Citation: Max Power. "Holly Amnesia: An Experience with Lorazepam & Alcohol (exp61273)". Erowid.org. Apr 28, 2007. erowid.org/exp/61273
I have always built tolerances to prescription meds pretty fast. Lorazepam was no exception. The average dose (2mg) worked once for me and then did nothing. I experimented a few times within the 2mg-5mg range. Still nothing. I had a prescription for it but never took it because, well, it didnít work. So I had a lot left.
(I do not remember much of this experience but this is all that I remember and then I was told what happened)
2PM: I hadnít eaten anything for about a week and was starting to feel sick and very weak. I took 4mg of lorazepam. I tried to eat a bit of something and thing I managed to keep down a slice of toast. I drank one can of beer. At this point I was feeling good. I no longer felt sick or weak. I got a bit of a buzz off the beer but was not feeling the lorazepam.
4 to 6PM: I went to one of my weekly meetings and brought another can of beer with me disguised in a green tea bottle. I took another 4mg of lorazepam and drank the bottle during the meeting. By the end I was feeling pretty tipsy and goofy which doesnít happen to me off of just 2 beers.
6:30PM: I got home and started to feel even more weak and sick. I thought it was from finally eating and drinking something after a week (which was probably true). I was starting to get shaky and wobbly. I decided to just ignore this and watch TV.
10PM: My inability to walk properly didnít look like it was because I was drunk, it looked more like I was very ill and too weak. My mom asked what was up and I told her how I had just eaten something and my body wasnít handling it well. She was on her way to bed and said to me ďif it gets any worse tell me and Iíll take you to the hospital.' Being the self-destructive person that I am, I took this as an invitation to just fuck myself up.
(Here is where the amnesia starts to kick in)
11PM: I went upstairs to my room and I donít really know what was going on, but I know for a fact that I drank another beer and took 1mg of lorazepam. I am a self-injurer and I donít remember it but I had cut my arm fairly seriously. (I had apparently done some nerve damage because to this day I still donít have feeling in part of my arm.) I wrapped it up and went to my momís room and she later told me that I said ďI canít walk anymore. Can you take me to the hospital?Ē And she did.
11:30PM: At this point my memory of what happened consists of pieces of images and a few words here and there. We got to the hospital and from what Iíve heard I had absolutely no ability to stand up on my own. I had to be wheeled in sitting in a wheelchair. I got to the ER front dest and told the nurse that I had injured myself and needed stitches and couldn't walk anymore because I wasn't eating.
4AM: The doctor stitched me up. It was also the same doctor who had done my stitches 2 weeks prior to this event so he insisted that I had to speak to the crisis team. My mom left to go speak to my psychiatrist upstairs. While waiting I popped the remaining 3mg of lorazepam in fear of being admitted and being searched resulting in them taking it away. Crisis told me that I had to be admitted and if I refused, they weíre going to have to call security. At this point I was really upset and yelling and swearing and just freaking out because I have been admitted to the psych unit too many times and really did not want to be admitted again.
They said we would take a break for me to calm down and suggested I go out for a cigarette to help me relax. I agreed and wheeled myself out. Instead of going out for a smoke I wheeled myself to the elevators and up to the floor where my psychiatrist and mom weíre. I know I was furious and planning to yell my ass off.
Around 8AM?: I got off the elevator and found my mom waiting and began to freak out telling her that they weíre going to admit me. My psychiatrist showed up and wheeled me into his office where he then placed chairs around me so I couldnít wheel myself away. I was told that I started swearing at him and yelling some more. At one point I was so angry that I tried to get up and leave to go home (stupid idea). I took one step towards the door and then started to collapse. My doctor caught me and carried me back to my wheelchair and then wheeled me into the unit. He lifted me up onto my bed and he sat on the bed with me to try to talk to me. I was told that I fell asleep right away.
The next three days I do not remember at ALL but I do remember waking up with a band aid on the inside of my elbow indicating that they had done a blood test. It was also after 3 days that I first noticed I had cut myself. That was pretty shocking. No one mentioned me taking any pills but they did mention that I was drunk which I then denied saying thereís no way I would ever get drunk off of 3 beers.
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