Citation: ASB. "The Eternal Nightmare: An Experience with Salvia divinorium (20x extract) (exp61190)". Erowid.org. Dec 3, 2009. erowid.org/exp/61190
My day had not started off great, as I had just failed my driving test, so my mindset was not very productive. My friend T had gotten his hands on some 20x (I think T said 21x, I can't remember) Salvia extract, and invited myself and a friend to go and smoke it. I am not a fan of hallucinogens, and had additionally been completely sober for the last year as I had gotten out of rehab. I decided to try Salvia because it was legal, it wouldn't come up on a drug test, and I had wanted to try it back when I was actively using marijuana, alcohol and cocaine.
When my friend C and I reached T's house, I realized that I had not eaten all day, I also take a number of anti-depressants/anti-psychotics, and have been diagnosed as depressed and anxious, but I chose to forget all of this and try the salvia. We entered his bedroom, where the tv and computer were both on, as well as the lights. It seemed comfortable enough, and T began to load the bowl. T's brother was to be the sober sitter.
C went first, and she took a large hit from the water bong that T had just loaded up. She immediately explained that she hated the taste, but went ahead and finished the bowl. Within 20 seconds she was acting very giggly and happy, commenting on how it felt like an intensified version of weed. Then she began to hit me playfully, saying I 'looked at her wrong', she seemed like she was really enjoying it.
I went next, and T told me how he was giving me more than C (since I was obviously bigger, I'm 6'2 and 165 lbs). I hit the water bong, and contrary to what C said, enjoyed the minty taste, but coughed some out. I took another rip without coughing and held the smoke in for as long as I could, probably over 30 seconds. T told me to go sit on the bed quickly, so I did so. Like C, I immediately felt very floaty, and lightheaded - this sensation lasted for about half a minute, and then I noticed a quickly rising sound pattern, a tick-tick ting, and I was gone.
I felt an extreme pressure, and it was like my body was ripped in two. The last thing I consciously remember is kneeling down like I was at church, as the sensation was so strong. All of a sudden there were 1,000 versions of the same room before me, all of a postcard size. It was like a huge kaliedoscope, and every picture was identical. It was then that I began to panic. I felt like everything was 'fake', and that I was in a nightmare - I seriously thought I was dreaming. I shook my body violently to try and rid myself of the feeling, but the only thing that went away was the kaleidoscope of pictures. I tried to stand, and then the world morphed again. It was like my vision was flipping like book pages, or like I was stuck in a weird mirror that had no exit, I had this intense feeling that this was how I would feel for the rest of my life, and that this was all a nightmare that would never end.
I vaguely remember wanting to go to a hospital to get 'fixed', I thought my mind was permenentaly broken. I forgot where I was, and who I was with, everything was just a set. The room and all the people were completely new to me, and I had never seen them before. This world where I was now was where I had always been, and always would be, but I did vaugely remember some other world that was different and happy. I again stumbled, and noticed the door to the hallway (through the 'book page' vision). I became convinced that if I went down the stairs and out of the house, the nightmare would end, and maybe I could find my way out and back to the normal world. The house was fake, but outside it had to be real. I was heading for the door, when C gently put me on the floor. She tried to tell me where I was and why I was there, but it just did not 'compute', she was just a piece of plastic or something. My anxiety increased, and I began to raise my voice about 'getting downstairs'. C sat on my legs so that I could not move, and began to calm me down by whispering that everything was okay and that it would all end soon.
I began to slowly calm down, but was fascinated by the stripes on C's shirt. And as I began to focus on them (they were shining or moving) and actually breathe, my mind slowly came back. At first I still didn't know where I was, and all the people in the room were just 'dolls' or something. But then I began to remember that I had taken Salvia, and it all began to make sense again. I finally reached a somewhat controlled state, but my vision was still 'flipping' (less intensely at this point). I was violently trying to hold my mind still, because I did not want to go back into that picture nightmare world. For a few minutes, I felt petrified, like I was going back again, but I focused as hard as I could, fighting my racing thoughts, I slowly came back into reality. Even after I remembered most everything, I was still very high - my vision was jumpy, and everything was brighter and had a kind of gold tint to it. I was feeling very hot, and was sweating alot from my forehead. I approached T's brother, and almost forgot his name, but remembered and told him I was going out for a cigarette. As I sat and smoked, I began to laugh and feel giggly, and was fascinated with the embers at the end of my cigarette. It felt good to be in the cool night air. I finished my cigarette and went inside, but the cold of the outside seemed to stay with me, and I was cold for the following 45 minutes to an hour.
For the rest of the night I had a kind of irritable feeling (I lost my cell phone and for awhile was convinced it was stuck back in the nightmare Salvia world, so this may have caused it), and felt slightly lightheaded. The next day I still felt sort of weird, but it wore off. However, I must say that for awhile (both the day after I smoked it and the day after that), I had moments (3-4 seconds) where I was very afraid that all of a sudden I would go back to the Salvia world, on the edge of a panic attack - this may have been due to my anxiety and depression problems.
I definintely had a bad trip on Salvia, but I found it personally valuable, and do not regret trying it. I am not sure if I would do it again, but I wouldn't write it off the page. This was definitely the strongest drug experience I've ever had, and I think that Salvia is in a true league of its own, I've never been so disassociated from reality before.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.