Citation: MalakronikMausi. "A Fun First Trip: An Experience with LSD (exp62133)". Erowid.org. Dec 9, 2007. erowid.org/exp/62133
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After hours of research, I decided it was time to experience LSD. I was burning with curiosity, I was dreaming about what tripping might be like every night, and the thing that would help the obsession subside would be the actual experience. So, I purchased a single hit of high quality acid on a Monday evening. I saved it in my refrigerator until Thursday evening when my classes were over for the week.
I was full of anticipation the week leading up to the trip. When the day came, I kept looking up at the clock. I was, admittedly, quite nervous. I had had several very uncomfortable marijuana 'trips.' But I did understand that LSD, although stronger than marijuana, produces experiences that are quite qualitatively different than marijuana. At 5 PM I went to the dining hall for a fast dinner. My designated trip sitter then informed me that he'd be attending a show that night. I'd be on my own, but I knew that I could not wait another day. I went up to my room, cleaned up as best I could, selected comforting, uplifting, and engaging music that I might want to listen to, and set up meditation supplies on the floor. I made myself a cup of tea, put on Dead Can Dance, and began to take deep breaths, praying that the Divine would reveal him/her/itself to me.
I then cut the blotter paper in half, wanting to start small with only a half a hit, and put it under my tongue. I felt the effects washing over me immediately. All my anxiety melted away, and I grew increasingly bored with the dark melodies of Dead Can Dance. I decided that it would be best to just follow my whim, so I put my meditation supplies away, replaced Dead Can Dance with the first NSYNC album, and started dancing! I then spat out the paper and threw it away. And oh the euphoria that seized me then! I hadn't listened to the album in years, and it was whisking me away to a time long forgotten.
I felt incredibly at ease... the intensity of spiritual contemplation was far away, and I my mood was lifted by the dreamy, passionate, hip-hop tunes of music that hardly anyone would consider for tripping (I don't like to listen to 'psychedelic' music while tripping because I like to keep the cultural implications of drug out of my mind). The posters on my wall, even those portraying 'darker' themes (I take a liking to the 'gothic') suddenly seemed so fun and benevolent. Everything around me seemed warmer and brighter. I was beginning to feel a bit dizzy and hazy.
By now it was 6 PM. I decided I would like some visual stimulation, so I tried to put on Revenge of the Sith. My computer would not read the disk, which made me feel rather flustered. Then, my CD started skipping since it's so old, and I found the skipping far more exasperating than I would normally. These disturbances made me feel a bit anxious. If I was bothered by these little things, how sensitive would I become as I began to trip harder? I tried the Clone Wars cartoons, which worked. This actually was for the better. Because the melodies of NSYNC blending with the bright, sharp, unrealistic images of the muted Clone Wars cartoons was delightful. When I couldn't take the skipping anymore, I put in Delerium, which is trance-pop world music. This went equally well with the cartoons. By now I was feeling quite light-headed and a bit over-heated, so I set my fan up on my bed so that it was pointing at the desk where I was sitting.
I then got out some colored pencils and begin to doodle in my notebook. This was the best decision of the night. The song I was listening to featured little African children chanting to along with a glorious, trance-like melody. I began to draw a palm tree, and for some reason felt inspired to give it little coconut eyes with red, triangular eye-lashes! This exquisite combination... the world music, the fan blowing, the palm tree I was drawing, and the images of light-saber battles taking place on a grassy plane, gave me the sense of being outdoors. I began to feel as if I were floating up, the world was expanding (not visually, but conceptually... life seemed more meaningful and yet so carefree and so trivial).
Contrary to what I was expecting, I was not at all bothered by the notion of death. The violence that appeared on my computer screen seemed to be a part of the 'great circle of life.' It was animated and fictional anyways, so what meaning did it possess? All that mattered was that beauty could be found. And what was particullarly mind-blowing was the fact that warmth and light finally appealed to me! Usually I'm attracted to things that are cold and dark, but instead of reading gothic literature of watching German surrealist films I was drawing palm trees and flowers! Life never seemed so golden!
By now it was 7 PM. The sense of universal unity was still present, and my artistic liberation was growing ever stronger, but I wasn't experiencing anything hallucinogenic. I then started thinking that I probably should have swallowed the paper. So, I frantically dug through layers of pistacchio nuts in my waste basket so that I wouldn't waste any of the acid. After five minutes and no success, I decided to take the rest of the acid, chewing it up and swallowing it. So time passed, I kept doodling flowers and shapes and kept watching the same DVD, starting it over when it ended.
The buzz was getting more intense. My body felt larger, like it was looming over a canyon (a feeling I very often experience with marijuana). I thought that something sweet might be nice, but the cookies I tried to eat tasted dry and objectionable. I decided that I was in good enough shape to go out and socialize. So I left the safety of my little haven and ventured into the great outdoors. It was about 9 PM. The month was March, and it was still a bit chilly up in Massachusetts (where I go to school). The lamps seemed a lot more twinkly and luminescent than usual. The outdoors (the sky, the trees, the wind) had an almost eerie majestic quality. It didn't take on the sinister, clay-mation tunnel quality that marijuana often creates, but there was that slight feeling of being 'sucked' or being in a vaccum that I often feel with marijuana.
When I got to the dorm where many of my friends were, I told a few of them privately that I was tripping on acid for the first time. I heard someone call my name, assumed that I had imagined things, but my name actually had been called. I went into a room where people were watching Darkwing Duck. I show I hadn't seen since 2nd grade. I got giddy and chuckled, expressing that I was happy to see the show again. But I felt really awkward and uncomfortable with these people. I am naturally an introvert, and hallucinogens, especially marijuana, accentuate that characteristic. So, when my peers decided to go get steaks at the grocery store, I chose to leave them and go on my way.
I lit up a cigarette that I had bummed on a whim (I had quit smoking months ago) and it was utterly foul, so I put it out and threw it aside. I then meandered toward the library. Because I was a bit dizzy and my coordination a bit off I had to be especially careful. I tried to avoid interaction with people as much as possible. I went downstairs, where the flurescent light is mellow, the books smells musty, and the hum of the electricity is soothing. I sat down I began to contemplate.
Then, I began to notice the first visual effects. The book shelves seemed to undulate. I sat for a few minutes enjoying the effects, but pretty soon I decided that I had better get back to the safety of my room before things got more intense. Walking back to my dorm, the ground felt as if it were made out of clay. When I got back, I was feeling a bit antsy, so I set everything up as it was. I was beginning to see kalaidescopic streaks on the white walls. Images in my posters were taking on vague 3D qualities.
I then put a Mariah Carey CD in my CD player (another strange whim), turned my fan back on, put the cartoons back on, and started doodling. I decided to stray away from the 'warm and bright' theme for awhile because I was feeling comfortable enough to get out of my comfort zone. I was feeling quite sick to my stomach and hyperthemic by now. Instead of drawing flowers I began to draw jagged 3D shapes. The music was beginning to seem less grand a romantic and a little bit more poignantly corny, kind of like my marijuana experiences. All in all, the glory was slowly fading into this cozy yet slightly cheesy, slightly noxious sensation.
I then needed to pee. This meant leaving the comfort zone and going to the bathroom with its harsh lights and sterile colors. When I was on the toilet, my thighs looked like they were buzzing electrically. There was a slightly toxic, electric feeling in my entire body. I felt uncomfortably aware of my joints and innards. My skin seemed more transparent and fragile. Then, I did what I knew I shouldn't do: looked in the mirror.
Everything seemed normal for a couple seconds, but then the reflection of my body began to ripple and contort, the lines and blemishes on my face began to stand out, and I looked like a diseased, thin, frail old woman. I decided it would be best not to dwell on this image, lest it turn a good trip bad, and so I left. I think this was the turning point of the trip. The trip never got wholly 'bad,' just a bit uncomfortable and undesirable.
By now it was 11 PM, and I decided that I was in good enough condition to go to attend to reunion for a school service trip to Mexico. The gathering was in the residence directors' apartment in my dormitory. I came in a bit late, sat down without much more than a slight hello, and watched the picture slide show. I was overwhelmed at how inane and cheesy everything seemed at this point. I kept looking at this girl who had died her brown hair neon green. I kept thinking to myself 'marijuana:acid :: girl with brown hair:girl with green hair.' I would look over at the parrots and think about how darling and yet how stupid they seemed. I watched people eating, and thought about how weird eating is. People's sentimental remarks about the Mexico trip seemed so pathetically obvious and saccharine. The chirping of the birds strangely 'matched' the girl's neon green hair, and the Latin music in the background also 'matched' the silliness of the entire occasion.
But, even though everything seemed goofy, I felt strangely comfortable and at home. I kept thinking about how much I prefered the company of these two residence directors and the students I had gone to Mexico with to the company of my usual crowd (the drug scene). I felt safe. I felt like I would not be judged. I finally worked up the courage to stand up and get a piece of cake from the table, but I did it so clumsily. I finally left, saying that it was getting late and I had a date with homework. Oh, the silly things you'll say when you're tripping. I got back to my room, started up everything I was doing before (just to stay sane), but I was getting really tired and really bored with the same activities.
My drawings were getting a lot more wild. I typed out a long email to my boyfriend, who had strongly discouraged me to try acid, explaining how wonderful the trip had been. It was somewhat difficult to type. I tried really hard to make my email coherent without sounding pedantic, but it was really hard. In the end, it sounded quite dry and scientific. If I tried to put 'soul' into it, it sounded corny. All the while I was listening to Mariah Carey.
My body felt big and clumsy, yet powerful in a very brutish way. I then surfed the web for awhile, looking at sites about LSD and images that people drew on LSD and what not. I then watched some cartoons on Weebls stuff, which are more charming or more frightening when stoned, but they didn't have any increased entertainment value on acid. I then put my computer aside and started listening to Switchblade Symphony, one of my absolute favorite goth/industrial bands. Their music usually delights me, but now it seemed cold, flat, and toxically electrical. Everything felt this way now. I looked down at my feet and they looked so gross and weird. I began to dissociate ever-so-slightly (I've dissociated more intensely on marijuana). It felt like I was an outsider looking in through another person's body. I doubted that the foot I was looking at was my own.
It was about, eh, 1 AM now. I was exhausted and ready to go to bed. I went without stimulation for the first time in my room that night, and just looked around. Objects were coated with a greenish/purplish/blueish electrical haze. Pictures on my posters seemed to be popping out. All the faces on the posters turned into skulls. My robe seemed to be moving quite a bit. The walls were oozing with colorful streaks. Everything looked and felt drizzly and acidic. I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable, so I put the Clone Wars cartoons back on for distraction.
I was exhausted. I have trouble sleeping with any visual or auditory stimulation, but I had to keep the cartoons on or else I would freak out. Eventually, I turned off the monitor but kept the sound of the cartoon on at very low volume so that I'd have something to keep me distracted from my own thoughts. I turned off the lights to minimize the effect of altered visual perception. Finally, I drifted off to sleep.
All in all, it was an amazing experience. The come-up was worth the less pleasant peak. Marijuana usually increases paranoia for me, whereas acid diminished it. However, as time progresses, marijuana gets more benign as I get used to it, and then I come down. With acid, which can last for a very, very long time depending on the person, a good come-up can lead to a long, drawn out, and unpleasant trip. But everyone is different. My second acid trip, which I may document later, was more intense and a lot less enjoyable, but very interesting in retrospect.
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