Citation: allotrope. "Found the 'On' Switch in My Soul: An Experience with Ibogaine (exp58716)". Erowid.org. Jan 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/58716
Summary: I went to an Ibogaine clinic in Canada for the purpose of spiritual exploration to resolve lifelong issues of anxiety, depression, and lack of connectedness with others. The result was an amazing and dramatic success, greater than I hoped for. Although it was physically difficult at times, with some intense visuals and ego dissolution, it was completely worth it. The Bwiti of Africa use this substance in a coming-of-age ceremony, I strongly feel that every society in the world should do the same. My life story is now divided into 'before ibogaine' and 'after ibogaine'.
Set & Setting: I was nervous because this was to be my first major experience with a hallucinogen other than some mild mushroom trips and cough syrup misadventures. But I had researched it for years, so I was determined. The treatment facility was a very comfortable home and my trip-sitters were extremely experienced, skilled, and supportive.
D minus 6 hours: I arrive at the facility. The usual routine is to dose at midnight after 6 hours without food. I have just eaten, so I have to wait 6 hours to be dosed.
D minus 2 hours: I am given 150mg Gravol for nausea
D minus 1.5 hours: I am given 100mg of Ibogaine HCl as a test dose. It has no effect, which is said to be good.
Dosage time - zero hour: I am given the flood dose 1300mg of Ibogaine HCl in 6 gelcaps. My life is about to change forever.
D + 20 mins: My legs are getting a little wobbly, it is getting difficult to stand.
D + 45 mins: Legs not cooperating at all, standing is entirely out of the question.
D + 55 mins: It hits me hard, and suddenly. Closed-eye visuals are amazing geometric shapes and ripples. My mood is elevated to hilarity, I am cracking ridiculous jokes just to hold onto reality and we are all in stitches laughing. I cannot remember one moment to the next, time is entirely distorted and out of sequence. For about 2 minutes I experience total ego loss. It is frightening but I am relieved to find I can stop the rollercoaster just by opening my eyes.
D + 1:20: I am in the deepest part of the visions. I am having an intense communion with a spirit in the shape of a purple-colored, brain-shaped cloud of vapor, which shows me the interconnection of myself and all things in the universe. It must sound comical to read it in words, but it was the most profound and beautiful experience in my life.
D + 2 hours: The visions lose their intense edge, becoming somewhat fragmented and repeated. Personal introspection starts to increase. Physical discomfort starts to increase... cottonmouth is unbearable and I gulp a lot of water, swallowing quite a bit of air, and I vomit shortly after.
D + 3 hours: I am still lying down. I cannot stand, but I cannot find a comfortably lying position. My mouth is unbearably dry. I am focusing all my attention on breathing deeply because I am afraid I will not breathe if I don't think about it. Physically, I feel exhausted and wrecked, as if this was a complete waste of time, far too much time and money to see a light show and get my ass kicked.
D + 7 hours. All the visions are gone. I am able to walk around now. I still feel like total shit. However, something interesting has started happening in my brain. I feel as if there is a distinct second consciousness inside me, and I can carry on internal conversations with it, asking questions, receiving answers. The other consciousness seems extremely wise, I sense it is another part of me that has never been encumbered by fears or doubts, perhaps the enduring intelligence of childhood that has been hidden yet growing for years.
D + 8 hours. This 'second self' phenomenon has increased dramatically. From conversing with this inner second self, I am getting tremendous insights, inspiration, uplifting. My mood is now euphoric, physically I feel lighter than air. All physical difficulty from the drug has now disappeared. No interest in food or sleep, too busy talking to myself.
D + 15 hours. I am not hungry at all, but I know I need food, so I force myself to eat. Still having quite a nice chat with myself.
D + 24 hours. The second self has mostly run out of things to say, though he's definitely still in there. The euphoria has been ramping upward all day to a crest, right about now. I have not felt a need for food or sleep ever since the dosage, but my body must be raising the surrender flag... I collapse on the bed and break down in tears, unable to think of anything except gratitude and humility at this amazing experience I have been given. Still I am not given sleep, though. I am still euphoric and stimulated and begin writing to capture some thoughts.
D + 30 hours. Finished writing. The euphoria has peaked, but it isn't leaving anytime soon. The duality sensation is completely gone. I have collected myself a bit and can pass for a sane person. I still haven't eaten much or slept at all and I feel fine. In fact I feel wonderful, as if my body were so light that it were evaporating. I take a walk down by the water and watch the sunrise. It is glorious.
D + 36 hours: I get my appetite back. Still euphoric.
D + 1 month: I still have quite a bit of euphoria.
D + 2 months: Euphoria starting to diminish. I have a dream in which I recall the purple spirit and I get another boost from this.
D + 3 months: Euphoria is basically gone. However, my emotional baseline is much more healthy and robust than it has ever been. My mental health still feels as if it is permanently changed for the better. Normally by this time I am fighting winter depression. This year... it's just not there anymore.
I don't know that I 'need' to use this substance ever again. I will probably return to it once or twice, as I feel I missed some lessons by being distracted by the sheer newness of it. At maximum I could do this no more than once every 3 months. It's a heavy experience and it takes that long to process it... seriously. Anyway, with the going rate of reputable ibogaine treatment being $2500 plus airfare to Canada, more likely I will do this 1 or 2 times over the next 5 years.
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