remembered my intention in doing this insane thing. To stop using cocaine.
In one rush of an instant, all of the pain, anger, and bad feelings that I had caused all of the people I love by using cocaine rushed into my body. I laid on the floor and sobbed, my body heaving. I balled my eyes out and then some, saying over and over I'm sorry. I rubbed my face raw in an hour of endless tears, the likes of which I did not know were possible. I cried for all of the feelings I've buried inside of me my whole life. Thinking about it now I cannot put into words the emotion I felt, the sadness, the sorrow. When it finally subsided, I knew I would never use cocaine or any other drugs again. It was over.
I wasn't sure what to do. It was 3:30 AM. I was still tripping fairly hard and I could not do the simplest of tasks like plug in my phone. I called my sister in St. Louis. I told her everything. She told me some things I didn't know, including that depression runs in my family and that both she and my dad had been on medication for it. She made the 4 1/2 hour trip to my house and took me to a doctor, who prescribed me antidepressants (Prozac).
I feel that the ayahausca experience I had was so much more than I could have ever imagined. I thank whatever force from the great beyond created it. I threw away all of my drugs, hopefully forever. I've reached out to the people I love for help. Right now I don't feel I have the ability to lie or hide things anymore.
Stunning and amazing, helpful beyond any expectation, unbelievably intense, profound and powerful, I am nothing but SO glad I made the decision to use this amazing tool of self-discovery.
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