Citation: Chief. "Uncovering the Meaning of Life: An Experience with Amanita pantherina (exp63626)". Erowid.org. May 8, 2010. erowid.org/exp/63626
This was the first time I had ever eaten Amanita pantherina caps and I definitely was not expecting to get the effects that they produced for me that night. With all the other powerful mind altering substances I have injested in the past I would have to say this one ranked up next to salvia (which I also underestimated).
I ate the muscaria in the past and only got a slight head change and a euphoric body sensation. So when I researched the panther caps I was starting to doubt their ability and wondered if I had made a mistake in ordering them. Little did I know that in a few days I would have the most intense spiritual experience in my life. I'm thinking that the supplements I take had to have had a great effect in combination with the mushrooms I ate to produce the results I got. The supplements I took that day were 93 grams of phosphagen elite, quercetin w/ bromelain 325 mg, rutin 500 mg, pituitary anterior concentrate 35 mg, hypothalamus concentrate (bovine) 50 mg, also I had consumed 20 mg of adderall 9 hours earlier. The hypothalamus and anterior pituitary I think had a great deal to do with the effect.
That night I picked up my best friend and headed over to my girl friendís house. We sat around for awhile and drank a few beers. It was about 9 pm it was starting to get dark outside when we decided to eat the panther caps. I made up a salad for each of us we all had the same toppings - lettuce, cheese, bacon bits, crutons and ranch. I also put raisins on mine only. I put around 3 grams each onto the salads mostly caps with a few stems. Right after my girl and friend injested a 10 mg adderall each. We decided to go to the basement and relax drink some more beer and watch a movie.
About 30 mins later I was starting to feel the beginning of the trip but was getting extremely tired my friends suggested I take an adderall to boost myself a little. I took 10mg. Within the next half hour my stomach started to hurt immensely. I had the disorientation like when Iíve had way too much to drink. Everything was spinning and I had the nervous energy anxiety that comes with mushies or cid but it was more so. My friends were pestering me telling me that I needed to wake up and not to fall asleep. I violently told them to leave me the hell alone I wasn't in the mood. I felt like hell and did not care about the waste of the mushies. So I laid down. Thatís when reality stopped for me I don't remember waking up and I definitely did not see anything or anyone that was really there. It is very difficult to explain the sensation I was having and the things I heard and saw now that I am sober but I will try my best.
I was several thousand of myself in several thousand different dimensions but the closer 'it' got the stronger the sensation until it finally reached the real me that exists in this dimension which was in the middle of the 'stack' if you will. Now it started off very strange, I felt as if I had died and was in some type of judging by god. I saw our galaxy the milky way and somehow at the same time the other thousands of galaxies in the other dimensions where myselfs existed. I was floating and was given the chance to be with one person for eternity.
The question fell and how I explain it is like a the dominoe effect I could hear it going down the line and could see it rolling towards me watching other thousands of myself in the other dimensions answering the question. It was coming at an incredibly fast rate and I worried what I would answer, if it would be right because at the same time I saw my girlfriend and thousands of her doing the same thing. Finally it hit me and her at the same time and we both said exactly the same thing, which was good because if the person I choose didn't choose me then I was dammed to spend all of eternity alone, we said the one I love. That happened and I went from experiencing unbearable anxiety and dread to total relief and undescribable euphoric body buzz.
Now she dissapeared and it was just me and my thousands of selfs. I could feel godís prescence and couldn't really say that I heard it but I was to go through everything in existence, sorta like the alphabet if you will, to finally understand WHY. The meaning of life, why there is and why there isn't, why god created and why it is all destroyed. This was all at the same time the best experience of my life and the worst. I cannot describe the feelings I felt because I really don't think that they exist in this world. The dominoe effect started going through everything alphabetically.
I really only remember a few. The first I remember was death slightly getting stronger until it hit me then bam horrible then it went down the line. Next was funny, god this one killed me I was laughing so hard, at least I think I was. Then came happiness and so on. I was experiencing all of the things to their extreme in pure form. The one that really stood out I saw it coming. It's horrible I know but it was piss. I felt like a deck of cards being flipped up I flipped in to reality and was staring at my girlfriend and, to me, she was saying piss piss. I said no no I can't this is where it has to end because I wasn't going to piss on her carpet in the basement. She said it has to it can't be stopped it must come. I said hell no this is the end it stops right here. She kept egging it on she started to pull my pants off and say piss piss I took off running up the stairs and into her bathroom. This was not good. I was twitching really bad and could not control myself and try as I might could not keep it in the toilet I was pissing everywhere. Luckily she came in and helped me out.
After that I went back into my crazy spiritual world where I hoped to finally hit z. I hit it then it went on. I seriously thought I was going to be permanently insane from about s and after it hit z and kept on going I never thought I would come back. I witnessed why god had created everything and why there was nothing before. I had a complete understanding of life and everything I knew why and it took a huge burden off of my shoulders, it was like a veil was lifted off of my life and what I needed to do and what really mattered.
Anyways after sometime after z I saw the end coming all that had to happen now was for every one of the thousands of my self to at the same time go back to their plane of existence. This really wasn't working because we all had different wants and not all wanted to go back. It felt as if I was in a huge room made of rubber or something and was bouncing very fast into all the different dimensions this went on forever it felt like until eventually I bounced into my reality several times before finally staying for good. Later my girlfriend came upstairs I told her I had this crazy ass dream she said that it wasn't that it was real that I was out of my mind jabbering crazy talk made no sense. And on the piss incident that that really happened except she didn't say what I thought. The next day I asked everyone what their experience was like and they said it was very good body buzz but no visual.
Overall I think I really want to give these panther caps a second try hopefully it will be less intense next time or at least I will have more control. The only thing I can say it is remotely like is like a 8 hour intense salvia trip which I never thought possible, at least for me to survive and come out somewhat sane.
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