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Gratitude
2C-T-2 & DXM
by R Paulsen
Citation:   R Paulsen. "Gratitude: An Experience with 2C-T-2 & DXM (exp62625)". Erowid.org. Apr 28, 2012. erowid.org/exp/62625

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
  oral DXM (capsule)
  T+ 0:00   rectal 2C-T-2 (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:45     2C-T-2 (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:00   oral DXM (capsule)
  T+ 0:00   oral 2C-T-2 (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 225 lb


I had just tried t-2 for the first time a couple of weeks before and had had a mixed bag of experiences due to either taking too much of it or dosing too closely together. So last Wednesday I figured my tolerance had dropped enough for a leisurely good time at least and I wasn't looking for full blown gourding anyway. Early on in the evening I had started popping robo gels for a chest cold I've had for over a week now. I'm never one too take the prescribed dose of anything so I just take a handful of'em and lay down.

I had eaten earlier and was relaxing on the couch watching the tube when I decided to take a little bit of the last of my t-2 stash (around 25mgs). I just dabbed my pinky into the bottle and administered it rectally. I figured the comeup would be quick and there wouldn't be any tummy issues like I'd experinced on earlier experiments. It took about 45 minutes to come on. At this point it was basically just a body high. It was OK but basically a yawn, so I decided to take another dab and wash it down with some water. The come up from the additional dose was much quicker and was seamlessly integrated into the experience as a whole. So I'm watching something on the t.v. (can't remember what) and tripping decent at a +2 or so. It's only mildly visual, with no pronounced patterns or images. With eyes open the room looked sharp, as if the contrast had been tweaked on a t.v. set or something like that. I took the rest of my robo gels for a total of 20 pills (300mgs). The combined dissociative effect with the psychedelic effect was interesting.

I wait about an hour and just say fuck it and down the last of the powder in my medicine bottle, 'cause I figure it wouldn't be rewarding to take such a small dose on it's own anyway. The full effects hit at about 3 hours and the combo with the dxm created a unique mindspace neither one or the other as far as dissociative vs. psychedelic. I lay down and drift off for a while, not really thinking or focusing on anything, just being- floating maybe.

But then it completely shifts in it's nature: I am no longer tripping. I remember no visual distortions at this point. My mind drew silent. There was no thought, yet I was able to form thoughts if I wanted too. I felt extremely lucid, relaxed, at ease. There was no disturbance inside or out, it reminded me of how I would get after prolonged sitting meditation. Clarity and insight into the mind that was effortless. There was a sense of gentle silent benevolence sweeping through my being. I just breathed slowly, and sat up to look around the room. It was dark but clear, I could see the moon outside shining it's soft silver light. There was just silence, stillness. I was exploding with joy--- on the verge of tears even---just the memory of it and I'm starting to well up now.

I was no one. Empty. There was only joy and love remaining...... I smiled gently to myself, and just basked in the breath. The air felt like--- I don't know--there was no inside or outside-just this. I waved my hand around and laughed at the symmetry of the gentle trailers coming off of it. Again, there was no real patterning or imagery at all. I felt an overwhelming impulse to pray--- something I never really do nowadays. I said something to the effect of 'I want to share this with every living being. I want them to know this peace and joy right now. All of the countless living creatures- may we all awaken and share this together.' I asked no one in particular for forgiveness. May all of my misdeeds be purified. May my intentions be true. May all of the harm and wrongdoing I have done, be undone? May it be rectified? May I harm no one ever again.

My voice dropped to a low and even pitch, that sounded at peace and without any ego (at least it seemed so). There was an echo after my words- like a digital delay or some sort of reverb. It was like a perfect mystical experience as some one would picture it. There was just perfection in every word, in every breath, in every gesture. And I asked myself in an amused way 'who is the master? Where is Joshu now? Where is the Buddha now? Where is the true self now?' And the answer flashed instantly and silently. We are, all of us, this one. We are alone-- forever alone, but together. We are all we have, forever and ever.

At this I just lost it and wept with despair and joy and love and release all at the same time. Just to be alive--- amazing!!! How could we ever become so lost? How could there ever be any confusion as to our place and role in existence? And most of all, how could there be any seperation, and hatred toward our brothers and sisters- ourselves. I wept and wept at my ignorance and wrongdoing. I just wanted the mercy of the infinite to embrace me and give me peace. I was ready to die. I would give my life for yours. I, Would Give My Life, For Yours. The meaning and reality of Love struck me so deeply that it would be offensive to even try and describe the utter simplicity. The beauty in everything that is asleep, just waiting to to awaken. How could I ever deserve this gift? I could never, in a million lifetimes, be worthy in myself to recieve this kind of love and acceptance.

As I write this my heart is pounding and my chest is shaking. My cheeks are wet with unwiped tears. All I can say is that feel I grateful. Gratitude. That is all. There is no answer other than this, no higher truth to be known. It is a matter of continued discplined practice to actualize this experience in all of my actions. And that may never be completely accomplished. But we have nothing but time.....

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 62625
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Apr 28, 2012Views: 7,724
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2C-T-2 (53), DXM (22) : Alone (16), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)

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