Citation: White Stallion. "Beyond Reason: An Experience with Cocaine (exp60174)". Erowid.org. Jun 22, 2018. erowid.org/exp/60174
It's been about a year since the first time I injected cocaine intravenously, and I thought I should share my experience with others, as this was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I have been using drugs for about six or seven years and have experiences with most well-known substances, including cannabis, alcohol, benzodiazapines, LSD, mushrooms, cocaine, crack, heroin, amphetamines (dextro/meth), and all kinds of pharmaceutical opiates. I have smoked, snorted, eaten, and injected drugs, and have managed to avoid any kind of serious addiction to any (aside from a short-lived fixation with cocaine that may or may not be considered an addiction).
Anyway, I was home from college on winter break about a year ago hanging out with some friends when one said that she knew where to get coke. It had been almost two years since I had done it, and I thought 'why not? Sounds like fun.' Plus, at only $40 a gram, it was the cheapest offer I had ever been given. After the usual run-around, my friend managed to acquire a teener for me. I snorted a little bit that night, but not much, since the experience had become 'new' again and I didn't want to do anything too stupid. Basically I did a couple of small lines, went home at about 2 in the morning, and fell asleep.
The next morning when I awoke I remembered that I had the coke, so I decided to do some. A year prior to this I had began experimenting with IV injection, particularly with dilaudid, and was very impressed with the results. For anyone who has ever done an IV injection of dilaudid, you know exactly what I'm talking about, but that's another story. The point is that I was curious about the effects of injected cocaine, so I decided to go the pharmacy and pick up some syringes. When I returned home I cooked up a VERY small amount (maybe a sixteenth of a gram or so), loaded it into a syringe, found a vein in my arm, took a deep breath, and injected...
After about five seconds or so, I noticed a rush of energy to my brain. It's very hard to describe, but all I could really think about at the time is that it was not so much a physical rush (as with dilaudid) but a mental sensation. The other thing I noticed was that my heart began pounding rapidly. At first I was not so distressed by this, but after a few more seconds I realized that my heart rate was getting faster and faster. It was at this point that I panicked. 'My heart is going to explode!' I thought. On top of that, by this point the head rush was so intense that I felt like I was going to vomit profusely. I was sitting alone in my room, completely rushed on cocaine, and I was certain that I was going to die right there. I clutched my chest and rocked back and forth, nervously praying for the moment that my heart rate would peak and then subside again. The desire to vomit drifted away after a minutes or so, and my heart rate began to slow down. I let go of my chest and breathed a sigh of relief. I so was happy to have lived through the experience.
I will never forget that day. Never in my life have I believed so honestly that I was going to die as the day that I first injected cocaine. I know people who inject a quarter of a gram at a time, and I cannot even conceive of how they derive any enjoyment from the experience (let alone how they LIVE through it). Injecting cocaine is perhaps the most panic inducing thing I have ever deliberately put myself through.
Injecting cocaine is perhaps the most panic inducing thing I have ever deliberately put myself through.
After my initial experience, I became convinced that I could avoid the panic of the rush and actually enjoy the high, which led me to try again about four more times or so. How wrong I was. I learned quickly that for me there is absolutely no enjoyment in IV cocaine. It has made me more aware of the fact that there are boundaries to everything, and that what is fun in moderation can be absolutely horrifying if taken to excess. It has been about a year since this experience, and I have no intention of ever repeating it again for as long as I live.
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