Citation: Baker. "A Message from Heaven: An Experience with LSD (exp59273)". Erowid.org. Jan 25, 2007. erowid.org/exp/59273
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After getting lost and spending a couple hours trying to double back on ourselves we arrived at the venue of a doof (psy trance bush festival) by about 4:30. Before settling down for a bit we decided to explore the venue and bumped into a couple of friends who we brought back to the campsite and smoked a bit of weed with to relax into the beautiful surrounding scenery. The weed helped set the mood as we all sat around feeling relaxed, joking about the irony and beauty of life. Fast forward to chilling out and getting to know a few doofers it was starting to get dark so we headed in to see a Shpongle set by Simon Posford. This is where I was undecided on which or whether I would be taking drugs. My friend ended up buying a few tabs so we split them between us. So apparently we ate approximately 200-300ug of LSD according to the dealer and other doofers/users opinions (of course you never really know, but it's nice to have at least some idea).
Within about 10 minutes I began noticing slight visual disturbances and a increase in energy, I began developing an acid tongue (where the flavour of my mouth changes according to the taste the acid often leaves behind caused by its perceptual disturbance). I sat down with my friend talking about our friendship and our relationship as I came up, what motivates us about our life and why we are where we are. Before I knew it, an hour had gone by (I didnít have a clock or any reference of time on me, so I donít have any real idea of how long anything took other then my usual psychedelic suspicion based on dj set times and the position of the moon in the sky). I suddenly snap out of a trance to realise I've become lost by the trails and patterns the fire twirlers have left behind as they dance in front of me. This is where it hits me, and I realise the acid is beginning to peak as I've just started experiencing some fairly strong ego loss.
I am suddenly full of energy and decide that I have to move, or else the excess energy might turn foul. I stand up and realise that my inner child feels a lot smaller then my outside body, like there is a child wanting to bounce around inside this huge body that doesn't quite make sense with my perceived ego that appears to keep changing in size and significance. Before I got used to the constant sensation of feeling 10 feet tall and on stilts, and then 2 feet tall, stumbling all around the place was inevitable. I quickly told my friend I had to work off some of my energy and needed to do this on my own, paranoid about offending her, I tried to explain but just decided it was easier I just walked off and if I needed to I would explain my mindstate later.
Iím walking around and the energy within me is quite intense that Iím actually shaking a fair bit, so I dance around like a hippy with too much energy and no stern control over his limbs, before heading out into this beautiful open grassy field between the arenas and bump into another one of my friends. We sit down and have a chat about our perspectives on life and the psychedelic headspace begins to react as we start communicating through the pronunciation of the words we use rather then the words themselves. We even began conversing without opening our mouths, in a sort of body language/aura/empathic form of transcendental understanding.
The trip was starting to hit me really hard now (about 2.5 hours in), I am starting to see peoples history's and futures as they walk past us laying on the grass. It's as if, I can see them contemplating their own existence (probably because they're on a dose of LSD), but for example, looking at one person walk past, it was as though I knew if someone had come from overseas and could see them questioning what Australia meant to them, what the earth meant to them and what they planned on doing in the future to attain a higher sense of belonging to the earth (It felt as though I could travel into their memories and feel some Irish heritage, I hadn't spoken to them, but I got a strong Irish vibe from the thought sensations that they provoked with in me.
Typically on a good dose of psychedelics I can look at people walk past and as when they're by themselves I seem to understand them better, when they're in a group, often the conversation is most probably superficial and therefore harder to grab hold of their inner feelings through an aura, body language, posture/facial expressions. Although even then, as I saw at the doof, some individuals were walking with people while the others were talking and it was as if you could see their chakras as they got lost in self contemplation while their friends talked consistently.
I was laying on the grass next to my friend on this nice lush green slope looking at the trees. It was intense watching them as appeared to fold into themselves and form into huge fractal patterns, overlapping and swallowing up fractal patterns in the rest of my surrounding environment. I looked up at the sky and watched the clouds making beautiful fractal rainbows that shone down on my face. I looked at my friend and I could see 3 different coloured cone perspectives of my friend, red green and blue. His face appeared to mutate into rainbows between these three coloured perspectives like I had just seen happen to the clouds, kind of like wearing 3D glasses. We start communicating quite vibrantly again without talking, almost as if it was all entirely telepathic (if you have the imagination to believe in that, as I sure did in that mindstate).
I started exploring the universe as if it was merely two opposites that have created everything, light and darkness... chaos and order. I feel myself leaving my body I am completely ready to die at this point as it feels as though death is just a part of the never ending cycle of life. Death can be treated as a blessing. I am happy and content I may repeat this life forever but at least I know I can enjoy it, and that is what i'm doing right now and will make sure I do it if it's my destiny to live this life or any other life for the rest of eternity. There is no reason to be stressed and fearful, as if you don't fear anything, you can't be afraid of death. If you don't fear death, there's nothing to be stressed about.
It felt as though I'd opened the door to the edge of the universe and I could easily step over and reach enlightenment. Although my body would be left behind as a vegetable, my friend seemed to understand exactly what I was thinking about. He looked over at me and tells me 'don't'. I think ďfuck that, as if Iíd leave all these beautiful people behind without giving them any direction on how to find this place, or sharing my findings and tell other people that this place existsĒ. My friend said 'thanks' as if he could see what I saw or something along those lines, It didn't feel as though he quite felt what I was feeling, but the energy I felt coming from his body felt quite intensely profound, but perhaps just in a slightly different direction.
Our other friends saw us laying on the grass and decided to head over to join us in our peacefulness but it felt as though they didn't quite reach the same understanding again (they werenít tripping nearly as hard though and seemed as though they still held a fear of letting go and succumbing to the full power of their trip ... bearing in mind that their dose was also significantly lower, being inexperienced and only taking half a tab) I had virtually no mindfuck but was able to understand the empathy of everyone around especially when these two guys walked up and made a joke about the two friends who werenít tripping without even using their mouth. The fact that I seemed to understand the humour in their minds without them saying anything, created such an orgasmic sensation in my mind.
I was one with everything and was trying to work out that if the universe is yin and yang, whether I was the light in this world and brought repetition or whether I was darkness and killed repetition (if that makes sense). It made me question homosexuality and whether, homosexuality brought yin or yang to this world. Not that there is a direct difference between 'light' and 'dark' but it felt important to contemplate what differentiated me from the others around me, if anything. Neither light or darkness is evil in this world, they both just exist and if everyone was to avoid being pulled into other peoples light/darkness and was able to appreciate their own yin/yang, enlightenment would be reached. Just like chaos is synonymous with order, you can't have nothingness without infinity.
I understood my gender and reasons for procreation as unecessary (as I don't necessarily feel that homosexuality is a choice as such, and the fact it exists in nature suggests that it could perhaps have some spiritual hard wiring within me. It was as though, my role as a gay man is meant to prevent excessive procreation of life, or perhaps push it further by enforcing higher natural selection. As we humans are a cell that have become so evolutionarily advanced that we are able to rapidly multiply like cancer and are destroying this cell known as earthÖ The ratio of humans to animals and plants reached ridiculous proportions already, and I donít deserve the pleasure of repeating the cycle and bringing another human into this world that may not be able to appreciate the world to the same extent as I am and have.
I believe it is my role to teach others not to fear dying alone, not to fear dying without procreating, and not to fear a meaningless death, as what is it that makes humans so persistent to make meaning out of meaningless. Life is just a short period that prepares us for death, when it's time to go and venture into death, our consciousness will be taken from us. At least I am able to share the light I enjoy with others, while Iím still here. While understanding that not all light is positive and some light is actually disguised darkness, and also some things that appear positive are not so, once they turn into habituation.
So I philosophised about how much of my life was vanity and arrogance and how much modesty I truly deserve to hold as a person, I feel my friends talk me up too much as a person, and I canít help but feel a little arrogant at times. I'm worried that even if I know I'm arrogant it may hold me back from truly appreciating the company of others. If I'm arrogant and think my knowledge is better then someone else, I'm restricting myself from reaching my full capacity through understanding others no matter how insignificant their addition may be, even superficial communication about so called meaningless objects is still meaningful in itself, as the fact it is there, makes it an important concern. It's just that some people aren't as happy as other people and that's the only difference between peoples existence, some people feel happy with what they've got, and some people want more. Compassion is a whole lot more enjoyable then pity, just like attachments hold people back from experiencing true beauty, pity holds us back from truly appreciating the power of concern. There was a period where it felt like I was sitting on the edge of the universe, with all of itís beautiful colours and it's complete darkness of infinity and solitude, and I chose to stay on this side for a purpose. The purpose of appreciating my existence and sharing my appreciation with others, and hunting down enlightenment in the future in a sober meditative state, as I felt I didn't deserve enlightenment at this time.
So once Iíd decided to stay I decided to get up walk off and these intensely profound feelings almost left me as abruptly as the second I stood up. I got up and decided to enjoy some superficial indulgence and appreciate the rest of the night through music and dance. It felt as though it was about 2am (4 or 5 hours after taking the tab) and I was still a little jittery but suprisingly everything seemed pretty much back to normal, the mindfuck never reached an intense state it was always quite simple yet profound, and as soon as I was walking around again, I felt virtually sober. The visuals werenít jumping out at me like they were before, everything looked and felt pretty normal and everything made the same sense as it normally does rather then melting off, fading, glowing and bending into different colours or fractal patterns. Everything was simple I was just loaded with energy and my heart was beating very fast, so I went for a run and still had heaps of energy.
About an hour later I got a bit worried because my heart was hurting for some strange reason, so decided to take a valium to ease the muscles and hopefully slow my heartbeat, but also to ease the paranoia I held about it. It slowed the beat just enough to stop hurting but still leave me with plenty of energy. So I went wondering around the doof enjoying the company of others, meeting lots of interesting people and contemplating my future, understanding the world from abstract mathematical perspectives and reflections on previous trips where I once saw the universe in pure mathematical equations and numbers based around fractal patterns. Where every single living thing had its mathematical position and that was all that defined it from anything else, it was all just a slightly different mathematical universe, and the one we live in matched the fibonacci numbers. Eventually the integration died down and I began joking with my friends about trashy events we could put on for a disturbing psychedelic party. With seedy noisecore/speedcore and screw with peoples heads having films of scat porn and other similar disturbing music, film and objects so people walk away all jittery jittery and confused. As you may understand, in our altered mindstates, this ideation was hilarious. Lots of acid humor ensued for the next several hours. Settling down enjoying an awesome live PA by hallucinogen and the rest of the music the doof had to offer, with itís awesome psy trance.
All in all was a pretty awesome trip, wasnít as intense as I expected from my first high dose (as microdots in the past have blown my mind too, but only with the combination of cannabis). I definitely believe I could have gone deeper had I removed my grounding by smoking some cannabis, however had I taken more, I donít think I would have seen a deeper side of myself, it felt as though I had reached LSD land, and any further would just make me feel more inebriated and not so much, more philosophical. I believe that a deeper trip might be more euphoric, but because of it's lack of association with my everyday life, would be quite difficult to intergrate. The trip was quite interesting because it felt like I got to see the edge of the universe. I got to appreciate such intense bliss and apathy towards death and then before I knew it, I was back normal.. quite funny. I did notice I was still hallucinating up to about 12 hours later but it just wasnít anywhere near as intense so I hadnít noticed it really at all after the peak had passed.
OPEN DOOR TO EDGE OF UNIVERSE, PEAK OVER THE EDGE, LAUGH, CLOSE THE DOOR! HELLO BACK TO REALITY...
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