Citation: Tdickenson. "Brain Dead: An Experience with Ecstasy & Paroxetine (Paxil) (exp5972)". Erowid.org. Mar 31, 2001. erowid.org/exp/5972
I just recently experimented with the drug ecstacy. My friends had done it several times before me and reported back to me that there was no feeling like it. We (my friends and I) have all done acid, mushrooms, and smoked pot more than our fair share. After doing shrooms, good shrooms, I didn't think there could be a better high. So, I had to try the 'heavenly' drug. I never knew I could make such a mistake.
Upon purchasing the four pills(one for my friend, one for his girl, one for my girl, and one for me) I had a feeling of power. The triple stacked, orange, pill had the picture of a tulip on it. It looked very potent, and was rumored to be very potent, so my girlfriend and I decided to just take a half of one. We took the pill around 9 P.M., my friends did the same. We got in my car and started on our way to the local Wal Mart. When I got out of my car to enter the store I felt like the wind was going to blow me down. My world started spinning and breathing became very difficult to me. My friends felt nothing at the time and insisted on proceeding into the store. I did so, and it was a mistake. We got back to the electronics and I had such an overwhelming, unexplainable feeling that I had to run out of the store. My friends followed me.
We left the store and went to my girlfriend's house because her mother works nightshift and we could be alone. Please understand that my girlfriend had never experienced any kind of high, not even marijuana. Well, she got mad at me and went up to her room, cut the lights off, and said she was going to sleep. Hearing her say that just totally threw me off into a world of confusion and darkness. I didn't understand how she could sleep, I felt so wired, dizzy, and disoriented. I thought I had a bad hit of ecstacy.
Meanwhile, my friend and his girl remained downstairs. My girl flipped me out so badly that I had to head down stairs and hang with them. I walked down the stairs and heard some techno music playing. They were dancing and having a good time. I joined in, relieved that they were feeling the same way as me. About that time the two of them sat down and said, 'Man this sucks, I am not rolling.' Oh man, did I ever get upset and scared then.
I took off out the door and was going to walk. I don't know where I was going, all I knew was I had to go somewhere. My friend followed me, he told me that he felt the same way I did and talked me down a little. I went back in and began to have a little fun. We danced, and my friend and his girlfriend began to feel the effect, we were officially rolling. Finally, I walked upstairs to check on my girlfriend. She was sitting there in a cold chill, her pupils made up her whole eye. At that point I knew she didn't feel comfortable.
She doesn't like drugs, and she was upset at the way she felt. I have never been able to open up to her, but at that moment I just let it all pour out. I began to tell her how much I loved her and that I would give up all drugs for her. I told her I wanted to marry her, and then I started to realize what the true meaning of life is. Life is about having kids, being married, having a family. I began to tell her all of that information as I sat there with the thought of my wasteful life running through my head.
Then, we grasped each other and hugged and my friend came upstairs and told me he couldnt stand it there anymore that we had to go ride around. At that point I knew none of our minds were right, and we were in for a wild night. We got to my car, buckled up, and I drove to the nearest golf course. We just drove around the small roads made by the golf carts and talked. It seemed as if everything was in slow motion. I watched the individuals around me, they were touching each others noses and faces while I was driving. I felt like I belonged in a mad house, but knew my state of mind was temporary (so I thought). I had a feeling of power when I was driving, like no one could touch me.
I recall saying to my friend, 'Hey man, this drug would be the best cure for depression'. He replied by saying I told you so. We drove around the golf course and decided to leave, but I had a little something up my sleeve. Right when we were leaving I hit the green and did a doughnut right in the middle of it. Everyone started shouting and I would swear to it that my face was melting. It felt as if everything were in slow motion as I watched the world spin around as my car straightned out and hit the main road again. We were on our way, heat blasting and radio up. My friends wouldn't allow me to roll my window down, even though I was so hot I thought I was going to die. They told me you roll harder if you stay warm, so I listened to them. [erowid note: MDMA causes the body to lose its ability to regulate its own temperature properly, its important to keep the body at normal temperatures to avoid heatstroke. There is also evidence that higher body temperatures may exacerbate the neurotoxic effects.]
Then my whole life changed. I suddenly felt as if the drug had worn off, like it was totally gone. My friends argued that they were still rolling so I took them and dropped them off at their vehicle and told them to be careful. I asked my girlfriend if she was in shape to go home and she said yes. We came to my house and my parents were still up. Thats when I realized my girl was in no shape to be around my parents. She was saying some off the wall stuff and my head was spinning in a circle.
My 'rents finally went to bed, then the sickness sunk in. My girlfriend and I got sick at the same time. We both took off to the bathroom and started gagging. She puked and I was so amazed when I saw her upchuck. It was a pale orange color, but, it had green spiral shapes all in it. I still have no idea what they were. I puked, it was blue with one or two black, spiral shapes in it. After puking for a while, we came to my room and layed down, everything still spinning for the both of us. My girlfriend dosed off and I was left there, all alone in my own world of entrapment. My mind state was very frantic, I thought I was going to die. I was so sick to my stomach and my head was throbbing.
Finally, I dozed off. The next morning I woke, just to feel worse than I ever have in my entire life. The back of my neck and head was swollen, and I just felt like death had hit me. Monday I felt the same, Tuesaday a little worse, Wednesday rolled along and I still felt bad, Thursday, sick, and here I sit right now typing this letter.
I still feel sick in my brain. For those who haven't experienced it, I can't begin to tell you how bad of a feeling it is to be sick in the brain. I was not emotionally stable upon taking the ecstacy pill, I was not prepared, I was taking paxil, and I was depressed. So overall, that is the moral of my story. Do not do ecstacy unless you want to, if you have any doubts I would advise to just stay away from it. My friend and my girl are fine a week after intake, but, I still find myself staring off into space wondering if I will live or die.
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