DOSE:	repeated	insufflated	Heroin	(daily)
	repeated	IV	Heroin	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

142 lb

I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs to anyone who is about to take heroin for there first time. I wish I could just scoop them up, and save them. Heroin is too good. It makes every little anxiety deep down just wash away, any problem, any disaster, any hurt, gone with the needle that you chuck out side your car or throw into a bush.. All my life I always felt like there was something missing in my life. Some empty whole that couldnt be filled even with a relationship, friendship, or a case of corona. Nothing fit. I tried heroin for the first time when I was 16. I was sitting in my room with two friends, B and L. B had been telling me how good heroin was, and that I should try it or I would be missing out. I was hesitant for awhile, thinking 'what if I get addicted?', 'what if I overdose?' I was scared. After long talks with my friend B the questions about heroin changed to 'just once' and 'you only get one life.' B took out the dope from L's pocket. She took out one bag and broke me out a line. I didnt know what to expect. I never tried it before and for some reason I thought heroin was like being extremely drunk and I didnt know how good it made you feel. When it finally went up my nose I didnt know what the feeling was I just felt light headed. I eventually felt a feeling of peace, gratitude, love, perfection, and every good feeling I have ever felt in my life mixed into one feeling. It was diffrent though, it wasnt a harsh feeling like extacy. It was smooth love. Relaxed happyness. My hole inside felt filled, and I was confused yet happy. I've been a shy girl and always felt uncomfortable about my quietness, but all of a sudden I felt able to feel comfortable with my words and comfortable within my own skin.

I tried Heroin a couple times after that. Always doing little amounts, and feeling good. Months later I found myself doing it everyday. When I got addicted I always came up with ideas in my head like 'I'll stop next month', 'I'm only doing it because I'm bored', 'I can stop if I wanted to', and so on and so forth. I wish people knew these things before they took addicting drugs like heroin. Anyone can get addicted, no one has a magic shield around them allowing them not to get addicted to drugs. Once the fill that hole, one will never want that hole to be be empty again.

Years past and I was still on the drug. I found myself Shooting a bundle a day, never being satisfied and always trying to feel normal. My friends thought I was scum, my mom was crying every day, I was stealing from the people I love, my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me, and I was always sick. 'heroin mad', as I like to call it is when I get really irritated from the drug and I'm always in a bad mood and yelling at people when I get high. And trust me, its not a good personality trait to be stuck with.

See guys, Heroin feels amazingly good but its just not worth all of the problems it causes. It fills the hole, but in the end, it makes the hole and the need to do heroin to fix my emptiness inside ten times bigger. I finally kicked the habit, but it took alot of hard work, a lot of crying, and alot of relapses. A needle and a bag of dope shouldnt be what defines me. It feels good to FEEL again since quiting. To know what emotions are real, and which ones are fake and werent even there in the first place. Getting high on heroin isnt worth the pain I put myself in and all the people around me that care about me. I hope my experience helps someone else, and remember filling the hole isnt good enough compared to fixing it.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 61165
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 19, 2020	Views: 991
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Heroin (27) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)