Social Me / Robot M.
Citation: E. Kale. "Social Me / Robot M.: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp61886)". Erowid.org. Apr 2, 2007. erowid.org/exp/61886
I started taking adderall a year after graduating high school. I found myself after high school, landing a job as a pot smoking janitor cleaning up after parole officers and lawyers. I noticed all of these people who were making 5 times more then I was, had one thing in common, bachelors degrees. So I knew I had to get back in school.
I joined a commmunity college and my room mate introduced me to a 20 mg pill of adderall. At first the experience was great and made test taking and writing 20 page papers a breeze. After I was paying my room mate 5 dollars a pill I found it much easier to obtain a prescription myself. I saw a doctor and succeeded in obtaining 60 mg a day.
Taking adderall gave me the ability to never go to class, cram for 3 days straight on adderall, and get an A on the test. I'm working on my second degree now. However before thinking that this is some sort of fairytale drug. There is an ugly downside.
First issue is tolerance: before a 20 mg pill would have me goin all night writing a 20 page paper. Now to get that effect, it takes me at least 100 mg. Which is not a big deal for me.
The ugliest side of this drug is that, while I may become a super genius, it takes away the part of me that is social. Making me an empty robot of a man. (It takes away the ability to make jokes, talk to the pretty girl sitting next to me in class, the ability to make friends.) I often feel paranoid attending class, feel as though people are talking about me or not sitting next to me on purpose. And when a teacher calls on me, I will just say something rather agressive.
However when not on the drug for a week or so, and its out of my system, I talk to people around me, make friends, and joke about teachers with surrounding students. But, then when finals come around and I have to start taking the drug again, the same people in class who are expecting 'social me' get quiet paranoid 'robot me'.
In keeping this secret from my girlfriend, she wonders why I'm 2 completely different people week to week, she wants to break up with me when I'm 'robot me' cause thats who I am half the time.
Even my parents see two different people and notice me ignoring them and now think I'm an asshole.
I feel as though now I cannot pass a class without the use of the drug. And at the same time I cannot have valid relationships while on it.
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