Citation: Summer. "The Closest to Death I Have Ever Felt: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp60459)". Erowid.org. Oct 16, 2007. erowid.org/exp/60459
Curiousity led me to try it. I had gone to the smoke shop to buy a new pipe the night before. I noticed the salvia inside the showcase, but I told myself not to buy it yet. I was hesitant because I'd heard so many stories of bad trips. I once heard of guy who saw his dead grandmother. He said that her skin fell off. I'd also heard less scary stories but still bazaar experiences nonetheless. My friend warned me about it, but the curiousity was eating away at me ever since I bought the pipe. I returned the following afternoon to buy it. One of my roommates was here when I got back. She had never heard of salvia. I explained to her what I've been told about it, and I wanted her to watch me do it in case something bad happened. I had never taken a hallucinogen before this incident, so I had no idea what to expect. I figured I would have some sort of vision or see nonexistent things. I thought I would be able to sit back and escape reality for a few minutes. I was very wrong.
I packed the salvia neatly into my pipe and set it on the table. I told her that we could watch Wonder Showzen. I thought it would enhance the experience. It's pretty much the most twisted show ever created. Full of sarcasm, social commentary, and most of all cruel reality. I was quite excited to watch it during my trip. I popped in the dvd and proceeded to smoke my pipe by the balcony. I slid open the door to blow the smoke outside. I took my first hit, released, and stood still for a few seconds. I wanted to turn around to tell my roommate that salvia is bull because I didn't feel a thing. I stifled my comment and stared at the pine tree in front of me. I thought if the salvia started working its magic that the tree would turn into something crazy.
I wanted to give it a chance, so I took a second hit. I don't know if I was doing it improperly because I didn't have anyone experienced to direct me. I inhaled it like weed and held it in for ten good seconds. As I exhaled I could've sworn my brain hit the back of skull. A wave rushed over my head, and I stumbled backward. I turned around and tried to look at my roommate. She was sitting on the couch, but I couldn't see her. Everything was so unclear. I tried to walk slowly. Instead I rushed to sit down in panic. She though I was faking it. I was trying not to alarm her, or what I thought was her. I was there next to her, but I was just a shell. I looked out into an unfamiliar, blurry distortion of what I thought existed. I expected to see crazy random things. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. I couldn't see anything at all. It was a kaleidoscope so intricate that the pieces were not visible to the naked eye. It was as if a computer took all of its pixels and scrambled them into some random configuration.
I could make out certain things through relative space. I could hear the tv loud and clear. I wanted to close the lid to the salvia before I spilled it everywhere. I completed that task. I also put the pipe back in its protector. I stuffed it in there still half full of salvia. I wasn't aware. I just didn't want to leave anything for my roommate to clean up. My roommate had gotten up, but at the time I didn't know it. She was spraying the room to get rid of the smell. I had no idea that she had done that until after the trip.
I saw her eyes focused on me. She was standing up next to the couch. She asked if I wanted to be taken to the doctor. She turned into a giant spinning blur. It was like an excellerated version of the Disneyland tea cups. She wouldn't stay still. I could only see her eyes. She told me that I stared at her blankly. I blurted out 'no'. It was all that I could gather enough thought to say. She asked me a question. I don't what she asked me, but I thought she kept repeating it. I couldn't understand what I was being asked. I know that I tried to tell her - You keep asking me the same question over and over, but I can't understand it right now. It didn't come out right. My motor skills were shot. Panicking that she was going to try to take me outside (shudder), I slammed my hand on the couch and yelled - NO! Sit down.
I could see the tv screen come in and out of focus. I saw the little boy punching the meat at the butcher's shop. That wasn't a hallucination, that was really the show. It scared me even though I had seen the episode more than once. I stood up in a frenzy looking around. I thought my bed would fix it. I felt worse when I stood. It felt like the sudden falling sensation that causes me to gasp and my head to jolt right as I'm about to fall asleep sometimes. It was worse than that. The sensation was neverending in addition to being amplified ten fold. I told her I was going to my room in an akward way. I wanted to say bed, but the word was nonexistent in my new vocabulary.
As I entered the room my b/f called me. I heard my phone in my purse. I ran over to it. I couldn't find it. I threw my keys out. I was panting. I soon realized that I was suffocating. I didn't want to talk, but he would get mad if I ignored the call. I finally found the the phone and answered it. I don't know how I managed this, but I climbed into my loft bed with the phone in my hand. I can barely do that when I'm sober. I flopped onto my stomach. I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating that he called me or if it was real. I tried to seem as normal as possible because I knew he wouldn't approve of what I was doing. I could barely hear his voice. I told him I was lying down. I asked if I could call him back later and hung up.
The bed didn't fix me. I was uncomfortable. I'm normally a cold person. I always have chills, but I was boiling. I was suffocating and on fire. I heard the phrase - STAB YOU, STAB YOU, STAB YOU! on Wonder Showzen. My roommate was still watching it in the other room. That was last thing I need to hear. I started writhing on my bed. I decided it would be better to get up. I literally leaped out of the bed to the floor. Keep in mind that my bed is practically next to the ceiling. I pretty much jumped seven feet off of my bed with distorted perception and no sense of my surroundings. Luckily I wasn't injured. I didn't even feel it. I rushed into the room where my roommate was watching the show. I yelled at her to turn it off. I didn't mean it to sound rude. I couldn't get anything out but the simplest of commands. It was like I had become temporarily retarded. I didn't want to hear the show because it was scaring me. Then I got an idea.
I would feel better if I emersed myself in water. I fumbled around to the bathroom. After I finally got the hang of the light switch I forgot why I was in there. I turned it off and ran out. I'm glad I didn't do what I intended to do. I was going to try to take a cold shower. Nevermind that I was wearing a shirt, a sweater, a belt, jeans, and red leather shoes. I went over to my roommate's room to try to apologize. The words wouldn't come out right, but I think I got the idea across. That falling thing wouldn't stop as long as I was standing. I told her that I was going to my room. I meant to say bed, but of course everything I said sounded like gibberish anyway. I ran back to my room and turned the light off. I ripped off my pants like I was in the NBA. Then I whipped off my belt, threw off my sweater, and kicked off my shoes.
I can't sleep with doors open. I tried to close my closet. It wouldn't close. I jumped up and down trying to force it. I was losing it. Then I realized that one of my shoes was lodged between the doors. I removed it and slammed the doors in fury. I began to climb up to bed. I went to pull the sheet back but ended up ripping up the sheet that covers the mattress too. I flipped out. Bunched up sheets and ruffled covers are one of my HUGE pet peeves. I yanked the sheet down into submission. It was going to be tucked around the mattress if it was the last thing I would ever accomplish. After my epic battle versus the sheet I crawled into bed and covered my head. I rolled back and forth trying to rid myself of this intensity. It lasted almost twenty minutes total. I kept thinking 'Why do people do this to themselves? Will it ever end?' That was the moment I realized that I had actually done something to cause this mindless, panicked state. I didn't realize I had been on salvia. I instantly felt better in ten minutes.
This trip made me appreciate life. I have never in my life been so panicked and scared. I had never felt so close to death. I thought I was stuck that way. I've read and heard about many people's experiences with salvia, but I've never heard anything like what happened to me. That's some powerful shit. I had never imagined that anything could ever feel like that. It was a feeling that I can't put into words. It was a terrible and tragic new dimension full of vague figures and failed communication. I do not recommend that to anyone. I don't know if I would ever do that again. That shit should be illegal.
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