Citation: Hamster. "I Loved Myself: An Experience with Oxycodone (exp64254)". Erowid.org. Oct 16, 2008. erowid.org/exp/64254
I'm no stranger to drugs. I have been trying drugs and other mind altering substances for nearly 8 years. My first experience was at the tender age of 10 when I tried some cocaine. I had a horrible time. And I don't think it was just because I was 10. I just hated the effects it gave me. I tried alcohol at an friend's party at the age of 11. I was given LSD unwillingly in school when I was 12. I smoked weed off and on between the ages of 14 and now and first tried shooms when I was 16. Now, almost 18, I have a future ahead of me. I am very careful about the drugs I use. But I have been interested in trying Oxycodone for a year and a few nights ago, I finally had a chance to try it. How I got it happened the day before, though.
On the Fourth of July, My step father, older brother and I went to our old house because a little birdie told us that the house was being broken into for many weeks. Well, our little informant was right. Wasn't much damage except a pried open basement window and some mud on the floors. They only stole the crap we didn't bring with us so we didn't want it anyway. Well, on the floor in my old room, I found two dark pill bottles. We were missing some medication so I thought it was some pills we forgot and I put it in my purse without thinking. We locked up the place even tighter and went home. And that was that.
Out of sheer curiosity, I looked at those pill bottles and opened the biggest bottle. This one had two and a half of brownish-orange pills that said 'OC/40' and a small pinkish pill that had a 'V' on it. I knew in a heartbeat the brown pills was Oxycodone. It's very popular with us youngsters these days. I didn't care what the 'V' pill was (probably Vicodin). I opened the smaller bottle and it had a residue of brownish fine powder that smelled of vinegar. heroin, I guess. I made a retarded decision and smelled the bottle. THAT'S when I was sure it was heroin. It made be feel odd. Like I said, I tried coke before so I was sure it wasn't cocaine. I just threw the bottle in the trash. I kept the other bottle with the pills and made the decision that I was gonna try Oxycodone. Screw that 'V' pill. I read hours worth of info on this drug. Made sure I knew its effects and after effects and how much I should take before even THINKING about putting it into my body. I decided to take a pill and a half.
I was gonna sniff it up because I read it was the best way to avoid nausea. I put the pills in a little baggy and smashed that crap out of it with a hammer until it was a fine powder with specks of brown in it. I had some BK earlier so I used my straw and an old clip board I used to draw a few times. I took my I.D. card and cut the powder up into three lines. Kinda laughed doing it because I was preparing drugs, like in the movies. Ha ha. I took the straw, held my nostril and 'powder my nose'.
00:00/ 12:30 am - ARRRRRRRG!!! That shit hurt like a MF-fer! I had some water nearby because I read that it was a good idea to have a bottle of water handy while on the drug and it help it go down. I drunk some sips, waited and snorted some more until I snorted every bit. Almost immediately, I had the sense that my reality was starting to fade away. I was kinda digging how fast it started to worked. I got on my computer and started on a flash cartoon I have been working on.
00:05 - I starting to feel it. I start to feel a little warm and my senses started to enhance. I quit working on the cartoon and went to read some comments on my pictures on art sites. My limbs are weak and numb
00:10 - Spine tingling, feeling dizzy. My body feels really warm. Some of its effects feel similar to other drugs while some was rather new to me. I'm starting to feel....queasy. I stopped reading and replying to comments and started watching videos on Youtube. Maybe it will entertain me like they do when I'm stoned.
00:20 - I FEEL it now. my body feels like it weighted 500 lbs and I don't want to lift it. I find myself rolling my head to side to side because it felt very heavy and I was really warm. I was REALLY warm. I started sweating like a pig and for some reason, I wanted to nibble on some candy. Even though I knew it probably wasn't a good idea because of the nausea I'm starting to feel but I did it anyway. While getting the bag I had, my cat rubbed up against my legs. OH, it felt sooooooooo GOOD! I let him rub on me until I had the urge to pick him up and cuddle with him. He hated to be picked up but at this point, I don't care.
00:25 - I finally put him down as soon as I realize how creepy it was to cuddle with your cat for five minutes. I just stood there, forgetting what I was gonna do. At his point, food was not a good idea because I felt sick. I was still very warm and was sweating like crazy. My body was so weak, I was a bit concerned but the feeling, oh god, the feeling it gave me was amazing! I felt like I was flying without a care in the world. I felt this way on weed, shoorms, and or LSD but this kind of nirvana was different. I burned myself the night before with a fire cracker and the pain on my hand was gone. This was one amazing pain killer, I tell ya! I sat down on my computer chair and felt like I was about to vomit but still was at a sense of great euphoria. At this point, I got an email saying someone has commented on one of my Youtube videos. This made me forget I was sick and read the message. My video was about a certain current event that I made fun of (yeah for the sheer purpose to piss people off...sue me) and the comment was by someone who was amazingly pissed by this video and, well let's just say (in the most nicest way possible) this guy wasn't too smart. I replied, that best way I can in my weak, sick, euphoria state.
00:30/ 1am - Sweating...sweating...oh my god, I'm sweating! It was dripping on my forehead and I can feel it soaking my bra. But the sweat just cooled me off from the warm feeling the drug was giving me. The user responded and at this point, he pissed me off. Normally, I won't care about the comment but the OC was enhancing my feelings and I was really pissed. I replied the best I can, angry. I now see how silly it was of me to get so angry. He replied immediately and he pissed off again. I told him off and showed him how stupid that argument he gave was but at this point, the drug was effecting me too much to care anymore. I didn't send it. I was feeling too sick to sit up nor stand up so I just turned off the lights and laid in bed with the TV on and the fan blowing on me. The the cool air the fan was blowing on me was heaven.
00:40 - Like that Nelly song, it's getting hot in here so I took off all my cloths. OOOOOOO, my covers felt so good on my skin. My sense of touch was enhanced like never before. It felt so good that (I know this is too much info but...) I became wet, even though I wasn't aroused. Ahh, it felt so good. I laid there, wishing I had the chance to feel this way all my life. It felt like nothing that ailed me mattered. It felt like the world was mine. It felt like knowing someone loves you. It felt like the aftermath of a very good orgasm with someone you love. I mindlessly watch TV, enjoying the vibrations everyone's voice made when they talked.
00:50 - I loved myself. I loved everything about me. My flaws was beautiful and I loved my body. I looked at myself naked in the mirror. I for the first time liked what I saw. I wasn't perfect but whose body is really perfect? I thought about my life. I thought about my sex abuse, my depression, my escape to this city, my friends, everyone I loved, everything I loved, everything I done and was proud of myself for surviving through everything. I looked at my art table and was proud of everything on it. And I was proud at the artistic path I was heading. I was proud at......me. My life. My world. All these things, I never felt until now. Kinda sad that I need a drug to feel this way about myself. I realize that I'm not a happy person. I realize I need help in realizing that I am a person too and need to stop letting people run over me. I also realize I am an angry person. Always suspicious and I can't get too close to someone. I have been hurt so many times, I hate people but at the same time, I yearn for people and I envy their lives. Life is like a dream....and long, beautiful, horrible, dream. And I'm still asleep. Maybe one day, I will wake up and be happy....because my dreams are not......
01:20/ 1:50am - Time pass very quickly. I'm lying down again, daydreaming now. About many things. Many weird things. It was like all the good things in my life was replaying in my head with random images which included me walking on clouds, taking to random things and images of chickens on balloons. I don't focus on one subject for a long time. I don't care about the T.V. anymore. I turned it off and laid in the dark. I'm so sleepy but I can't fall asleep. I'm at my peak. Everything is wonderful. Everything is fine. Life is good.
04:30/ 5:00am - .........WTF!? How? When? Wha? It's.....how is it 5am already?? I didn't dose off, I was just daydreaming for so long I....wow! I'm half sober. I feel...great. I still feel good. I am sober enough to finally fall asleep. I don't dream.
Its been two days since I tried it and Oxycodone is defiantly a drug I want to try again. Didn't experience the itching I heard about (had some Benadryl ready, just in case). I did have some downs like my nausea and the morning afterward, I felt like shit. Not physically but emotionally. I realized how sad I really am. I hope I'm not gonna be some addict one day because I really crave the drug to make me feel the way it did. But I have to bite the bullet. I'm gonna have to find a way to be happy sober. Drugs aren't everything and I hope one day Oxycodone won't end up my everything.
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