Its Grip is Subtle to Start ...
Citation: Matt-Mag. "Its Grip is Subtle to Start ...: An Experience with Crack (exp63801)". Erowid.org. Mar 2, 2009. erowid.org/exp/63801
My first few uses didn't do 'it.' I knew that I just wasn't getting it. After all, people spend big bucks on this stuff, so they must have been getting more than I was. Perhaps I should have quit while I was ahead.
I started hanging out with crack heads. Man were they paranoid. Walking into their house was a different world. Every window had a blanket over it, the phone never stopped, the energy in the place was so high strung. I mean if paranoia had a smell you could smell it there. And there I was. A rookie. A green horn. It must have irritated everyone because I asked so many questions, even before I was high.
At first these guys wouldn't let me smoke the 'hard.' They wanted me to stick to lines. I didn't take their warnings seriously, and soon enough (after hanging out for a few consecutive days) I was able to convince them to let me have at it.
And again I got nothing out of it. A slight tingling in my head that wasn't worth 100 bucks a gram. But later that night everything changed. To this day I have a new voice in my consciousness (and that's not melodramatic exaggerating either)
Yeah, it happened that night. All of them were sitting around the spoon, as always, and looking like they were in and out of crack heaven. I said 'what the hell' and again bought just a ten piece. Yup, just a little toot. Though, it was a bigger chunk than I had ever done before. I remember watching it melt into the brillo and feeling a little nervous. (I always think I'm going to OD, even pot gets me going sometimes) I let out my air and did it up...Wow. Just...wow.
Instant addiction? My senses changed. My hearing was as if I was in like a steel tunnel that had water rushing in it. Everything had a sort of drowned out sound to it. I collapsed on the table, half on purpose, with this dazed and euphoric look on my face. The other guys didn't even really notice, so I drew attention to myself. 'Wow guys! Wow' One of them looked concerned. Later he'd tell me that he didn't want me to end up like them, and my crack use really bothered him.
For the next half hour I was a raging crack head. I had like 70 bucks left to my name that me and my girlfriend were depending on for groceries the next day. I spent all but 20 of it, buying chunk after chunk. I couldn't stop, and I didn't want to.
That was months ago now. That girl I was with, who I had been with for 3 years? I'm missing her now. Crack still has a voice in my head. I do it maybe twice or three times a month, and have been for the last several months. Some may say that that's good, that I didn't go overboard. But I tell you, not a day goes by that I don't think about it at some point. I smell it from time to time for no apparent reason. And some days I want it so bad that I'll almost steal for it.
I live at home again. I'm 27 years old and feel like 'anytime now, you can start your life anytime now...I'm waiting!' Nothing really motivates me though. I don't much care for money or getting the best career. I want to care, but now I don't. I'm single and wish I hadn't messed up. Maybe I'm not a crack head, but crack is in my head, and my life hasn't been quite the same since I've become involved with it. And even though I know I'd probably be better off without it, a part of me knows damn well that the next time I'm wanting it, I'll get it.
Oh, and for those users in the early stages who feel like they haven't had that bad of a come down yet? Don't worry, keep going, it's coming. I've partaken in my fair share of floor crawls. Not to mention hours of coming down wondering where the hell my life is headed and why I seem to have so little to say about it.
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