Citation: Charlotte. "The Push Needed to Change: An Experience with Mescaline (exp590)". Erowid.org. Jun 27, 2000. erowid.org/exp/590
||(powder / crystals)
I was battling depression which was brought on by the combination of events I experienced in Vietnam in 1968 and my struggle to 'overcome' being transgendered. I had reached the point of suicidal thoughts and had already been seeing a psychologist. Unfortunately, my psychologist created more problems than he helped. It seemed that he was a fan of B. F. Skinner and behavior modification was on his agenda. The threat of induced vomiting and/or electric shock being used to help me feel even worse about my gender expression convinced me that I was with the wrong therapist.
It was at this time that a young woman that I worked with took an interest in me and she asked me one day if I had ever done any mescaline. I hadn't done anything but marijuana and that was only while I was in Vietnam. She suggested that we get together for a weekend and that she would get some mescaline.
What she got was something other than peyote buttons and we snorted some powder that was like a strawberry milkshake. We both had motorcycles and spent the first 6 hours or so just cruising around Atlanta and stopping every once in a while to look at people. We spent the rest of the 'trip' in and around her apartment.
I remember looking at a spider in the grass and marveling at its complexity and appreciating it for what it was. On my way home the next day I noticed a billboard on the side of the road and thought the colors were exceptional. Somehow, that was a turning point in my life. I began the task of learning to love and accept myself as I am. It is an ongoing process that continues to this day, but the push I needed to begin came from a friend willing to spend the weekend with me in an altered state.
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