Citation: Corvid. "Streaming Collective Consciousness: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp62206)". Erowid.org. Jun 18, 2009. erowid.org/exp/62206
||(pill / tablet)
The first and only time I did ecstasy was with my two friends L. and G. I had done some prior experimentation, but for my friends, MDMA would be their first high. And what a high it was.
We first waited for the sun to set, then we ate pizza, stocked a cooler with cold, non-alcoholic drinks, and retreated to the bedroom, where L., our official drug-keeper, whipped out the rolls. They were a pinkish color, with an 'X' and an 'O' on one side, and a star on the other. We would have liked to get pure MDMA, however the only two varieties available from our local dealer were peach telephones, cut with meth, or red stars, cut with coke. From the above description, our choice was obvious.
While it may be that the substance described is pure MDMA, Ecstasy/Molly tablets and powders are notoriously impure, misrepresented, or adulterated. Ecstasy sold in retail contexts such as festivals or parties often contain chemicals other than MDMA.]
I placed the little pill on my tongue, wincing briefly at the bitter, chemical taste, then took a swig of water and felt it slide down my throat. G. and L. took theirs at the same time I did. We then turned on Natural Born Killers, one of my favorite movies, and watched it while we waited for the X to kick in. We idly chatted over the film, until about 20 minutes later, when G. stopped talking mid-sentence. I turned to look at him, and saw him staring wide-eyed at nothing in particular.
'Woah,' he said simply. His pupils were the size of dimes.
L.'s dose kicked in a few minutes afterwards, and I sat, still calm, but vaguely annoyed that I was the only sober person in the room. L. tried to post a comment on Temple of the Screaming Electron asking why I wasn't high yet, but couldn't type, and ended up throwing up his hands in failure and laughing at his own impairment. I worried for a second that perhaps the single pill wasn't a high enough dose, but then I realized that it would be alright. In fact, every worry I had seemed to magically vanish as I felt an involuntary grin seize the corners of my mouth. I turned to L., who broke out laughing after saying something about 'Your pupils, hahahahahaha.' I laughed with him.
For the first 20 minutes, the three of us had a private rave in the bedroom. L. put on some techno, and we all started dancing in a way that only white people on drugs can do. It didn't matter. Every move I made felt like an orgasm. Shaking my hands wildly in the air sent shivers of pleasure through my whole body. I rubbed my chest, and almost cried with the sheer wonder of it. It was only a little while, however, until we stopped. And that was where my greatest appreciation of the awesome power of MDMA came in.
I don't really know why we stopped dancing, it was like some group mind told us all that we had danced enough. We sat down, still very high, and we talked. I realized that L. and G. were such beautiful people, and I told them so. They said that they felt the same, but I didn't believe them. My love for both of them was so great that I was frustrated that there weren't words beautiful enough to describe it, to make them understand. But then, I realized that they did understand. They had taken the same drug as me, and they felt exactly the same.
The conversation that followed was without a doubt the deepest, most personal conversation I have ever had in my life. Words truly cannot describe the level of understanding we all had. It was like falling in love every time I looked at either of my friends, some new wonderful quality about them dazzled me, and I was crying not just with joy, but with raw emotion. I had never felt so connected to anyone in my life, and yet now I had two people who I felt unity with. We went outside for a cigarette break. The night sky was entrancing, and the cigarette was the best cigarette I had ever tasted. L. and G. felt the same. It was cold out, but we didn't care in the least. We were functioning on a level completely above the physical.
We went back inside and talked more, our conversation spanning from the immensely philosophical to stupid musings about girls and our friends. The only way I can describe it would be as a stream of collective consciousness. Whatever any of us were thinking about, we said. Topics segued with undescribable ease, and we let our thoughts wander as one for the rest of the night.
About 10 hours after taking the pill, G. fell asleep, and L. and I, feeling that the main effects had mostly worn off, sat down to play videogames. Instead of our usual interaction, which consisted of good-natured teasing and sarcasm, we were supportive of each other, and reflected sadly on things we had said or done that hurt people we cared about. Eventually, L. fell asleep too, and I watched my friends doze, admiring the simple beauty of the sleeping form.
I was the only one who didn't sleep at all, and I spent the rest of the following day being the nicest, happiest, and friendliest person I had ever been. I knew that my seratonin was depleting itself, and that I would soon be crushed by chemically-induced depression, but it was worth it. I went to bed that night fully at peace with myself and the world around me.
The next few days were tough. The post-use depression was not overstated, however I was comforted by the knowledge of what was causing me to feel as bad as I did, and by what I had gained. Even the depression served to bond me, G., and L. closer than any of my other friends. Furthermore, I found that I got along with people better, that I was nicer to everyone I came into contact with, and that I had an extremely enhanced sense of empathy. Though I took X several months ago, the empathy and kindness remain with me to this day. I am a better person now, and it's all thanks to good friends and a Schedule I illegal substance.
What I would really hate is for someone to read this experience and only care about the energy, the physical sensations, and the euphoria. As far as I'm concerned, raving with ecstasy is a complete waste of what is a very special drug. Truly, most of the experience was not about the high, but the interactions that the high permitted. Will I be doing it again? If so, not for a long time. I could see perhaps another session with G. and L. in a year or two, just to see how we've evolved as people. And I think that someday when I get involved in a serious relationship, I'd love to have an MDMA session with the woman I intend to marry. However, I will never use it as a party drug.
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