Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: bickoma. "The Yin Yang - A Symbol of Life: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp60337)". Erowid.org. Feb 26, 2007. erowid.org/exp/60337
The Introduction - January 12
My interest in psychoactive (especially psychedelic) substances was sparked when a T.V. news report on the use of oxycodone among young adults when I was around 9 or 10 years old. I was instantly intrigued by the fact of altering your own mind with a chemical compound.
Fast forward a few years. I am in the 7th grade, 12 years old, and I stumble upon something intriguing - Erowid. I began to quickly learn the 'truth' of these substances, and not the D.A.R.E. propaganda distributed to us in flyers at assemblies. LSD, psilocybin, and mescaline were the first few psychoactives I researched. My learning moved onto the more obscure chemicals and plants - eventually to the 'research chemicals'. My interests grew as I read the dozens and hundreds of trip reports at Erowid and the Lycaeum on psychedelics.
I stumbled upon a website called Bluelight in mid-2004. While Erowid only had a limited amount of information at the time, I realized this forum community was full of people from all over the world with a common goal. I began to learn as much as I could, to educate myself, before I would be ready to begin a psychedelic experience.
While my journey of education, I quickly learned that peers and parents would be of no use. Both parties had already been brainwashed by D.A.R.E. propaganda, LSD caused you to see demons 99% of the time, resulting in genocide. My peers viewed LSD as something only 'insane' people would dose themselves with (which is slightly ironic, because it [should be] quite the opposite). Marijuana began being used by the masses by late 8th, early 9th grade.
Many people my age are trying to get their hands on anything they can to experience visuals. I know a few people who have spent months of their lives dedicated to dosing themselves with DXM strictly for the visuals. Don't get me wrong - I didn't think of psychedelics being a 'tool' from the start, but after my large amount of reading/research, I have realized that these substances allow people to better themselves. Psychedelics definitely have a legitimate purpose in life - whether that is with psychiatry, meditation, or simply for giving yourself the ability to 'free your mind'. It would be incredible to see decriminalization in my lifetime.
My goal with psychedelics is to expand my mindset and learn the truth about society and life. I've had dreams where the 'walls of reality' break down and allow me to see things for what they are. Imagine the world being on a 2D plane - there are boundaries, truths in front of hiding lies. Then imagine that you are able to pan up away from the 2D environment, and you are now on the 3D 'zone'. You may now look at things for what they are. To my understanding, I will experience this when I take my first psychedelic journey.
I have experienced lucid dreams in the past, but only on three or four occasions. Every single time was incredible - controlling my brain with ease was pleasurable and something unforgettable to me.
I attend an extremely conservative all-boys boarding school. My drug history is minimal. Sporadic marijuana usage and a couple of rare cases with prescription medication (Codeine 120mg once with minimal effects, just an overall good feeling and general numbness of extremities) is all I have under my belt. I hope this will be beneficial to my first psychedelic journey. It should be well documented, and I hope to capture my emotions and ideas on paper or audio/video.
The Report - January 14
WEIGHT: 109 pounds
SUBSTANCE: Psilocybe Cubensis
DOSE: 2.33 Grams
SHULGIN RATING: +++
LENGTH OF EXPERIENCE: +5:45
My memory of the trip is slightly blurry. It's as if it happened months ago. Events taking places before the mushrooms begin to take on completely new meaning - life is deeper than before.
This story will have to do with myself, a friend we will call B, and another friend we will call C.
The digital campus bell rang out. My clock read 9:00am.
My thoughts began racing - today was the day. Just last night, my eyes scanned a bag with a quarter ounce (7 grams) of Psilocybe Cubensis. 4 mushroom heads and about two dozen stems made my mouth salivate. These 7 grams were to be split three ways, which would amount to roughly 2.33 grams for everyone. B had experience with marijuana, and a single extremely low dose (.25-.5 grams) on mushrooms. C had experienced two Salvia divinorum trips, two mushroom trips, and marijuana usage.
Myself? I personally had minimal, sporadic marijuana usage (less than a dozen times). Besides lucid dreaming, I was definitely an extreme beginner to the altered states of mind. I was a little cautious of the dose I was taking. I knew I was a small guy, and I knew this wasn't a toy.
[ 10:20pm - T+0:00 ]
It is now 10:20AM. Two of us just finished off the mushrooms with a health drink. B is still finishing his up with difficulty.
We all take a walk to pass time and discover nature until we start coming up. I feel as if my inhibitions are leaving me. By 10:50, I'm definitely feeling high. Patterns start looking suspicious as I eye them up. Back in C's room, we play some video games as the mushrooms digest in our bodies. Massive amounts of giggling begin to erupt - we are soon laughing because we are laughing.
[ 11:40pm - T+1:20 ]
Everything begins to become wavy. Patterns begin to shift, dots in the ceiling begin to 'dance' as I concentrate. Everyone is gathered in the long hallway when B points out something astounding. By simply looking at the carpet, it begins to grow. Up and sideways - it's as if someone is stretching and skewing the end of the carpet. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas comes to mind.
As I stated before, it is difficult to recall my entire psychedelic journey. People began having multiple faces - as if pictures of faces were overlaid. I began to understand influence. A non-tripping friend took on the role of an angel in my mind, while another became the devil. Yin and the yang are understood. Prejudice, politics, infinity - all is understood. The blue eyes of a friend began to radiate as if they were radioactive. Each room had a different personality.
Communication is simple. Words begin losing their meaning. Why are the words becoming meaningless? We simply began communicating without words.
[ 12:30 - T+2:10 ]
I begin to peak. My thought patterns are as stable as an elephant on high doses of tranquilizers. Ideas are jumping left and right. Faces begin appearing. I look outside. The ends of the pine trees explode into fractal-like faces. I am beckoned to stare. Rocks turn into faces of all different nationalities. Wood grain began to flow like rivers. My carpet took on thousands of single inch faces that grew out several feet above the ground.
I cannot remember correctly, but at around this time I had an incredible experience with C. Although we were not speaking, our ideas flowed - there is no doubt in my mind that body language is read easily and effectively while under the influence of mushrooms.
[ 12:45 - T+2:25 ]
'Faces grow out of the rainnnn, when you're strangeeeeeee.'
Although it was raining, the visuals were still intense. The dirt seemed like opaque glass - the dirt was a glass barrier between two worlds. I watched faces and arms try to break through the glass from inside the earth. I explore the building. I see a person of authority and begin talking to him. The conversation lasted only seconds, but it was too incredibly intense for me. The outline of his face broke open and his face poured out. The hair on his head grew and tangled just as a tree would if a time-lapse video was being recorded over a dozen years.
I walk down the hall and walk up the steps. As I stated before that every room is a completely different universe, the same is true with levels in a building. My field of vision becomes saturated with color. As I take each step up, I feel as if I am being lifted up into another dimension. I feel a sense of a 'bigger meaning' to life. Everything becomes a blur here. Intensity. Intensity. Intensity. Intensity.
My hand melts into my keyboard as I attempt to login to my user account. I am greeted with my desktop, a psychedelic piece of digital art. A face blooms from it and looks at me, as if it were teaching me the meaning of life. My hands end up melting with a lot of things during my trip. It is like mushrooms allow me to 'become' an object for a temporary period of time.
As I closed my eyes to find closed eye visuals, I see rows of neon, rainbow colored Atari and Nintendo logos. When I close my eyes, I see a 'digital' or 'snapshot' version of what I was seeing with my eyes open.
Time flies. Literally. Every time I blink people are feet away from where they were last. I am in a trance. My memory and consciousness begin to fade. I pace my room as we play with our cell phones. I feel like I should talk to my family. No, wait, bad idea. I call several friends and explain my situation. As I breathe on objects they shrink and grow. My phone gets extremely small as I blow on it, and it feels like a child's toy.
[ 12:59 - T+2:39 ]
My alarm clock displays 12:59. I am laying in my bed, and C tells me that putting my face in my pillow is an incredible experience. My comforter flows over my body like a wave in the ocean. I can almost smell the ocean as I feel the movement on the back of my shirt. I am now in a void. A cave that was infinitely large and infinitely small. I understand the meaning of infinity - it is nothing and everything at the same exact time.
I begin feeling unpleasant. The mushrooms are overwhelming. Too overwhelming. I check the time again. It's still 12:59.
12:59. I check my clock at least one hundred times. This minute feels like an eternity. I feel sick. I hear high pitched squeals coming from my walls. The paint on my walls begin melting to reveal faces. Dozens of full sized faces stare at my frightened ego. My carpet's texture turns into faces. I'm seeing a lot of faces. Wow. Faces growing out of faces? Let's breathe.
From this point on, I remember very little. I remember moments from around 1:09, 1:25, and 1:50. I am so overwhelmed. I begin to recognize my 109 pound body couldn't handle the 2.33 grams of p. cubensis as easy as the more experienced 190 pound trippers. I took too much. Let it stop. 'I will come down. I will come down.' Evidently, during this time, I wondered down to C's room and had a 'deep intellectual conversation', involving a sober friend and trying to make him play hockey with a large penguin on a rug.
The fibers of reality begin to fray. My field of vision began ripping as if someone had begun tearing the 'film' from a projector. Time becomes meaningless. Perception is all that keeps my body from falling apart in the material world.
[ 2:35 - T+5:20 ]
I begin to become conscious. I am told by a sober friend that I freaked out for a few minutes, but it becomes apparent he over-reacted. I do not blame him for putting me in this situation, but he did not know any better. He was obviously not aware his words were scaring me as he tried to joke with me. His jokes were not funny and scared me. I am trapped. Everyone must know. I am trapped. My parents are waiting outside my room. The police are here. The police are here. I am trapped.
'Am I in danger?'
[ 3:00 - T+5:45 ]
Alright - I admit it. I freaked out. I took too much for my first time. I am beginning to come down, but I cannot distinguish reality from fiction. I soon realize what has happened. My positive experience turned into a negative (bad trip?) experience when I let my guard down. My judgement is still extremely altered. I still feel high, and the visuals are still there if I concentrate. The faces in the pine tree, mud, and tile are still extremely apparent.
The Aftermath - January 15
I lost my interest to write a trip report - words simply don't do justice to the experience. All of my friends want to know what the experience is like. What am I going to say to them? Learn the truth. Expand your mind. Change the world. There is nothing else in this world that has such positively affected me as a person in general. I am a better person tenfold by having this experience. Although I had both positive and negative parts of my psychedelic trip, I gained such an incredible amount of knowledge.
The biases of life were torn down. I was given a fresh start to the world.
But the real question is: Would I do it again?
And the answer is 'definitely'. Although I want to integrate this experience as greatly as possible, the experience is just so incredible, and I feel I need to revisit mushroom land in a better setting. I blame myself for the negative dip in my trip at 12:59. A boarding school where you are completely vulnerable to being caught tripping is not the best setting for a first psychedelic journey. I definitely took too much. I might have a sensitivity to psilocybin.
My advice for anyone wanting to become a better person is the following. Use psychedelics. Start low. I would have rather started with 1.75 grams and worked my way up. Wait for the right time. A positive setting is the best thing. I truly understand why there is 'magic' in 'magic mushrooms'. And unless a person has experienced them, they cannot begin to even fathom the depth of this experience.
Throughout my journey, I had a great time. This experience has been the single most memorable event in my life by far. I am a more balanced and understanding individual because of this. I comprehended the meaning of my life - equilibrium. Balance is everything - the yin and the yang symbolize life.
Tripping was fun. I'm looking forward to doing this again in a better setting.
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