Citation: mkc. "The Life-Fuck Drug: An Experience with Alprazolam (Xanax) (exp64205)". Erowid.org. Mar 21, 2010. erowid.org/exp/64205
Alright, I thought I'd share my experience with Alprazolam or Xanax bars. Sicne I read through some reports on this particular drug, the majority of them are negative towards their life. Please bare with some of the mispellings and sentences. I'm writing this late in the morning, tired.
Here's my story.
2. Devils Deal
It was a regular school morning early April. I felt the usual drowsiness from no sleep at all. I felt the need to actually possess these 'bars' that's been around us lately. (They're normally called bars where I live in Texas.) So, I called my druggie friend up, who I knew had access to marijuana and bars. I waited for him since his bus was a bit late, suddenly I see him walking towards me. I mentioned I wanted to buy some bars before classes start, so we both walked towards to the closest restroom. Right as we walked it and about to make our deal, the main high school principal walked in. I could see that we became blank for a second, but only to see him washing his hands. The man finally left.. this is just like foreshadowing. It's just him and me, along with his 2 bars that he had in his little paper stapled packet. I gave him the $5 which was the usual cost. It was all set. I finally got my bars. Little did I know this was horrible fate waiting to happen.
3. First class/thoughts. (Rising action)
First period arrived. I was just sitting in class, ignoring the teachers comments. Thoughts were just rushing into my head with happiness, 'I actually got bars... When should I take them?' I just decided to take a little peak. Two buldges in the paper. Obvious pills. Repeating lines of 'when should I take these' kept going over in my head. I didn't want to take them too early or too late, basically I wanted to dose it on a special time.
4. The Dosage
It was finally lunch time. This is when I was about to finally do it. I was sitting with my (non druggie) friends, sitting there with the packet in my hand. 'What is that?' Andrew said. I blatently told him it was 'bars' or just basically pills. Liquid was needed, but I didn't have a drink, so I borrowed my friends lunch milk. Took the pills out, and dosed them out in the open quickly. And that was it. Now, I waited for the high effect to come.
5. Drugged out & chill, 4th period
4th period class arrived. Impatience fell over me as I waited for my high, as it usually takes around 30-50 minutes. It was climing slowly and gradually, not like I remember exactly. At this point, I was drugged out a bit. But just chill. Memory is heavily affected when taking this drug, along with judgement. Since xanax is just like alcohol, which makes me unaware of my high, I didn't exactly know at the time. [Erowid Note: Although the effects of alcohol and Xanax have some similarities; both being sedative in nature, this is a matter of the users opinion, and is technically untrue.]
We were watching a video at the time, and I felt relaxed. I remember I kept putting my head down and falling asleep due to boredom, only leading me to stand up in the back as instructed by the teacher. My fellow classmates got their laughs, as some people knew something was wrong with me. Basically, I was instructed to just stand up throughout the video, but I kept sitting down on the chair, which made the teacher to keep telling me to stand up each time. At this point I couldn't remember much.
6. Judgement ruined, more bars
After 4th period, I suddenly felt the urge to buy more xanax bars. Keep note that when under the influence of this drug, it heavily affects your judgement. I went over to the dealers class yet again (who's always early) to buy some more pills. It was obvious he had alot more, so I bought 4 more bars from him for $10 right in the open classroom, behind his backpack. 4 more death tabs to save for later.
7. Spotless Mind
I was in 5th period in a heartbeat, and boy, did time go by fast! This class period was completely erased out of my memory. But fortunatly my fellow friend who has 3 periods with me (from lunch 4th-6th) would soon tell me about my situations after.
8. The Come Down
Then, it was time for 6th period communications class. Today we had a substitute who was in Asian decent. Luckily, we were instructed to do anything, since we had no lesson to work on.
I kept repeadily asking him 'Dude what asian are you?' Everyone was just chatting around, some reading books and sitting silently. I was just drugged out in my chair, all quiet. My friend who has 3 classes with me sits next to me, saying 'yea man, you're drugged out.'
The high was coming down at this time, since I remember most of it. But then again it hit me, I had more bars. 'Can I go to the restroom?' I said to the sub. Popped 2 more pills, and it was done. I came back to the noisy classroom, wandering around basically. This weird face of suspicion came over my female classmate who was reading a book silently, not to mention she sits next to me. Time flew for a while, and the bell rang for 7th period, the last class of the day. (Or so I wished.)
9. The Climax
I walked in and basically put my head down, or so I remember.
Blank. It was all blank. Suddenly I'm in a bright office. Memory is gone. Consciousness unaware. Completely out. Questions were thrown at me. 'What are you on?' I blatently said 'bars' as my head was wobbling, due to poor judgement affected by the influence. At this point I remembered I had 2 more bars in my pocket. Fear struck in me. I grabbed the packet out and started chewing quickly, then ended up swallowing the 2 pills, along with the paper and staples that came with it. This probably lowered my consequences in the future. La-La land came. Or basically, I was gone. Completely blank.
I opened my eyes, knowing I was home on my comfortable bed, completely quiet around 1:30 P.M. Suddenly I started realizing my memories as they pass by. 'Was this a dream? That must've be a bad dream.' It felt like I just woke up from a terrible nightmare with very little memory. The only thing that I could think of that morning was that I was dreaming. But inside, I knew it really happened. 'Damn, I wonder what my mother feels like right now.. not to mention my mothers boyfriend,' I thought. It was completely ironic, since my mother expected me to be perfect and drug free. Depression walked all over me. I felt like I needed to talk to someone, but my phone was missing! I checked my back pocket, only to notice that my cash from my wallet was missing as well. I went up to my girl friend's (notice the space) apartment who I used to smoke buds with. The story was being sprayed out by me, with very little tone. I then went back to my home (apartment) and just laid down, thinking. Millions of thoughts were just rushing through my head at the time. Someone was calling the home phone, I answered. 'Want to ride with me for a bit?' It was my mothers boyfriend. I decided to do so since I wanted to talk to someone.
I was just chilling with him while he was on shift at work. He starts telling me what happened.
11. Memory Conclusion
-Mother's boyfriend told me I was carried in a wheel chair at school. He also told me I pissed myself, and showed me a pick of myself in the car. I was in total shock. Suddenly the store manager comes up to me, 'Don't ever come into my store again while you're drunk in front of my customers. You're putting HIS job at risk.' I said, 'yes maam.' What the hell did I even do? I had no memory of this whatsoever. Mom's BF tells me that I kept coming into the store yelling, screaming, and tripping around tables & chairs while people were eating their pizzas. I didn't even know what to say.
-I asked if he had my cell phone and my cash. He pulled out my phone, and said he doesn't know anything about the cash. It was probably bullshit, but someone took it. I noticed he deleted the dealers number, along with others. I talked to my friend Lindsay who had 4th and 7th period with me. She started tearing up a bit and hugged me, of course. 'Don't you ever do that again!' I asked for some insights of what happened, basically in 7th period. She then stated 'You were just sleeping on the desk. (Passed out) We couldn't wake you up, the teacher was shocked. You couldn't even breath for a while.' Now that's pretty scary. Couldn't breath?
-I called my best friend up, who happens to sit next to me in 7th period. He said he kept punching me hard, but still passed out cold.
-I then called up my friend who has 4th-6th periods with me to get some insight on 5th period, which I didn't remember at all. We all went to the teaching theater, and I happened to be last. Right as I walked in, I stumbled I guess, and the whole class started clapping. Don't know why.. they probably knew I was drugged out.
-Mom's BF also told me that my mother saw me at her workplace whike I was drugged out. He showed me a pic of my mothers right eye which was red and bruised. It couldn't be. He told me that she slapped me, and as a result I started hitting her back, probably scratching her eye in the process. Jesus, I was totally unaware of this. I was deeply saddened by this.
That's probably all that I can remember for now, but you get the idea.
-12. The Consequences
I'm actually still going through this long process of this shit. Basically I got kicked out the school for the remaining school days (since school was almost over in a month.) The school board tried to go through an expulsion hearing, but decided to put me into an alternative school for 90 days for the summer. I'm allowed on school premises on or around Jan 16 08. Here's the main reason, 'Under the influence of Xanax.' Thank god there wasn't a 'Under the Possession of Xanax' added to that. I'm not in the school yet, but I'm scheduled to be for this month. Moms BF said I shouldn't go, no matter how much trouble I get into for doing so due to the risk of getting shot easily, as the crime rate is high in that particular area. (People shot in that school recently.) I don't know what the situation is. But I'll find out soon enough.
Forgot to add, I had to go through a full STRAIGHT day of bitching from my mother.
-13. Story Conclusion/Final Thoughts
And well, that's my bible tale, or story. If you read the whole thing, then I am very thankful for your time.
This was a lesson learned due to this experience. I'm glad I didn't die, since 12mg is basically OD. But I'm glad I took 2 at a time, which helped out in my survival. I will never do this ever again. What's the use? Getting drugged out with no memory whatsoever sounds pretty fucking dumb. Not to mention the shit can kill you.
That's why I stick to psychedelics now, never had a problem. ,)
And that was the tale of the Life-Fuck Drug, Xanax. (Alprazolam)
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